tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56538182909374216142024-03-21T16:00:40.588-05:00The Schrosthe schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-31895983917105148712011-07-24T22:36:00.003-05:002011-07-24T22:44:39.532-05:007.24.11I live in Phoenix, Arizona. I am blessed to be a wife and a mom of two girls. I drive a minivan. I have amazing family and friends. I just unpacked all of my kitchen stuff from our home in Peoria. I put it all in a small kitchen in a thousand-square-foot apartment on a college campus.<br />My name is Katelyn <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Kieser</span>.<br /><br />It's been on year since Jordan Schroeder stopped walking alongside of me on this little stint of earth we have to live before the real living begins. It's been one year since my love got his promotion from mortal to immortal. From temporary to eternal. From decaying to more-alive-than-we've-ever-been. One year ago today, Jordan died.<br /><br />I've been doing a lot of remembering lately.<br /><br />I remember Jordan saying that I was one of his biggest spiritual influences. Shortly after he got redeemed, we met and the Holy Spirit in me encouraged him in his walk with the Lord. He told me that my scripture memory really challenged him and the discipline of hiding the Word in his heart stuck with him for the rest of his life. I remember him saying that's why he fell in love with me- my love for the Lord and my eternal perspective. You could maybe say, if you were wanting to measure things, that I was more spiritually mature than he. I was further along on the sanctification process. Somewhere along the way, that paradigm totally flip-flopped on me. I got slapped in the face with the love of God through Jesus in Jordan. I was his wife. I had the front seat to the Holy Spirit sanctifying him. I remember being in awe and at some point in our marriage verbalizing to him that God had him on the fast track and nobody had ever shown me Jesus like he did. He believed in the Spirit in me tirelessly. He unconditionally loved me despite my wicked, sinful heart. He encouraged me faithfully in the fight even when he was the one suffering the most from my sins. I was unbelievably humbled by his love that so uniquely modeled Christ's love for all of us. He had this tenacious hunger for the Bible, for Jesus, for the power of God in himself. It was like he was given this divine discontentment. He was always discontent with how much he had of Jesus- always wanting more. Even in the rough times, he'd be so honest about his discouragement but always end up reminding himself and me about how faithful God had been in the past and the promises of scripture. His gift of faith would come beaming forth and he'd speak so confidently and with hope oozing from his soul that God WOULD BE GLORIFIED in his life. He never wavered on his assurance of that fact. He never gave up hope. He had so many dreams. His natural vulnerability delighted and shocked me every time he'd start a conversation about our dreams. He loved to talk about it and I loved how ambitious he was about how much God was going to do in our lives. He really wanted to reach for the impossible and not sell ourselves short when our God was so huge! All these dreams- and yet, his biggest ream was God's glory in his life.<br /><br />It's July 24, 2011. As I've journeyed through this day, remembering the early hours of Jordan revealing Jesus' desire for him to be in Heaven. Remembering the tenderness when we told each other how much we loved one another. Remembering the sweetness of Jordan speaking to our families. Remembering when Jordan prayed for me to love another man and released his exclusivity on my heart. Remembering how great was his desire for Jaycee and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Arawen</span> to have a daddy. Realizing the colossal amount of sacrificial love when he so willingly allowed us to receive the gift that Ty now is to us. Remembering how he anointed and blessed his two little girls. Remembering our fears and faith and our thoughts that we expressed in the blog. My dear fried Alison made our blog into a book for me. I took that book and Jordan's Bible and sat on a bench outside underneath a street light and a palm tree late last night and remembered. I've been remembering the tears. Remembering the tears brings more tears and I cry. Remembering the stabbing, searing, slicing pain in the middle of my chest for hours on end. The pain is piercingly memorable.<br /><br />However, the most memorable and weighty thing that comes back to me is all the hope. The huge, ferocious, and tenacious hope we had. I wanted him to be healed so bad. I really, really, really, wanted that miracle. I ached and longed for and prayed and believed. I just really really wanted his body to be well. I wanted his pain to leave. I wanted his breathing to stop gurgling and rasping. I wanted his chest to stop being so heavy. I wanted his skin to stop being yellow and his ribs to stop showing through. I wanted It felt like there was a never-ending crescendo of an orchestra in the background of my heart. It was as if there was a buzzing tenor sound that kept getting louder, more intense, higher in its pitch. Seeming like it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">was</span> going to peak at any instant, but <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">just</span> climbing ever higher in shrillness. We hoped hard. We hoped really hard! We hoped for a long, dark time. Even when he was in so much pain, it consumed us, we hoped. The hoping and the waiting continued to unrelentingly escalate.<br /><br />Until that moment. He was lying on the hospital bed, laboring to breathe, peaceful, and he opened his eyes and spoke:<br />"I'm going to a better place."<br /><br />And the hopes came shattering and disintegrating and falling down all around me. That fierce hope that had <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">crescendoed</span> louder and higher and faster over the last year got dashed. It was like this big, beautiful, and fragile crystal globe got flung against a cliff. And all of the million pieces, every last one, cut me on the way down. But inside that crystal globe was a diamond. Harder than the rock of the cliff, the gem remained undamaged. The diamond is God's glory. Beyond and above all of our beautiful and fragile crystal hope of marriage, and children, and ministry, and seeing God's miraculous power being displayed in us together, we had a bigger, and stronger Hope. We had Jesus. Go back and read his entries in the blog; Jordan hope and waited expectantly, nay even KNEW that God would be glorified in his life. And that was the diamond that never shattered. That diamond stayed intact and it remained beautiful.<br /><br />Looking back, exactly one year from my hope-shattering, I see a sparkling and living and exquisite display of God's glory in Jordan Schroeder's life. The glory of God and the affect of Jesus in Jordan lives on in me. The Kingdom he sowed into my life will continue until my own promotion. I know deep in my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">soul</span> that I will never be the same again and I will never forget. I will always remember Jordan and God's glory in him.<br /><br />Jordan made a profound, impacting, and eternal stamp on my life. Now I want to hear about Jesus and God's glory in Jordan affecting your life. I want to see this beautiful diamond in a bigger scope and from different perspectives. I want a glimpse at the sparkles and the glittering rainbows that reflected glory to you. I want you to post a comment, tag me in a status update, or leave a guestbook entry with a few words describing God's glory in Jordan Schroeder's life in your own life. I just want to know. I want my girls to one day read all of your entries. I will collect them an put them in their <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">photobook</span>. I want them to have more than just my stories and their scant memories. I want them to have pages of testimony upon testimony of God's amazing glory in their Daddy in Heaven. I want the impact of Jordan's testimony to spur them on to fight the fight and run the race even when it's hard and hope runs dry. I want the glory of God in Jordan's life to do that for all of us. I want us all to remember together.<br /><br />I found a note card in Jordan's Bible today. In his scratchy, all-caps writing it says:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">Psalm 9:1-2</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">I will praise Thee, O Lord, with my whole heart: I will show forth all thy works. I will be glad and rejoice in Thee: I will sing praise to Thy name, O Thou Most High.</span><br /><br />The top right corner has a date: <span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">7-24-08</span><br /><br />Three years ago today, Jordan wrote down a verse reflecting his own desire to make known God's works. Both Jordan and I have poured our hearts out here on this blog, and we all have had the privilege of witnessing God's works shown forth in Jordan's life. Please join me in praising the name of The Most High by posting a glimmer of Jordan's glory-diamond as we remember the amazing works of our God.<br /><br />Thank you so, so, so much!the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-81051133451314184422011-04-30T12:15:00.006-05:002011-05-01T08:16:43.699-05:00"God's Crazy Love Stories" As Told to My Girls<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC3Caxux3Le_P5Hb8I-MwKuok2D58C-1eiDHytxiOEQhrYwQwL2YsTB0lsFXv-d5BbCIYUgDWclTL0UKPwV4S1Ed3D58Gs1MZjZH1iN1BPkSla2sewg_-F2TL62odXvWFZU0WLkBhrjpc3/s1600/DSCF7268.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC3Caxux3Le_P5Hb8I-MwKuok2D58C-1eiDHytxiOEQhrYwQwL2YsTB0lsFXv-d5BbCIYUgDWclTL0UKPwV4S1Ed3D58Gs1MZjZH1iN1BPkSla2sewg_-F2TL62odXvWFZU0WLkBhrjpc3/s400/DSCF7268.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5601725989569477218" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Dear Jaycee and Arawen,</div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">You are amazing, extravagant, beautiful, and undeserved blessings from God! Do you know what a blessing is?</div><div style="text-align: left;">Jayce, remember the little drill that Papa-Boy always does with you?</div><div style="text-align: left;">“Jaycee, do you know what a blessing is?” he asks knowingly.</div><div style="text-align: left;">“A present from God!” you exclaim, grinning up at him.</div><div style="text-align: left;">He points decidedly right at you and declares, “YOU are a blessing!”</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It’s true! You are our presents from God. God gave both of you to Mommy and Daddy and we could never be thankful enough. We loved you so much from the moment we found out you were in Mommy’s tummy. We were so proud of you and so, so excited and happy to be your parents. God gave you to Mommy and Daddy because He first brought us together. Your daddy wrote our whole wonderful, crazy love story down, and one day we’ll read it together. But right now, I want to tell you another story. Another crazy love story of God bringing two people together to glorify His name and bless them with two wonderful little girlies. Actually, I want to tell you two crazy love stories. One of them is the craziest of all.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;">Girls, remember when I told you that Daddy was in Heaven and he wasn’t coming back? Do you remember on that Sunday morning in July? We went outside to the backyard, walking towards the swing, and I knelt down, took you both in my arms, and with a trembling voice and a breaking heart, I unveiled your shattered little worlds. Jaycee, you cried and cried and Arawen, you looked from my face to Jaycee’s and whimpered and sucked your pacifier as you leaned into me. Jaycee, you wanted to know when we could see him again and if he was better. It was so amazing to tell you that Daddy was all better and his back and his leg didn’t hurt him anymore but it deeply wounded me to have to tell you that we wouldn’t see him until we were in Heaven too. You tried to argue that he was coming back and you were grasping for hope and reassurance and wanting Mommy to make it all right. But it wasn’t. And I couldn’t. And the pain intensified as I watched you tilt your head up in the middle of that big backyard and let out a long drawn-out wail. “I want my Daddy!” I remember a cry similar to that from when I was a little girl and I had lost my mommy in a store. It was a lost cry. My soul bled as I watched your soul express the lost-ness you were feeling. We cried and hugged. And then I pushed you both on the swing for a long time.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Jaycee and Arawen, the heartache I saw in you, the light seeping out of your eyes, and the way the devastation descended and surrounded you was nearly paralyzing to me. You know how I always tell you it makes me sad when you get hurt? Well, this was the most hurt you’ve endured and it made Momma really, really, really sad. Jaycee, a day later, exhausted and reeling from the trauma, you and I were lying down for a nap in A. KaraLea’s room. (Arawen, you were already sleeping in the pack ’n’ play.) You crawled in bed with me and asked me to read the Bible and tell you a story about your daddy. I pulled you into my chest and we read together and then you asked the inevitable heartbreaking questions: Why did Daddy die? Why is he in Heaven? Why can’t he come see us? When can we go to Heaven? I want my Daddy! I propped up on one elbow and searched your hurting face. I desperately wanted to impart some hope and felt called to try. I remember wrenching at the words that were coming out of my mouth, but knew I needed to give you a glimmer of light into your distress. So the words scraped off my tongue, “Jaycee, maybe one day God will give you a new daddy” I said softly. You searched my eyes and found only sorrow. “I don’t want a new daddy! I want MY daddy!” was your responding lament. So much for imparting hope; I let my head plop onto the pillow and just held you. But yet I knew that God would work and God would heal and God had not since, nor would He ever forsake us. Jesus was going to take care of us -Jaycee, Arawen, and Mommy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Jaycee, one night, God used the preciousness of the present that you are and all the awe in me at being your mother, to capture my attention and tell me about a godly man named Ty. God told me it was okay to love him and placed a love for him in Mommy's heart. As the weeks crept by, you continued to be resistant to any mention of a new daddy. And, although Momma’s heart was tenderly being unfurled to love another, I was not discouraged by your persistent negative responses. I knew we still needed a lot of healing time and I was steeling myself for much patience with the whole impossible situation. I knew in my Spirit that when you started to become okay with my intermittent proddings towards praying for a new daddy, that would be an indication of God’s moving and timing. I remember the first time your resistance turned to reception. I was giving you girls a bath and it was the first time I decided to be intentional about bringing up the issue --all other times stemmed from your memories that turned into questions. This is what I wrote down from that night in your “Daddy moments” journal I keep:</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"> <i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>9.13 While giving them a bath, I told them we were going to talk about getting a new daddy. I told them that he would play with them and wrestle them and throw them in the air. “Do you want that?” I asked. Jaycee said “Yeah” and Arawen said “Nope.” Jaycee then told me that Arawen didn’t want a new daddy so we asked her again. “Arawen, do you want a new daddy?” “Nope.” I talked to them about praying for a new daddy and that Jesus was going to give them a new daddy because our daddy is in Heaven and we don’t get to see him until our lives end and we go to Heaven too. She told me that there were two of her daddy, one was in Heaven, and she wanted the other one. I said there was only one and he’s so, so happy to be with Jesus and we’ll get to see him again. But for now, we’re going to pray for a new daddy.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>That night, when Dad was talking about prayer and things that were good to pray for Jaycee said, “Pray for a new daddy.” Everyone laughed and Mom was like “Whoa….Katelyn, have you been talking to them?” I didn’t say anything but I definitely didn’t act embarrassed. It was true.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From then on, you’d ask to pray for a new daddy at bedtime. Arawen, you especially never forgot. I’d begin praying for you, and you’d unfailingly interrupt saying, “New daddy!” So I’d smile bitter-sweetly down at you in your crib and plead with our Father, “And God, give Arawen a new daddy who loves, loves, loves her and who loves, loves, loves You the most. Give my girls a love, love, love for their new daddy.” It was so cute the first time you looked up at me from your crib and said around your paci, “New daddy luh, luh, luh me!”</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Girls, I want you to know that through this whole thing, Mommy was praying and praying and praying. I was praying for you and I was praying for Ty and praying for Mommy to keep looking to Jesus. It was a colossal thing looming over us -these were prayers about who was going to love you, who was going to protect you, provide for you, influence you, and show you Jesus for the rest of your lives and I was passionate about our story being undeniably a God thing. When you’re given amazing presents, you’re also given an amazing responsibility to steward those gifts. And remember, you are our presents! After I came home with Uncle Josh, Ty and I continued our unique, intermittent text-and-email interactions and it amazed me the way God had placed on him a burden to pray for you two and also used him to speak Bible into my life. He texted me Philippians 3:7-8 and whetted my appetite for the entire epistle. I read Philippians over and over and over, letting the Truth sink into me that everything but Jesus is garbage and that He loved us with a love so crazy that he obeyed His Daddy and died on the cross for us. When my friend-circles were going through major remodel as I limped along without my other half and my pain spilled over onto anyone that was close, it was incredibly humbling for Mommy to be given a friend that pointed me to Jesus during the hardest time of my life. God was surprising me with the unexpected again. He was whispering a challenge through the clouds of pain and confusion: You don’t think I can’t blow you out of the water again? You don’t think I don’t want to bless you out of your mind? Try me, and see what I can do with your ashes. I will make them beautiful! Girls, our Heavenly Father was taking care of us in the middle of all of our brokenness. He loves us so much!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Remember that wonderful vacation to Phoenix we took with Aunt Jill and Uncle Joshy at the end of October? ‘Uncle’ Ducky and ‘Aunt’ Christine opened their home and their hearts and showered us with love and a time of refreshing. We had such a great time, didn‘t we? It was then that Mommy talked to Ty. My prayer before we left was “God, I want to expect good and amazing things from You and I’m confident that You will bless this vacation, but I’m not going to say anything. The Holy Spirit is in Ty; if we’re supposed to talk, then he can start the conversation.” God blessed our time and Ty and Mommy had a couple of great talks. One in particular in which Jesus in Ty amazed me. He let me hear his passions and dreams, I got a glimpse of his heart for ministry and people and the Kingdom. My belief in Jesus in Ty was more cemented, and his vulnerability blessed me immensely. The next morning, I woke up with God gently tapping me on the shoulder again, convicting me, “He was vulnerable with you; you need to be vulnerable with him.” I called Grandma, and told her that I thought I was supposed to tell him, and she calmly talked me through everything and guaranteed her continued prayers. God changed my prayer to “God, if you give me the opportunity, I’ll share what you’ve been doing in my heart.” Three days later, Ty was spending the weekend at the Buam’s, Uncle Joshy decided he needed an all-day nap and an opportunity was dropped in front of me. It was so hard to obey, I was a millisecond from backing out, but with an extra burst of Holy Spirit courage, I asked Ty if we could talk. We still laugh at my extreme nervousness and the way I stumbled all over myself trying to prepare him for what I was going to say and finally blurting out: “I love you a lot... the end. I can leave now if you want me to." It was a little surreal- laying my soul that bare before someone I had known for merely three months. I couldn’t believe I was doing it while I was doing it and after I did it, I couldn’t believe I had done it. But it was an act of obedience. And as you girls well know, obeying isn’t always fun. I truly could not have imagined a more noble response from Ty. He wanted to clarify everything, forcing me to be deeply vulnerable, he was honest and clueless, revealing the fact that he had never considered pursuing more than a friendship with me despite how attractive of a person I was to him, which pointed to the great respect he had for Mommy and where God had us. He told me that he had had a dream a few years ago about being in the exact spot we were sitting in while two little girls were downstairs. (That was you, Jaycee and Arawen!) Jesus in Ty came shining forth, because as taken-aback and caught off guard as he was, to end our conversation, he grabbed both of my hands and prayed. He just gave it all to God right then and there on the side of the mountain we had walked up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I don’t know about you girls, but this story kind of reminds me of a Bible story we read. Following our modern day Ruth and Boaz threshing floor incident, it was surprisingly not awkward. I had put my heart out there, but more than it breaking for Daddy and loving Ty, it still belonged to Jesus and it was safe with Him. I didn’t know what Ty was thinking but I didn’t feel like he was obligated to tell me. I had released all of it. The logistics, the timing, the knowing, the very impossible-looking everything. God continued to just blow me out of the water though because Ty was so vigilant about guarding our hearts. Both mine and his own. A couple weeks later, when Ty came home for Thanksgiving, he was still seeking everything out with a lot of caution. He knew it would be hard, he knew it wasn’t logical, and yet he was discovering Holy Spirit confirmations all over the place. God had gone before this whole thing in speaking to Grandpa and Grandma Kieser, Aunt Maria, Uncle Jesse and Aunt Jill, and to Grandma. Back in August, they all had felt a heart prick as God moved their spirit to have a “Ty and Katelyn” thought. It didn’t make sense to any of them either but they were praying for us fervently! It was especially wonderful for Mommy to have Aunt Jill as my Naomi to talk with about everything God was doing. She was the one that gently suggested I would maybe need to be the one to bring the subject of ’us’ up because Ty would never cross that line of respect for me. She let my verbal thrashing bounce off of her as the Holy Spirit inside of her absorbed my doubt and questioning and ranting while ministering so much peace to me. She was faithfully right there with Mommy through it all the whole time. God had given me open palms and surrender to a timeline that looked longer than I would like, but as our Boaz worked things out, I had to open my hands to a timeline that was faster and sooner than I had ever imagined. Girls, when I kept giving to God, and He continued to give it back, I had nothing left to do but delight in Him and rejoice in His outpouring of blessings. After all of the daily surrender, all I needed to do was gaze up at my Daddy with adoration, trust, and delight. That’s what girls do with their daddies. Ty was also surrendering and so fervent in seeking it out and wanting to know his Father’s heart. He gave it to God and when God gave him back a huge and unavoidable love for the three of us and an abandonment to His will, he obeyed. And he obeyed quickly. Just like Jesus, he laid down his life and did what God asked. Through all of the heartache and the grief we’re still expressing and all of the questions and all of the difficulty and all of the skepticism and all of the craziness, Ty obeyed God! Praise God for a new daddy that loves, loves, loves you and loves, loves, loves God the most!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It was December 6th the first time I told you girls about what God was doing and the new daddy that He was giving us and the love that he had grown between us. Ty called me and, after a vulnerable, somewhat halting conversation he told Mommy that he loved me. My spirit thrilled inside of me and it was like a loosening of my protective heart straps. The love that was being poured into me for him had a little more elbow room to bloom. I was overflowing with excitement at being able to tell you! You had been praying for a new daddy for months and you didn’t know yet how God was answering your prayers that whole time. Arawen, you were already asleep, but Jaycee, you were up watching a movie with Aunt Susie, so I pulled you onto my lap, and with a rejoicing heart said,</div><div style="text-align: left;">“Guess what….? I love Ty.” I said with a gentle excitement, not knowing how you would respond, yet wanting to convey my happiness.</div><div style="text-align: left;">“And tell me the rest” you said as you smiled in response to my beaming.</div><div style="text-align: left;">“And Ty loves Mommy” I replied.</div><div style="text-align: left;">“And tell me the rest” you said, knowing there was more.</div><div style="text-align: left;">“And Ty loves you” I said excitedly.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then you said again, smiling more, “And tell me the rest.”</div><div style="text-align: left;">“And Ty loves Arawen.”</div><div style="text-align: left;">“And tell me the other rest” you said persistently but with a big grin on your face.</div><div style="text-align: left;">“I really really love Ty and Ty really really loves Mommy.” I affirmed with more hugs and smiles.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then you questioned me, “Do you love Ty?”</div><div style="text-align: left;">“I really love Ty!” I said.</div><div style="text-align: left;">“Then I love Ty!” was your priceless conclusion.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Arawen, the next morning, I was elated to relay the news of all of your answered prayers. "Arawen," I began, "You know Ty?" You replied in the affirmative, probably all those memories of him playing with you on vacation flitting through your head. I then told you with sparkling eyes, "Ty loves, loves Mommy and I love Ty! And Ty loves, loves, loves you!" You looked at me innocently, "Mommy," you said politely, "can I eat?" Arawen Joy, you bring your mother so much joy and laughter!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Ty called Papa to ask for his blessing in pursuing an official relationship with Mommy, and on December 17th, when he came home for Christmas break, Mommy had a boyfriend for the very first time! You girls loved having him around to play with you and read you Bible stories before bed and carry you into the house from your carseats. In February, Ty was home again for spring break and that’s when he surprised us by coming earlier than planned. That’s also when he got down on his knee and with you two looking on, said, "Kate, I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you; will you marry me?" Remember how Mommy shouted yes and raised my hands to praise Jesus, then gleefully hugged you two and declared how amazing our Jesus is? And remember what happened next? He then brought out two more ring boxes, got down in front of you and said, “Jaycee, can I be your new daddy?” Jaycee, you smiled so sweetly -almost shyly- let him put the ring on your finger and give you a ring pop and said, “yeah.” Then he knelt in front of you, Arawen, and asked, “Arawen, can I be your new daddy?” “Yes.” was your sweet reply as you reached eagerly for the candy. He knew the way into your heart!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Girls, when we see Ty and the answer to so many prayers that he is, we see someone willing to lay down his life for us. Girls, when we see Ty and his crazy love for us, beyond him and bigger than him, and through him, we see Jesus and his even crazier love for us. We see the craziest love story that God has ever written. We see something so big and world changing that only God could have dreamed up a love story and a rescue plan that awesome and creative. And we call it 'crazy.' Oftentimes, in God’s kingdom, 'crazy' is amazingly valuable. In fact, this certain kind of crazy love is life-saving. Jaycee, one day, God will make the craziest love story in the world your very own and save your life. You’ll look at Jesus who died on the cross for your sins, and you'll hear his voice: “I love you, my sweet, precious Jaycee-girl!” and by grace, you’ll respond in repentance and belief and say, “I love you too, Jesus!” Arawen, one day you’ll see Jesus hanging on the cross with his arms stretched wide, saying "I love you this much!" and His vast and unsearchable love for you will become your greatest reality. In repentance, you’ll accept His gift of love, become his bride, and you’ll have a super crazy love story all your own. The craziest love story of all! I am praying expectantly for that day for both of you, my precious children. Until then, as imperfect as we are, Mommy and Daddy are going to show you Jesus as we reflect His love to you and point your gaze towards the cross- where the most important person in the world says, <b>“I love you like crazy!”</b> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">With all my overflowing and thankful heart-</div><div style="text-align: left;">Love, Mommy</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX32083iRx05eDuRlOqJUmi-y9-c3b3gRQQZhp5wLmDqXNOLd8LN0xYTzno7lDYM5IWQ9q31jiCjXv2Va6wFoX2YGdpkSla0DMII-qcMXgcXX30itbTpXQSYpMXtSbpzEWkQyRq4JA62MS/s400/DSC_0009.JPG" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 268px; height: 400px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5601481231237392786" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiondJTcGqMgI56bjkd1l9Vr8_GzZQIQnckSG5XsO3LIwdzXco314xLA-NLAs11KJLI-vwVNmPX9Dg1fUtMmPtsdP8mfF0Omyl04vnCD171j1aIByMNYIO__PkkGlqjvN12IMicMzKpqtct/s400/DSC_0350.JPG" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5601481236246024354" /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-9017800553941286932011-02-08T14:59:00.003-06:002011-02-08T15:13:37.789-06:00Hurting and Healing<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhea1ynHAD3YT_WRaJqhqe2J57B2Xmm7kntU3kZyhomIuIaFlvqG8ipdrl6J3SnyYw4O-u9GUW0Mi-pEJI2-Diumj1Ybcb6Plnfv7Ts_eL2fw_r2KxNWNsXb6uHaKUyY5FkluoN9rVPcPZJ/s1600/DSC_0010.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 289px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhea1ynHAD3YT_WRaJqhqe2J57B2Xmm7kntU3kZyhomIuIaFlvqG8ipdrl6J3SnyYw4O-u9GUW0Mi-pEJI2-Diumj1Ybcb6Plnfv7Ts_eL2fw_r2KxNWNsXb6uHaKUyY5FkluoN9rVPcPZJ/s400/DSC_0010.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571426465196621154" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >The girls of the house. They all bring me so much joy!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I would like to take a moment and in a few measly words and characters thrown together on the screen you’re reading try to sum up the gratefulness I have for all of you and the prayers that have been prayed for me and are continuing to the throne in my behalf. I am utterly convinced that God uses the power of prayer to sustain us and I have been sustained by Jesus in the last 6 months since Jordan died. In the last 18 months that my life was a cancer-fighting hurricane. And yes, in the last 24 years to this day of God’s hand being on my life. God did that and incomprehensibly, He allowed your prayers to make that sustenance and grace and divine hold very real in my life. I am also utterly convinced that we are still in need of that miraculous act called prayer. Thanks to each and every one of you that prayed for Jordan and me and Jaycee and Arawen and who continue to pray for us. Thank you from the bottom of my hurting and healing heart. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Heart hurting. I had something akin to déjà vu the other day. A conversation I had with Jordan about a dream I had and then being in the exact place I was in my dream. A memory of him telling me not to watch a movie because he knew I wouldn’t like it. The vividness of the memory showing up AFTER I watched said movie with my brother and absolutely hated it. The absence of being so well known like that is thick. A dream I woke up from the other day of a conversation with a lifelong best friend of Jordan’s. The hurt in his heart and the intensity & honesty of him missing Jordan and talking to me about it left me to wake up to utter sadness. Sobbing to my mom later; “I can’t believe it happened. I can’t believe he’s gone.” It really is nearly impossible to wrap my mind around the permanence of death. It’s painful to even try. The way when Jordan gets spoken of the very present awareness of the past tense stabs me in the chest. I entered 2011 without him; a year he’ll never know. I will make a year of memories, none of which will include Jordan. Five days later, Arawen turned 2 without her daddy. The memories begin and it all hurts. A lot.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Heart healing: I don’t know how to explain the strong confidence I had from the very beginning of my brutally wounded heart that God would heal me. I knew He would. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. I knew I couldn’t and won’t ever understand an incomprehensible God, but I also knew that wasn’t my job. Really, the best way I can describe it is that I have been granted surrender. God picked me up, planted me at the cross, lifted my arms, took my balled up fists, stretched my fingers out, and turned them palms up. I held the pain at arm’s length as best I could. I exhausted myself to sleep every night for a long time. I didn’t want to fall to sleep, I just wanted to pass out from exhaustion. I stayed up reading until my eyes could no longer physically stay open. And it was in this heart-wrenching, reeling, pain-racked time period that God spoke to my hurting heart and a manifestation of the healing became real. I have a story to tell and it’s full of redemption and it has God‘s fingerprints all over it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">One night, I was up late reading a book after an unexpected but surprisingly enjoyable, rejuvenating, and very quick trip to Phoenix. My younger brother Josh had just punctured a lung and lacerated his liver in a bull-riding accident in Flagstaff, so after a week of recovering, I traveled out there to bring him home. His friend Ty, who attends school in Phoenix, had been at the rodeo and then at the hospital, blessing us greatly by being there for Josh when we could not. Ty had also graciously provided airport transit, picking me up and dropping the two of us off the next morning. This is my journal entry from the night I got back:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; "><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">It was a moment that was born. It sparkled, then lived. It was so real and important it reached out, halted my book-reading, and turned my head to look over at it. It took my breath away and I reveled in it. I noticed it all intensely and repeatedly, devouring the entire picture with my eyes. </span> <span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">The gorgeous, splayed lashes on the curvy, nearly spherical cheek. The unconscious beauty of the pink, perfectly joined lips. The chubby, suntanned arms and legs jutting out of the striped green pajamas and splayed all over her -and my- side of the bed. The arm curved in front of her face with the silly banz on her wrist. The blond tendrils gracing her forehead in a myriad of directions. The one braid in and the one braid out. The imperceptible up-and-down of her back and translucent softness and aliveness of my daughter sleeping next to me.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">Ahhhh….. I drank deeply before I realized what was happening. Then, startled by the delight, exactly like the heartbroken girl in my recently abandoned book after she had a rare joyful moment, I asked, “It’s ok to be happy. Right?” </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">You’d-think-it-would-have-been-longer pause. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">Then, I knew that the wise adult’s reply to the girl was true for me as well: “Right. Very ok.” Except the voice I heard wasn’t an uncannily understanding man. It was Father. I know that voice; it penetrates hospital ceilings. His understanding is not uncanny. His understanding is omniscient, empathetic, and very, very real. </span> <span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">It is ok to be happy.</span> <span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">And then I heard the same voice again:<br /><br /><br />“And it’s ok to love Ty Kieser.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">Twenty-nine days after my beloved husband looked me gently in the eyes, touched my chest and told me he was going to pray that God would make space in my heart to love someone else, I was freed to love Ty Kieser. I was profoundly astonished!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">Ty Kieser. Tall, dark, disarmingly handsome, radiating Jesus in raw genuineness, soul-searching eyes, beyond athletic, hilarious, passionate man of God. I knew that it would be hard. I knew that being freed to love him did not include doing anything about it. Except pray. I knew the next weeks and months would nevertheless be piercingly painful with loneliness and excruciating surrender. And I knew I would have to lay this man on the altar too. I was not being freed to love him and keep him. I was being freed to love him and give him back to God. But, with all that knowledge, I also knew I loved him. And that God was in this.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">Caught completely off-guard, awestruck in the moment, the above description and narrative began to tumble through my head. As I grabbed my laptop knowing I needed to write it all down and I couldn’t lose the words reading themselves to me in my brain, I questioned myself. I distrusted the terrified and excited butterflies in my stomach. The blatant obviousness of the fact that it would take a divine miracle loomed horribly and familiarly large. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">I comforted and convinced myself that if it wasn’t, in fact, supposed to happen with the man newly dear to my heart, I would be more than happy to delete the above paragraphs forever. I knew that, with whomever God would bless me, he would be unthinkably right and wonderfully over-qualified for the huge job. I envisioned myself ruefully laughing and gesturing with a flick of my wrist at the immature coping mechanism of a crush. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">The self-assuring, self-questioning, and self-protection walls were closing in on me, but I was kind of there: freedom to live in the moment. Unashamed of what that moment looked like even if, to all others it appeared unforgivably ludicrous. Freedom to allow an overwhelming spectrum of raw emotions into my heart and know that I wasn’t the One ultimately responsible for sorting it out. Freedom to put my computer down, shakily and probably temporarily give it all to God, and go to sleep. </span> <span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms', sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; ">8.23.10, 1:54 a.m.</span></span></span></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Next post title: God’s Crazy Love Stories</div></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-1500961692127207922010-12-13T04:57:00.003-06:002010-12-13T05:24:26.583-06:00God of storms<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6IHQJ3yoHOIpM-RlWj4fkVCnSwJ0z3OKGyHg_NOwK5xMD4RN4L5-wh6SZ4Bmx53TWTfp_t_XbHnXp0GjEHwUf7VgaDEQIMSH9CICx3RqESQIYHz5Doxnh3sJdvV53YIrzm7FHehO0SXLB/s1600/013.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 322px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6IHQJ3yoHOIpM-RlWj4fkVCnSwJ0z3OKGyHg_NOwK5xMD4RN4L5-wh6SZ4Bmx53TWTfp_t_XbHnXp0GjEHwUf7VgaDEQIMSH9CICx3RqESQIYHz5Doxnh3sJdvV53YIrzm7FHehO0SXLB/s400/013.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550119857748276834" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span">In Phoenix. We were so blessed with an amazing vacation there in October.</span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><span id="internal-source-marker_0.672239190666005" style="font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "><br /></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><span id="internal-source-marker_0.672239190666005" style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "><br /></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><span id="internal-source-marker_0.672239190666005" style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">“Look at me. Every time you look at me, you’re going to know that I believe in a miracle!” I smiled a big and real smile as I said that to Jordan after we had talked about some unbelief that was repressive and tangible to the two of us when certain people were in the room. Some people didn’t believe for us, and we could tell. It was imperative to me that he knew I absolutely believed! I hardly ever cried in front of him, not because there weren’t plenty of tears in me, and not because I was fabricating a façade for him, but because I believed in a miracle with him, and because he needed to know that. I wasn’t trying to hide from him the agony I experienced during his suffering. He knew. He knew it hurt me immensely to see him like that. I wasn’t pretending for him, I was choosing to be strong for him and I told him that. We’d have an honest conversation like, “Hey babe, how was last night for you?” “Last night was really hard; I cried a lot. And I gave you back to Jesus.” We had normal voices and neutral tones and we were discussing the most emotionally rending time of our lives. And then I’d smile genuinely and beautifully at him. He always told me I was three times prettier when I smiled. So I showered him with those real, beautiful smiles that he loved all that last week in the hospital. Every time our eyes met, even if I was crying, I smiled really big through my tears. I got as many hugs from him as possible too. As the amount of time he spent upright dwindled, I was missing them. So, whenever we’d help him stand up to get in or out of bed, I’d briefly lean into that familiar place in his chest, close my eyes, and just let myself feel. Feel him. His height and his strength. His fleeting presence.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">But I didn’t know it was fleeting! I knew it looked fleeting. Oh yes! I was painfully aware of the reality of the appearance of vanishing life! To every logically thinking person on the planet, Jordan’s days were few. To all the doctors and nurses that read his plummeting oxygen saturation levels. To friends that were going above and beyond to help us and pray for us. To family that constantly stood by our side. To everyone, it looked like he was dying. To Jordan and me, and to countless others, it looked like God was setting the stage for the greatest miracle everyone in our sphere of acquaintances, our state, and our country had ever witnessed. He was just making it look harder to our reality-trapped minds, and our unbelieving hearts before He blew us out of the water with indisputably miraculous physical healing. Jordan had every intention of walking out of that hospital on his own and he wanted to bring the other patients with him! We believed in a miracle.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">I’m so unashamed of that fact. I remember ‘reminding’ God that because we were believing in a physical miracle and proclaiming said belief as loudly as we could through every avenue possible, He’d have to show up. Boldly stepping out in our faith in a God who still heals physically, we had a prayerful and expectant world watching us. The blog got linked up to countless times, the link got shared on facebook by multiple people, strangers came to the prayer meetings, the CaringBridge site had thousands of visitors; God was in the spotlight. “Therefore, God, You have to heal this cancer,” we concluded. As I sat next to Jordan’s hospital bed, writing what would be my final plea for healing prayer, I hesitated. I had a fleeting thought of the millions of pieces that would come from the world-shattering if this didn’t end in the kind of miracle for which we were faithfully hoping. “How am I going to explain that?” God said gently over my shoulder, “I’m big enough to pick up those pieces. You don’t have to worry about making me look bad. I’ve been protecting my reputation and guarding my glory for a long time, child.” I hated that I had just had that thought of ‘might not’ because I wanted our miracle so vehemently, so I lunged forward with my typing and this is what I wrote: </span><span style="font-size: 13pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Again, please join in praying for a miracle tonight at 8. This is God's deal; but I have no problems as His child asking for what He does best. </span><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">So, here we are, on the other side of the millions of tiny pieces that came crashing down around myself and the girls, around our families, around our friends when Jordan’s miracle was unexpectedly eternal.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Today in church, the sermon was on Luke 8 where Jesus calms the storm. My family and I now attend Bethany Community Church and the Body of Christ there is a huge blessing. Pastor Daniel spoke on faith in a sovereign Lord in our storms. Follow God into the storm, trust Him in the middle of the storm, and understand that He ordains the storm. “Your storm is an opportunity to do what you were created to do; glorify God, worship Him, and say Hallelujah!”</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">The following is a piece of the story of my storm. The fiercest winds, highest waves, most catastrophically painful moments of my life. This is my storm’s peak. It’s been a long time coming maybe, but it was so devastating at the time, that to even think back was gut-wrenching. Picking up where we left off:</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">“I’m going to a better place.” “Is that ok with you, baby?” “Yeah, it’s what Jesus wants.” I knew it was true. I heard those indescribable, life-altering words and I didn’t panic. I just knew. To say I was okay with it, sounds appalling, but I knew Jesus was in Jordan. I knew the Spirit was pouring from him. I watched his sanctification process for the last 6 years, I got to see Jesus really up-close in Jordan for the last 4 years. I trusted Jesus in Jordan so much that I just sat there holding his hand and didn’t say anything. I had finally abandoned my husband to the Holy Spirit the last week of his life. I stopped trying to help God out in working in and through Jordan, and I just surrendered him to the only One that can truly change hearts. I was finally a good wife. All throughout that last week I told him over and over things like:</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">“You go where Jesus goes.”</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">“What’s Jesus saying? Let me know after He tells you.”</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">“Don’t worry about me and the girls. We have Jesus.”</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Not right afterwards, but after a small silence, the very next thing he said as he looked peacefully into my eyes was: “I want my girls to have a daddy.” “I do too!” was my immediate reply, and “You!” was my silent scream. I didn’t know where he was going with that; I was still trying to process his previous statement, and was still instinctively in miracle mode. I had a millisecond of hope, that God had changed his mind, that the second realization of our precious daughters needing a father was usurping the first that Jesus wanted him Home. Then he said to me as he gently touched my chest with all five of his right-hand fingers, “I’m going to pray for you that God makes space in your heart to love somebody else. Because you have a big heart. And they need a daddy.” I was crying; not hard but steadily, and my soul went lurching and reeling from the blow of hearing the last words anyone wants to hear from the love of their life and the father of their children. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">He told me “Thank you” for a thousand different things. “Thanks for the last 4 years. They’ve been the best years of my life. There were some hard times, but we made it through with Jesus. Thanks for loving me and loving our girls the way you do. Thanks for being my best friend. Thanks for your forgiveness. Thanks for encouraging me, believing in me...” (I’ve desperately tried to remember this word for word. But I can’t.) He looked down at his wedding ring, then looked at me and said “You want this?” I just tearfully nodded. He pulled it off his finger and placed it on my left thumb. Then, I got to tell him “Thank you” for a thousand different things. “Thanks for the best 4 years of my life, thanks for being Jesus to me more than any other person in my life, thanks for loving me, thanks for being an awesome daddy to Jaycee and Arawen and prophesying into their lives, thanks for loving the Word of God and seeking His kingdom first, thanks for leading our family, thanks for forgiving me all those times, thanks for singing to me in the car, holding my hand, writing me notes, telling me I’m beautiful, taking me on dates...” I whispered it all into his ear because I didn’t want the others to hear all of the personal things for which I specifically wanted to say thanks. Because that’s the way God made marriage: a beautiful, intimate secret between the two of you.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">He went around the room and spoke to each of his siblings and their spouses. He thanked his parents. He got to sing with us and when we sang “It Is Well” he raised his hands to praise the God he loved and served so passionately. He was able to<a href="http://www.11r.com/jordan_schroeder/"> bless Jaycee and Arawen</a> one last time. He placed his hands on their heads and anointed them with oil. He prayed over them like this frequently and loved to prophesy and speak scripture into their young lives. He released them to Jesus, and relinquished all of his plans to impart his loves to them. The outdoors, basketball, the Bible, music. He let go of being able to teach them how to ride a bike, hear them learn to read, watch them turn into beautiful young ladies, and walk them down the aisle. He dreamt of and talked eagerly of doing those things, and when that dream died, he gave them to Jesus.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">I waited for him to die. He eventually lost consciousness. He was hallucinatory before that. I counted his breaths as they got slower and farther...and farther apart. “One...Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” I cried out in my mind as I looked at the cross, “Two...Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” And there was that cross. I waited for him to die. I lay there in that hospital bed, holding his hand, surrounded by family, and waited for my husband to die. My back was aching intensely from being in the same position for so long. My heart hurt so bad. It hurt physically. It literally felt like there was a small circular saw, cutting away at my sternum, in one long, thin, piercing, searing slice, right down the center of my chest, from the inside out. My heart was breaking and it was as if it was trying to get out of my body, detach itself from my soul, mind, and all the nerves that connected it to me and the other half right next to me, part of me yet separate, with the life seeping out of him. It didn’t last long, and yet, it seemed like forever. He kept breathing. And I kept counting. “...Fifty-two...Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.” And there was the cross again. And that horribly, crippling, incessant, real pain. It hurt to hear him try to breathe. The way his chest protruded with the sucking in, the sounds his throat made when the air came out. It hurts me to think about it now. It was agony. When the last breath sighed out of his body, I was rubbing his chest, my arm was around his neck, my forehead was against his, and then I kissed him. And then I left. I got up out of that bed, I stumbled out of that room, and when I got to that cold white, long hallway, I fell on my knees and I yelled as loud as I could: “God! I still believe in you!” I collapsed on the tile, my face on the floor, and the sobs wracking my body, as I cried and cried and cried. He was there. He was there the whole time. The whole time. All of Him. And all of His healing power. He was there and He is here. He simply </span><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: italic; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">is</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">. My biggest pain was unthinkably, unimaginably, horribly painful. And my biggest reality was Jesus Christ; incomprehensibly, unfathomably, inconceivably real. My dad was next to me, on his knees with his arms around me, sobbing with me. “Of course you do! Of course you believe in Him. Of course you do, sweetheart! You love Him. Of course you still believe in Him!” The rest of my family came out then, surrounding me and crying, sharing that big, engulfing and colossal sea of our collective pain in which I was drowning.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">And that’s my story. Excruciating, devastating, traumatizing, unbearable moments of my life. Turns out, I don’t have an explanation. God ordained this storm. He knew how much it would hurt, and He still numbered Jordan’s breaths so they ceased almost 5 months ago. And the pain just got worse after that. I had to tell my girls that Daddy wasn’t coming back. I had to plan a funeral. I had to keep on living. He’s fully in charge of the winds and the waves. And He doesn’t owe me an explanation. I have very real and present temptations to make a thousand accusatory queries of the God of the Universe. But because He is God, and I am man, it means He is far beyond our human comprehension. I also have a very real and present Savior. He never left me. He hurt me really bad, and I couldn’t feel Him sometimes but HE WAS THERE! He continues to be immovably right here in my pain and has given me the grace to praise Him in my storm. He’s also given me an indescribable and explicit trust that He will heal me. He will! And He will do it however and whenever He desires. So, I’m just doing what I was designed to do: praising my Creator. I raise my hands right now, to the God of the storms and say “Hallelujah!”</span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: transparent; "><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; "></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please note: the website for Jordan's revival service and blessing videos is now <a href="http://www.11r.com/jordan_schroeder/">http://www.11r.com/jordan_schroeder/</a><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; font-size: 11pt; background-color: transparent;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; font-family: Verdana; font-weight: bold; white-space: pre-wrap; "><br /></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; font-family: Verdana; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Isaiah 43:1-4 has been speaking volumes to me lately.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">But now thus says the LORD,</span><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent; background-color: transparent;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">he who created you, O Jacob, </span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">he who formed you, O Israel:</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "> I have called you by name, you are mine.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">When you pass through the waters, </span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">I </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; font-family: Verdana; font-weight: bold; white-space: pre-wrap; ">will be with you;</span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "> and through the rivers, </span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">they shall not overwhelm you;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">when you walk through fire </span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">you shall not be burned,</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "> and the flame shall not consume you.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">For I am the LORD your God,</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "> the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">I give Egypt as your ransom,</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "> Cush and</span><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Seba in exchange for you.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Because you are precious in my eyes,</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "> and honored, and I love you.</span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: transparent; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-81908607567303190452010-11-07T19:33:00.005-06:002010-11-08T14:47:39.348-06:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK3CmYos6tZZJ8Bv0RgFsoaLOljZAtm0ETYxk7pHSlVhpup14m19cHPJygF3i02hgj3WwX0BB1sBwONedJ4oQbDheI5oTw6nPyxA8haOELlyJXNl7jNQw0Ol02F3S_arf5e9OXa6cTcuxo/s1600/j22bday.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 291px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5536986151283315458" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK3CmYos6tZZJ8Bv0RgFsoaLOljZAtm0ETYxk7pHSlVhpup14m19cHPJygF3i02hgj3WwX0BB1sBwONedJ4oQbDheI5oTw6nPyxA8haOELlyJXNl7jNQw0Ol02F3S_arf5e9OXa6cTcuxo/s400/j22bday.jpg" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"> <div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center;font-size:16px;" ><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Nov 7, 2006. Jordan's 22nd birthday. The first one we celebrated together.</span></span></span></div><div style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">A while ago, I began an email reply to a friend of mine that we had the privilege of getting to know while we were in Mexico. She and her husband fought the cancer battle ferociously for 4 long years. Earlier this year, her husband died. She has two little boys. In her e-mail update she talked about their would-have-been 8-year anniversary. Here's an excerpt: "</span></span></span></span><span style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Sometimes I wonder if this would be so much easier to bear if we had had a rotten marriage - then maybe this wouldn't hurt so bad. It's so hard for me to face the future without him and all alone." Please pray for her. Her name is Nicole.</span></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">The half-finished email got left for another day, but yesterday, I began again, and it turned into a revelation: A shout-out to my Savior, the Lover of my soul and Redeemer of the World. I wanted to share some of it with all of you.</span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">As I'm sitting here crying and thinking about your e-mail and your anniversary and your breaking heart, please know that I'm bringing you to the Throne, where, like you said, we can come boldly to find grace to help in time of need. My heart hurts all the time and I think a lot about the awesome relationship with which Jordan and I were so blessed like you and Donny. I remember on several occasions having the enemy whisper over my shoulder to pull away, to resist growing closer to my husband and best friend because it would hurt more. My heart would be more entwined and therefore more shredded if something would happen to him. But I refused with my whole being, I fiercely fought that lie off and consciously made the effort to love him better and enjoy him more and bind my heart to his. Honestly, part of that was game-playing with God. I thought if He saw me resisting the devil and following him wholeheartedly, sacrificially loving my husband in the middle of trial He would spare me the loss and the hurt and the life-shattering. But I also knew it was the right thing to do and I did it with everything in me. Jesus in me chose to abandon my heart to the man I loved and who was dying of a terminal disease. And now, as I cling to the God that hurt me so deeply, I have been imparted a great thankfulness.</span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I'm so thankful our marriage was amazing. I know marriage is hard and flesh-denying, and takes great effort, and ours was all of that. But it was AMAZING! We were best friends and verbalized that to one another often. We anticipated greatly our just-us weekends and evenings together. We laughed and laughed and laughed, and cuddled all the time. Jordan would lay down on the couch or bed and yell "Family snuggle time!" So the girls and I would all pile on laughing and hugging and then just laying our heads on his chest. We hugged a lot! When he engulfed me in his arms, I'd look up at him and tell him, "This is my favorite spot in the whole world!" and I meant it. We'd fall asleep holding hands in the middle of the bed. We shared a lot of secret smiles and glances. Red lights were designed for kissing we had both concluded, so we'd kiss and then he'd </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">put his arm around me,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> look over nodding his head all big and cocky, and shout to the person next to us: "Yeah, she's my wife!" I'd just laugh. He loved to make me laugh and was good at it. He was so proud of me and I just really, really liked him and believed in him. I never doubted that I was the love of his life and we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God brought us together. I remember leaning over to him at every wedding we went to and telling him, "I'm just so glad I'm not marrying THAT guy. I'm so glad I got you!" He'd always exclaim, "How did I land you!?" with surprise and triumph all at once. He claimed he reeled me in with his charm and good looks. It was true. He had charm, good looks, and a heart that sought God. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I think he told all of his friends that he loved me way before our relationship went past friendship. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">He was always so vulnerable about where his heart was; it made me uncomfortable before we were married and then it challenged and amazed me after we were married. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">He was so okay with repenting in tears and baring his soul to me; all of his weaknesses, failures, desires, and dreams; he gave me all of him and entrusted his heart to me explicitly from the beginning. Some nights, we'd just talk forever, about everything. I was crazy about him. I completely melted and my head would spin when he'd stand right in front of me oozing manliness, and smirking down at me all mischievous and sexy, attracting every molecule in my body, completely aware of the fact that he was irresistible to me. He was; and I let him know it. We'd fake fight, and make huge deals out of little things because it was fun to yell and half-way insult the other while tempering it with a lot of humor. We'd get out the boxing gloves and go to town on each other; that may seem like an unfair advantage, but I'd get him giggling and then just whale on him, so it was pretty even. We claimed it was healthy for our marriage. He wanted me around for everything; so I learned and got a tiny bit better at basketball, fishing, hunting, baseball, golf, and watching sports. We loved having our girls along too; a lot of times, we'd have an opportunity to leave them or that would seem like the more logical thing to do, but we just wanted to enjoy them so we'd haul them out to eat or over to friends' houses and they'd just stay up all happy or go to sleep in a room somewhere. He sang songs to me. He'd put in a CD and perfectly imitate the country twang on all these cheesy love songs he liked and knew by heart, belting them with his amazing voice. He always tried to get me to harmonize with him and it never really worked, so we'd get a good laugh but he'd still encourage me with that gift of his; "One day, you'll be a worship leader!" he told me. He said things like that to the girls, too "You're going to be an awesome warrior for the Kingdom!" he'd tell Arawen, and to Jaycee, "You're going to love Jesus with your whole heart, because you have an amazing heart!" "You're both going to be incredible, godly, prophetic, Spirit-filled women of God. You're going to prophesy into people's lives and be used by Jesus to work miracles." He would say those things to them when they weren't even able to walk or talk. He saw God's fingerprints on them and was so visionary and vocal about his little world-changers. He took the responsibility of spiritual headship as a wonderful privilege and treated our Bible and prayer time as priority. He'd sing songs to Jaycee and Arawen when he put them in bed. Jaycee still won't let me sing "Jesus loves me" or "Trust and obey" because "only boys sing those songs." They're 'Daddy' songs to her. He loved us like crazy! He sacrificed for us; not only did he work so hard to provide, but he did tons of things around the house. He'd empty the dishwasher, put the groceries away, wash the dishes, sweep the carpet, make us breakfast, bathe the girls. He loved doing it too, and did it intentionally. He'd say, "That's because I love you!" He told me often that I blessed him, that I was an amazing wife and he never wanted to take me for granted. He also told me I was beautiful all the time and I felt beautiful around him. I told him he was "smokin' hot" and it became a catchphrase in our marriage because, according to him, I said 'smokin' with an 'l' sound in the middle. It just got exaggerated, and we'd call each other 'Smolkin!' It was awesome. He was the nickname master and we had a whole other language in our house. I don't know how many different nicknames we both went by and it became even more hilarious when the girls were born. His sense of humor was so prevalent in our everyday. I'd call him up and tell him all the funny things the girls did, knowing he was the only other one that would think it was that hysterical. We left each other love notes and Bible verses. On the kitchen table before he left for work and I got up. In his lunchbox. On the dashboard of the car. On the bathroom mirror. We text-messaged a lot and ended every phone conversation with "I love you" even if we were mad. Our marriage was a God thing! It was truly amazing!</span></span></div><div style="font-size:small;"><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Back to your inquiry about whether or not living would be easier if it hadn't been so wonderful; I don't think 'easy' is anywhere near our experience these days, and I am very aware that 'hard' is incredibly present. But I don't know how I could handle the guilt on top of the loss if I had been secretly hoping I could get out, if I had been harboring bitterness and resentment towards God for the husband He gave me, if I was distrusting Jordan's love for God and me. All of those things were beyond a shadow of a doubt in my mind. God was first and foremost. I was far and away his favorite woman on the planet and then our girls were next. I'm so humbled that I have an awesome legacy and story to tell Jaycee and Arawen. I'm so thankful I can talk so highly to them about the daddy of whom they are a piece. I'm so grateful we drank so deeply of the love with which God had so immensely blessed us and designed to be delightful, erotic, and soul-satisfying. I'm so so so very grateful!</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">There's a Sara Groves </span></span></span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNPjYghwLO0" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">song</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> I just heard that talks about getting to Heaven and asking Job how to be broken and faithful. It also talks about being broken and grateful and peaceful. </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">That's what I am! I am horribly, painfully broken and yet grateful! I am broken and faithful. I am broken and still praising God! Not in spite of, but because of all the pain I'm in. I have hope and peace that passes understanding because God is so massively big in my life. You see that big, rambling paragraph up there that was so extremely bittersweet and tearful to remember and write all by myself? Do you know how many other things I could've put up there if Jordan would've been reading over my shoulder? I've only got me to remember now and only my perspective to think from and parent from and make decisions from. I'm half a person. The oneness that we had in Christ through the holiness of marriage just got severed. My heart got shredded. I lost all of ^ that ^ up there! </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I ran to my Daddy with a gaping wound and He didn't even put a bandaid on it. He watched me bleed all over that 7th floor hospital room, all over that hospital bed I shared with Jordan, all over that last year of cancer. He watched those cancer cells overtake those precious lungs. And now, beyond anything I can understand, He's holding me right here at the foot of the cross. I'm just camping out at the cross. Because at the cross, God shouts "I LOVE YOU!" And that's what I need to hear. Over and over. It's at the cross I realize it's not all about me. I'm not the only one. I know that He knows and understands this kind of pain. He knows what it's like to watch the one you love the most on earth suffer and then die. I know He knows, because what He endured for the blackness of my soul was worse than what I'm enduring because of the blackness of sin, suffering, disease, and a fallen world. I'm overcome with thankfulness when I think of Jordan's firm faith in the cross of Calvary. </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I'm this broken and I'm this sad, and yet I experience daily a joy unspeakable and a thankfulness indescribable. I still have hope! Miraculous joy and miraculous hope.</span></span></div></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Today is Jordan's birthday. Twenty-six years ago, Rachel Sauder-Schroeder gave birth to Jordan Lee Schroeder. Duane and Rachel were blessed with their fourth child and second son on November 7, 1984. What a gift! What a miracle! I know; I've given birth twice and it's utterly life-changing. But do you know what birthday I'm unbelievably, far-and-away more grateful for? His real birthday. </span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">March 28th, 2004. On THAT day, Jordan Lee Schroeder was truly born. Covered by the blood of Jesus, and delivered into the Kingdom of God, he </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">became a new creature,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> dead to sin, ALIVE unto Christ. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">THAT day, Jesus overcame and satan lost, and a heavenly host rejoiced over a sinner's homecoming. Jordan got revived at the foot of the cross. He clung confidently to that new and supernatural life, being sanctified by the power of the Spirit and using His gifts to inspire faith and Bible hunger in so many people around him. He had real life to such a miraculous degree that not even death could quench it. So, on July 24, 2010 when that big heart stopped beating, he became even more alive than ever in the Presence of God!</span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Priceless! ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS! That gift of grace is unspeakably awe-inspiring to me right now. That knowledge I possess is beyond precious to me. It blesses me in the deepest depths of my soul! I'm speechless with how to express this gratitude. All I can say, is THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS JESUS!!! THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS!! THANK YOU JESUS! I am so in love with You and I'm humbled and overwhelmed by Your grace, Your mercy, Your provision, Your unsearchable love, Your unbelievable sacrifice, and Your miraculous, saving power! AMEN AND AMEN! AND HALLELUJAH! GOD,YOU ARE AWESOME!!</span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Today, I would love to be celebrating with Jordan and my brother Zachary. Zach turns 8 today. Jordan always told Zach they had the coolest birthday around. I can vividly imagine it; another joint party with home-made ice cream cake and the whole family gathered around my parents' big kitchen table. But today, I already got to celebrate with Jordan. Joining the Body of Christ at church and the heavenly throng at the Throne, I was privileged to raise my hands to the God of love, and sing "Glory to Your name" and "You rose and conquered the grave!" to The King. That praise reaches past the time-space continuum and my voice and Jordan's voice and countless others celebrated the only real thing worth celebrating: Jesus Christ. </span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Let's continue to praise Jesus. It's eternal.</span></span></div><div size="16px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div style="FONT-SIZE: 16px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Happy most-awesome-birthday ever, Baby!</span></span></div></span></div></span>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-19990718787295393472010-10-04T13:44:00.010-05:002010-10-04T15:39:09.168-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizYd3YgYvEZYgBaFzOp8IV9O9RvdDC-kUS53UNkGRwnpFIOJ89mjld-9yJSlWKhVi_fakLdP38fJfpb3smr3VWfdCXkJdBQM6xkeYyr9KIHSqWCDCt8sS34q6jWQjjwX6SVnQDnrqjigAR/s1600/jordan.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizYd3YgYvEZYgBaFzOp8IV9O9RvdDC-kUS53UNkGRwnpFIOJ89mjld-9yJSlWKhVi_fakLdP38fJfpb3smr3VWfdCXkJdBQM6xkeYyr9KIHSqWCDCt8sS34q6jWQjjwX6SVnQDnrqjigAR/s400/jordan.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524264166119087938" /></a><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My heart hurts.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It aches all the time. I didn't know you could be in this much pain and still function. I didn't know that I could survive this long without him. I didn't know my girls could go without their daddy. I didn't know that I didn't need to tell him all of the funny things they do throughout the day. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">I didn't know that I could teach, instruct, and discipline Jaycee and Arawen without him. I didn't know I could make financial decisions on my own.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "> I didn't know I could get dressed up and go somewhere without having him tell me I was beautiful.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "> I didn't know my body could ache to be held.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "> I didn't know eternity would ever be this real to me. I didn't know that praising God would make me cry every time. I didn't know that God would implant thankfulness into my heart. I didn't know that I'd trust Him explicitly to heal me in His time. I didn't know how solely sufficient Jesus is.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I did know, however, that I was immeasurably blessed with the husband God gave me. I'm so thankful -SO THANKFUL- we expressed our love and thankfulness for each other all throughout our marriage!<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I found my last hand-written note to him while I was moving out of the home we had purchased in April. The girls and I have been so blessed to have my parents open up their home to us. We've been living here since mid August. This was written sometime mid June:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> I LOVE YOU!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I LOVE OUR WEEKENDS TOGETHER!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I LOVE OUR NEW HOUSE!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I LOVE OUR FRIDGE</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I LOVE YOUR FACIAL HAIR</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I LOVE LAUGHING WITH YOU!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Randomly, I was in an old e-mail inbox today and I found one I had saved.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Four years ago tomorrow he wrote me this e-mail.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal; "><span style="color:#3333ff;"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">Hey Gorgeous-</span></span></pre><pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal; "><span style="color:#3333ff;"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">Sometimes I just don't know how to show you how much you truly mean to me. I try to tell you when I can but words just aren't enough. I hope that my actions speak louder than my words. I thank God for you, babe. You are an amazing woman and God has given you an amazing heart. Let's keep giving everything to God because the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. So if He wants to take something from us then He can. I am so excited about having a baby with you. I love kids so much and I know you do too. I pray that God will give us wisdom and grace to teach and raise our kids the way He designed us to. I know you are not too excited about the newborn stage but I think God designed it so we can gradually learn. He works in different ways to refine us and make us holy. I keep praying that our love for each other will burn 7 times hotter, and that our love for God will be more than that. Thanks for everything, babe. Sorry when I sin against and don't treat you the way that I should. You truly mean the world to me. I look forward every day to my drive home because I know you are there. May God truly bless you and thanks for being a blessing to me.</span></span></pre><pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal; "><span style="color:#3333ff;"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">The one who will always be there for you,</span></span></pre><pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal; "><span style="color:#3333ff;"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">Jordan</span></span></pre></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span">What els</span>e is there to say? My tears are streaming and my heart is hurting and my soul is yearning for Jesus.</span></div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-84962188532302781712010-09-18T11:49:00.001-05:002010-09-18T11:50:15.604-05:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; font-size: 13px; "><p class="uc-subheading" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.8em; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; ">SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2010 10:42 AM, CDT</p><div class="apply-wordwrap uc-message" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; word-wrap: break-word; "><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; "><strong style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; "><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">But<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 6px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "> </span></span>whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ. Phil 3:7-8<br /><br /></span></strong></span>Knowing Jesus is better than everything else. It surpasses all. It's worth infinitely more than any other imaginable blessing. Even having and holding my best friend? even being a part of a God-honoring, amazing marriage? even having a godly, sacrificial daddy for my girls? Even receiving a huge, physical healing miracle? All of that is garbage compared to knowing Jesus?<br /><br />If that is true, then I am still abundantly blessed. I am incredibly rich. <br /><br />What I once thought I knew, I now KNOW. I know that I know that I know that I KNOW Jesus. I know Him personally. I am His and He is in me. I am His sheep & I hear His voice. This is a powerful, seared-into-my-soul Truth. And sometimes, I feel like the gain of this invaluable knowledge came at too painfully high of a price. But that doesn't make it untrue. My feelings never eclipse Truth.<br /><br />It's been 7 weeks. Today would've been our 51st wedding anniversary. Yes, we celebrated months. Sometimes with a date, often with a little love note, but mostly, it was just a race to see who could remember and say "Happy Anniversary!" first.<br /><br />I know it's been a long time. (And yet, it seems so close.) I know there's more to the story. I know I'm called to write. I know I have a God-given gift. I know it has nothing to do with the recipient, but the Giver gets all the glory for what He bestows. I know I need to continue the blog & be willing to be a witness to grief, confusion, and the unchanging & redemptive nature of a really big God. But, it's hard right now. Please pray for that willingness & calling.<br /><br />The following is something Jordan's brother Jesse wrote. Jesse & his lovely wife Jill are my friends and love me and the girls in a capacity that far exceeds what I was to their brother. They love us because we're us, they love us because Jesus is Jesus. Jill is my big sister and Jesse's my other big brother because of who we are in Christ. I am so thankful for them!<br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 16px; border-collapse: collapse; "><br />Revival Service for Jordan Lee Schroeder - Held July 28, 2010<br /><br />Revival. It is a word that immediately conjures up images of tent meetings and circuit-riding preachers. And although revival is indeed marked by specific times and events where the Holy Spirit manifests Himself in a mighty, powerful way, revival is also much more than that. Revival means to make alive again. It is a work that God directs in the hearts of individuals, for only God can take something that is dead and make it alive again. Only God can renew the fire in a soul for the things that are eternal. <br /><br />Revival begins one person at a time - it begins with you and it begins with me. We will experience the revival that Jordan prayed for and lived for when we, by God's transforming power and grace, seek to live out His Word. When each of us hears Jesus' voice, comes and follows Him, and obeys Him, revival will come. When we love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, revival will come. When we step out of our comfort zones and into the path of obedience, revival will come. It will flow through our lives. We will experience firsthand, in this life and the next, the abundant life that Jesus Christ offers...regardless of what may come our way.<br /><br />John 10:10 - I (Jesus) have come that they (you & me) may have life and have it more abundantly.<br /><br />On July 28, 2010 a revival service for Jordan Lee Schroeder was held. The purpose was simple, "In memory of Jordan Schroeder. In honor of Jesus Christ." God graciously answered this prayer in numerous ways. The service was documented and we have created a website that makes the audio and video available for listening, viewing, and downloading. A transcript of the service is also available on the website in both .doc and .pdf formats. <br /><br />As a heart-touching bonus, we have included the audio and video of Jordan's final blessings of Jaycee and Arawen. Jordan loved to bless his two girls and pray over them since before they were born. The Holy Spirit empowered him to make final blessings that will have eternal ramifications for God's Kingdom for both Jaycee and Arawen.<br /><br />The website address is <span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline; "><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "><a href="http://www.11r.com/" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(87, 151, 176); ">www.11r.com</a></span></span> We pray and trust that you will be blessed and encouraged to follow Jesus, obey Him, and experience revival in your life and the lives of those around you.<br /><br />Should you prefer to receive a copy of the DVD or CD that includes the Revival Service and Jordan's Final Blessings of Jaycee & Arawen, please email <a href="mailto:schro98@sbcglobal.net" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(87, 151, 176); ">schro98@sbcglobal.net</a> with your name, address, format choice (DVD and/or CD), and number of copies and they will be sent to you.<br /><br />Below is a listing of the artists and songs that have ministered to us throughout the past year. You may want to create your own playlist based upon these songs. We entitled ours, "Jordan's Journey."<br /><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">Matt Redman - Blessed Be Your Name</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">Laura Story - Mighty to Save</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">Keith & Kristyn Getty - By Faith </span><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">Christy Nockels - Healing is in Your Hands, Hosanna, You are Able, A Mighty Fortress, Marvelous Light</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">The Kry - I Believe in You, You're All I Need, I Keep on Running, Take My Hand, He Won't Let You Go</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">Wayne Watson - A Beautiful Place, Walk in the Dark, Hard Times</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">Chris Tomlin - Our God </span><br /><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', times; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">Selah - Timeless, Press On, Through it All</span><br /><br />Thank you again for your faithful prayers and support for Jordan, Katelyn, Jaycee, Arawen, and the Schroeder and Thames families. You have been a true testimony of the love and unity that is present in the Body of Christ. May God bless you abundantly according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.<br /><br />God bless you all, </span><span style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 16px; border-collapse: collapse; ">Jesse Schroeder (Jordan's brother), on behalf of Katelyn, Jaycee, & Arawen, the Schroeder family, and the Thames family</span> <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: x-small; ">note: I (Katelyn) have not seen any of the videos. Yet. I tried, I collapsed, I wept, & now I'm waiting for God to bless me with the ability to see it in His time.</span> <br /></div><div><br /></div></span>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-49617009202333991442010-07-26T15:10:00.002-05:002010-07-26T15:14:16.486-05:00<div align="center"><em><span style="color:#3333ff;">-I'm going to a better place.</span><br /><br />-Is that okay with you, Baby?<br /><br /></em><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em>-Yeah; it's what Jesus wants.</em><br /></span><br /><br /><br /><em><span style="color:#3333ff;">I want this to be a revival. And not just for the people in this room. For everyone.</span></em></div><div align="center"><em><span style="color:#3333ff;"> -Jordan, 7.24.10</span></em><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:lucida grande;font-size:180%;">Revival Service.</span></strong><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">In memory of Jordan Schroeder.</span> </div><div align="center"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>In honor of Jesus Christ.</strong><br /></span><br />Northwoods Community Church<br />Peoria, IL<br />Officiating: Jeff Thames and Jesse Schroeder</div><div align="center">Wednesday, July 28th, 2010,<br />10:00 a.m.<br /><br />Visitation:<br />Roanoke Apostolic Christian Fellowship Hall<br />Roanoke, IL<br />Tuesday, July 27th, 2010,<br />2-4 p.m. & 6-8 p.m.<br /><br />Graveside service at Roanoke A.C. Church Cemetary<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>To God be the glory! </strong><br /></span><br /></div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com54tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-11057711702608130672010-07-22T19:40:00.001-05:002010-07-22T19:40:57.427-05:00Thursday, July 22, 2010 7:33 PM, CDT <br /><br />I'm just gonna say it, cause I was convicted about my own prayers for them: praying for peace and comfort can wait. pray for healing, and if u can't, pray for faith. we're the ones who want peace and comfort, cause watching our friends suffer is making us uncomfortable. jordan and katelyn haven't asked for peace and comfort yet-they want the miracle God has for them. press on. <br /><br />This was the Facebook status of one of our tireless prayer warriors, Angie Luginbuhl. <br /><br />All I have to say is, Amen. <br /><br />The struggle is great, but the grace is greater. My heavenly Father keeps peering over this huge mountain down at me and says, "Look up, I'm bigger than this."<br /><br />Jordan's a warrior and I am so, so thankful for this faithful man of God. He is expectantly waiting for God to show up. He will!<br /><br />Again, please join in praying for a miracle tonight at 8. This is God's deal; but I have no problems as His child asking for what He does best. <br /><br />We love you all!the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-42941637969037834352010-07-22T10:03:00.001-05:002010-07-22T10:04:22.744-05:00Tonight! Healing prayer for Jordan Schroeder. Northwoods Community Church. Room G, in the basement. 8 - 9 p.m. EVERYONE WELCOME!!the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-52737055859298041082010-07-22T09:25:00.001-05:002010-07-22T09:25:44.627-05:00Thursday, July 22, 2010 9:08 AM, CDT <br /><br />Dear Everybody,<br /><br />Please keep believing in a miracle from God for us. We believe it. Jordan's body is racked by a ferocious disease. His breathing is labored, his oxygen is intensive-care-unit worthy. We're getting do-not-resuscitate decisions shoved down our throat.<br /><br />We just got done crying out to God together. Jordan huffed his way through "God, You get all the glory from my body right now!" We are binding in the name of Jesus Christ this disease and releasing his power and life over Jordan's body today.<br /><br />Please join us today!<br /><br />Love, Jordan & Katelyn, Jaycee & Arawenthe schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-57846946133726079242010-07-20T14:11:00.001-05:002010-07-20T14:11:21.878-05:00Tuesday, July 20, 2010 1:58 PM, CDT <br /><br />To all of our warriors in the Army of Christ, thank you for fighting with us, for lifting our arms when we couldn't keep them raised ourselves. Thank you for continuing in prayer. <br /><br />Although our mountain looms large, the face of Jesus is that on which we're fixing our gaze. HE is bigger than all of this!<br /><br />Taped on the bathroom door wall in this hospital room is a to-do list. I crossed all the mundane things off and what remained I taped to the door: <br />-Look @ Jesus<br />-Desire glory<br />-Do not fear<br />-Sing<br /><br />Dad's hospital church service on Jehoshaphat's story is the inspiration.<br /><br />Also, we had Jordan's prayer ministry course teacher in here on Sunday afternoon and part of her prayer over him is coming to mind and bringing comfort.<br />"Thank You Father that the prayers of your saints for Jordan are sweet fragrance before You and that they MATTER to you!"<br /><br />We are hoping to come home from the hospital tonight. These past 4 days have basically been a trial period to see what Jordan needs for pain control. They've been brutal, but sustained by grace.<br /><br />Please pray for complete, miraculous healing and that we would be able to come home!!the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-38833809785794327732010-07-18T07:20:00.000-05:002010-07-18T07:23:32.094-05:00<span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">A Battle Cry Call to Fasting and Prayer</span></strong><br /><br /><strong>Attention! All Christian Soldiers and Prayer Warriors of Jesus Christ</strong><br /><br />The time has come the time is now!<br /><br />Jordan & Katelyn have considered their medical treatment options with no hope of improvement or a cure against this enemy and agent of death, this ever growing cancer; and they have decided to move Jordan home and cry out to <strong>God</strong>, the only source of <strong>Miraculous Hope</strong>.<br /><br />As you read on their last post, they have laid all their hopes and dreams on God’s altar. They also know that the only one who can stay the knife has already died so they can live forever in Him.<br /><strong>He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how will he not also along with him also freely give us all things. Romans 8:32</strong><br /><br />They are begging all God’s people to fast and pray to God for them beginning Monday July 19, 2010. Please pray that God would be merciful to Jordan and Katelyn as he was merciful to nearly dead Epaphroditus and Paul in Phillipians 2:27.<br /><br />In preparation, please consider what God did in the Bible and his amazing responses to fasting and prayer when his people were facing enemy, danger or death like Jehoshaphat in 2Chronicles<br />20:1-30, Hezekiah (2 Kings 20:1-11), Ezra (ch. 8:21-23), & Esther (ch.4:14-17); and even his response to some wicked men who fasted and prayed like the King of Ninevah (Jonah:3:5-10), & Ahab (1 Kings 21:20-29). See Isaiah 58 & Matthew 6:6-18 for further instructions.<br /><br />Lastly remember the importance of fasting and prayer in healing the boy in Matthew 17:14-21 and don’t forget the words of Jesus,<br />This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting Mark 9:29<br /><br /><strong>David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth. . . And he said, . . . I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?</strong> 2 Samuel 12:16,22<br /><br />Thanking you in advance for your prayers!<br />Jordan and Katelyn’s Family & Friends</span>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com79tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-84059398152527701682010-07-17T10:52:00.001-05:002010-07-17T10:56:36.549-05:00Saturday, July 17, 2010 9:56 AM, CDT<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">When I am weak, then am I strong.</span><br /></strong>2 Cor 12:10<br /><br />How do you operate in a Truth when everything you feel screams "False!" at you?<br /><br />How do you <em>know</em> Jesus is here when he <em>feels</em> nonexistent?<br /><br />I have run out of prayers. The doctors have run out of hope.<br /><br />Medically, Jordan has been in an intense amount of pain for an extended amount of time. His body has been screaming at him for over a month. He's lost over 30 pounds in the last 2 months. We went straight to the ER from the airport. Not the original plan! We did get an epidural placed last night, and he's on high-dose pain meds, so there was a reprieve from the agony last night. This morning, he's still not entirely comfortable. We're at Methodist. On the oncology floor.<br />His cancer is "very advanced." His prognosis is "very poor."<br /><br />I'm always on the verge of tears. I'm exhausted and can't think straight. I keep finding myself at the Throne of Jehovah. I don't really pray a whole lot, I just claim the blood of Jesus, stand before my God as redeemed, and make known my need for mercy.<br /><br /><strong>For indeed he was sick nigh unto death: but God had mercy on him...</strong> Phil 2:27'<br /><br />Just before we came home from Mexico, we were talking about dreams and the Giver of dreams. Promises and the PromiseKeeper. Jordan prayed then, and he gave everything back to God. I watched my 25-year-old husband, father of 2, place his dreams on the altar. He laid them all down.<br /><br />Watching his girls grow up. Teaching them about Jesus. Walking them down the aisle. Growing old with his wife. Having a little boy. Growing a business with his buddy. Preaching the Word of God. Hunting. Building a house in the country one day...<br /><br />He gave them all back to Jesus.<br /><br />This morning, I was up early, and sobbing on the living room floor, I gave my dreams to Jesus. Being married to a better-than-I-deserve man of God. Having my baby girls grow up with their daddy. Living in our new home. Having a little boy. Tropical family vacations. I gave Jordan to his Father. I left him at the altar.<br /><br />And you know what? Through all the heartwrenching tears and heartache, we both left the Throneroom still extravagantly rich.<br /><br />We still have Jesus. <strong>At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you. </strong>(John 14:20)<br /><br /><br />"When your hope is running dry<br />When your dreams have waved goodbye<br />Hold on<br />Hold on to Me"<br />(Stellar Kart- our favorite cd right now. I listened to this song over and over last night)<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QI77bSj43o">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QI77bSj43o</a><br /><br />While we're learning a lot about surrendering to God, we are still fighting a battle with the enemy. Coming soon: a battle cry call to fasting and prayer.the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-23419942946482078702010-07-15T10:54:00.002-05:002010-07-15T10:54:34.616-05:00<span style="color:#000099;">It's been another one of those crazy weeks. After finding out the news from the CT scan of the lungs we started praying about and researching other clinics. With that many metastases on the lungs we know that my condition is extremely serious. Back in August they counted at least 16 spots on each lung but stopped counting because we were getting depressed. This time the pictures showed the same thing, if not more spots. They were all over. It has been extremely difficult dealing with that news but we have not lost hope.<br /><br />Looking back over this past year we have so blessed. I have been able to work, play, we bought a new house, I got a new job. MY quality of life up until recently has been pretty amazing. Thinking of what it would have been like with the original chemo regimen they had me on, I can't imagine what this past year would have been like. I probably would not have been able to work and probably would weigh about 140 pounds. We have been thankful for this past year. God has really blessed it.<br /><br />We feel like we are in the same boat as a year ago but they said I may not even live 6 months. We are going to continue to fight and trust that God will still bring complete healing even though things seem to be getting worse. l have lost quite a bit of weight over the last few months. Please pray that I will get my appetite back and that I can stay nourished. Right now, I really need to concentrate on my diet and not feed the cancer. It is difficult, but I believe God can bless it and give me the discipline to eat the foods that will help my body the most. Katelyn has been great at supporting me in this and I am thankful for that. Pray for her perseverance as well and that she could continue to encourage me in what I eat.<br /><br />She has been absolutely amazing. If I had to sum it up I would say she has been a rock. The many times I would break into tears of severe pain she would always be there to comfort me and pray for me. She has been so willing to get me whatever I need and I am so in awe of the way she loves me. I keep telling her there is a giant mansion in Heaven waiting there just for what she has done on my behalf. Continue to lift her up in your prayers. It is very difficult for her to see me this way and I know she grows very weary at times. All I can say is thank you so much Jesus for the amazing wife of 4 years. I hope she will be my wife for another 70 years.<br /><br />We have been looking into clinics in Atlanta, New York, and Texas. They all kind of have different approaches and each one sounds better when you are talking to someone over the phone about it. We talked to a doctor from Atlanta today and he said that sarcomas are very difficult to treat. They can respond very well to treatment and then mutate and find a way around it. We have been doing lots of thinking and praying and trying to decide where we should go next. We just feel like we are at the end of the road here at Rubio's and it's time for a change. No hard feelings. They have been so accommodating and we are thankful for the treatment and the help they provided this past year.<br /><br />We decided tonight that we are going to fly out of San Diego tomorrrow and head home for the weekend to be with family and friends. We will then decide where we will go from there. We may even stay home if we feel God leading us to trust in complete healing around home. We don't know for sure. We do look forward to being home, though.<br /><br />They ended up doing a nerve block in my back tonight. They stuck a needle in my spine and gave me morphine and another med. They will send a pump or two home with us then so we can continue the doses. Each dose lasts about 30 hours. I feel better already. All week I have had nerve sensations that cause my left leg to be tight all the time. It is very uncomfortable and has made it very difficult to walk and sleep. It feels great to get some relief but we know that it is just a band aid right now, and is not fixing the underlying problem of the tumor in the pelvis. Hopefully, it will help the flight home be a little more enjoyable than the flight out.<br /><br />So how can you pray for us? Pray for a safe trip home tomorrow. Pray for strength for me and recovery for me. Pray that we can be a light to those that we come into contact with this weekend. Pray that we can be re-energized with supernatural joy and hope this weekend as we have missed our family and friends so much. Pray for wisdom and discernment as we decide where to take the next step. Pray for God to be glorified no matter what the outcome is. Thanks for all your prayers.<br /><br />We have had many dreams and visions as a family for our future. We have had people pray and prophesy incredible things into our lives. God has given us confirmation that we will get through this. Katelyn made a great point this morning and said maybe we are putting all our hope in those dreams and not in the Dream Giver. I thought about that a lot today and I think she hit the nail on the head. God wants us to want Him and Him only. He wants our total focus and attention. He says we will find him when we seek for Him with our whole hearts. Joseph had a dream. Things didn't quite go the way I think he thought they might after receiving the dream. Between the pit, Potiphar, prison, and the palace it says the Lord was with him. In the end, he was able to tell his brothers that the Lord meant it for good. It says the word of the Lord tried Joseph. Did he cling to his Lord, or to his dream? We want to cling to Jesus and trust that whatever his will is we are willing to do it. Thank you Lord for bringing that word through Katelyn. She is so right. Pray that we can forsake everything else and just cling to our Savior and in what he has in store for us. </span>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-49436102581774948212010-07-09T23:08:00.002-05:002010-07-09T23:12:02.017-05:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Z55cOESl9nRNgzKZ_JjKH5KC07Kvlh0PqySexbpr_5EZKDoQK6pXYdu2XnSxJiquxdUcxwv15sZtoEEBXRhrrAuz1kzqbN7VuNQU1T8TnLzBXdR22cPpV4SOZ9QTPFcp5I1yQ8EzP6LS/s1600/house"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Z55cOESl9nRNgzKZ_JjKH5KC07Kvlh0PqySexbpr_5EZKDoQK6pXYdu2XnSxJiquxdUcxwv15sZtoEEBXRhrrAuz1kzqbN7VuNQU1T8TnLzBXdR22cPpV4SOZ9QTPFcp5I1yQ8EzP6LS/s400/house" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492124834975464690" /></a><br /><br /><br /><strong>Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, ... the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. <br />...What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?</strong><br /><br />I was by the pool with my Bible. There's been a lot of talk about Job recently around here. I figured it was a good thing to go back and re-read the book. I had just got to chapter 4, with the above passages having really spoken to me when Dr. Rubio approached me.<br /><br />It was the last thing I wanted to hear. It was the worst news possible. The only remarkable thing was that I didn't dissolve into tears- then.<br /><br />The cancer has taken over Jordan's lungs again. It's really bad.<br /><br />I know I'm risking 'too personal' here, but I don't have the stamina to write an original post tonight. This is a portion of an e-mail to our family sent yesterday. It is our heart right now.<br /><strong>Blessed be the name of the Lord.</strong><br /><br />On Tuesday, we got to be ministered to by a brother in Christ that occasionally comes down to this clinic from Los Angeles. He's a minister/PhD in integrated medicine, very passionate about the Word and Spirit. It was truly a divine appointment; he prayed for us, prophesied into our lives and we had amazing fellowship in the Spirit! As we were praying, I remembered Jill's prayer request for breakthrough and it was a breakthrough into our discouragement and doubt. He spoke to us about unforgiveness and told us to ask God to reveal anything in the way of His throne, he challenged us to give our firstfruits to the Lord, including our time. He mentioned how coming into his presence with praise and thanksgiving is so key. We've been blessed to have had amazing, anointed prayer & worship time these past 2 mornings together. Confessing and forsaking sin, releasing those who have wronged us, thanking God for everything, even the hard things. Claiming promises in the name of Jesus, binding demonic influence and releasing hope, strength, life, peace, & miraculous healing. (Mat 16:19)<br /><br />We're really learning a whole lot more than we ever wanted to about the truth of Ephesians 6, how we don't wrestle against flesh and blood but against principalities, powers, rulers of darkness, & spiritual wickedness. The battle down here has been intense, but, (also in Eph 6), we're well equipped for it. After that incredibly uplifting time of prayer with Mr. Warren, that night, Jordan was in so much pain, it hurt him when I crawled up on the bed. He could feel it in his leg and he was rocking back and forth on all fours crying out. Can anyone think of anything more discouraging and disheartening? That was the night he was supposed to go down to 2 fentanyl patches, but quite obviously, couldn't. I knew it was a satanic counterattack & we needed to pray, and we did. <br /><br />God's really been changing our prayer language. Our spiritual eyes are slowly being opened and we're being given more confidence in the power & authority of the Spirit that indwells us. Jordan ended up having a fairly marginal night that night but he will testify that it was infused with something miraculous: a peace that passes understanding, a knowledge of the fact the God in him was enabling him to get through the discomfort. He was aware of his body's groanings, but he was MORE aware of the divine peace that rested on him throughout the entire night, getting him through. Praise God!<br /><br />We also got to talk on the phone with both Mom & Dad and my parents last night, (actually only my dad talked, but I'm pretty sure we were on speaker with my mom right there- again, typical or what? :) ) Anyways, a while later when we were in bed, Jordan mentioned to me that our families are under attack from the enemy just like we are. We want you to know that we are praying for you. Fear is the antithesis of love (1 John 4). We know fear is a struggle. We know discouragement can yank our eternal perspective from beneath us. We know! And we are praying. We want you to know that we love you, we feel your love and prayers and we're all in the fight together because we're all part of the body of Christ, engaged in the apocalyptic warfare of the universe. <br /><br />It sounds so dramatic and scary and yet! read Revelation. The end of the story- we're already on the winning side! Guaranteed victory. Actually victory ALREADY won, there, at the cross and the empty tomb! One of my ABSOLUTE favorite verses: <strong>"These shall make war against the Lamb, and the Lamb shall overcome them because He is Lord of lords and King of kings. And they that are with Him are called and chosen and faithful!" </strong>(Rev. 17:14) Yeah!!! It makes my blood pump! It's like there's no other possible option for the simple reason of WHO Jesus is. The Lord of lords and King of kings lose a battle? it's entirely ludicrous! And then I love the part about who we are. Called and chosen and faithful. Not because of anything we did or do, not because we're so lovable, amazing, & worthy. But because Jesus called. Jesus chose us. And Jesus makes us faithful. Awesome! Be encouraged in who your Savior is, be encouraged in the fact that He is also our Savior and is in us. He will continue to lead us, direct us, impart His wisdom as we make decisions about which we know you all care deeply. Thank you for trusting the Spirit in us. It's what we need.<br /><br />Love, Jordan, Katelyn, & Jayceethe schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-24563896256197999132010-07-06T01:06:00.001-05:002010-07-06T01:07:58.063-05:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPYUmOMbZRAALmdjyh0Hk-SHMabcZobOsCQl_qA-_PzCTLkgy70r0C1og-_lLRoPBxB_CYw8KFSG__G4oxl2g4irB8UCdvacTW7BsG17V8yNK2YeVIMjyAZUbfQt25K8M9-71mDLIrsOGo/s1600/fbwedding.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPYUmOMbZRAALmdjyh0Hk-SHMabcZobOsCQl_qA-_PzCTLkgy70r0C1og-_lLRoPBxB_CYw8KFSG__G4oxl2g4irB8UCdvacTW7BsG17V8yNK2YeVIMjyAZUbfQt25K8M9-71mDLIrsOGo/s400/fbwedding.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490670939437818562" /></a><br /><br />Monday, July 5, 2010 11:26 PM, CDT <br /><br /> <br />We celebrated our 4th anniversary last month. Yay God!<br /><br /><br /><br />Jordan slept on Thursday night. A request we'd been making for many nights was granted. I came in to check on him later in the morning. He pulled me into his arms and just prayed a prayer of thanksgiving to our merciful Father. He prayed for other things too, but mostly he just held me and told God that he loved Him. I wept; because even though I was in a too-small bed in an unfamiliar room in a cancer hospital in Mexico, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. <br /><br /><br />And I don't even believe in luck. I believe in being blessed. And I am so so blessed to have been given a husband willing to be refined by a sanctifying process that is divinely orchestrated and often confusing. That God would place in his heart the desire to lift His name, to thank Him first. To come into His courts with praise. For the small things, which, turns out, are big things.<br /><br />Right now, Jordan's on the verge of sleep. He's been napping on and off all day. He's slightly out of it because of the morphine that now has the pain under control. He is unable to walk. He can, however, do something resembling a hobble-lurch hybrid. The tumor pressure on his nerve is his biggest complaint. It's not that it's painful, "sharp-or-achy-painful", it's just incredibly uncomfortable. He described it as the feeling of having 40 pounds of dead-weight on his left leg, being unable to feel if his foot is on the ground or not, and as if his whole leg is asleep all of the time, with minimal relief. <br /><br />We got our MRI results back today. The doctor concurred with the U.S. doctors that the cancer had come back sometime between January and May. The small, but horrible spots that are in his right pelvis, are, in fact that big and horrible word: "metastases." (For those who aren't keeping track, his large tumor is in his left pelvis.) Because of the treatment he has had since June, those spots are now less than half of what they were. Good news. The loss of sensation and ability to walk is blamed on the large tumor sort of flattening and becoming elongated due to the radiation therapy. Good and bad news. The tumor is, essentially being split in two because they are radiating its center. Good news. The half nearest his spine is being pushed into his nerves. Bad news.<br /><br />We're getting a CT scan of his lungs on Friday.<br /><br />Obviously, this is a pretty hard time right now. We need a lot of things. Discernment. Hope. Joy. Peace. Patience. Strength. But mostly, we need Jesus. Less of ourselves and more of Jesus. <br /><br />Before I end, let me try to practice the humbling lesson I learned on Friday: (I wish this didn't feel like such a big sacrifice.)<br />Thank You, Jehovah for being Who You Are! Thank You for Your provision of faith. Thank You for Your sovereignty and love. Thank You for Your abundant blessings. Thank You for the psalms and for prayer. Thank You for being so much bigger than everything.<br /><br /><br /><strong>And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare his works with rejoicing. (Psalm 107:22)</strong>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-86500795642120862862010-06-30T23:06:00.000-05:002010-06-30T23:07:26.050-05:00<span style="color:#000066;">Wednesday, June 30, 2010 6:36 PM, CDT<br /><br />By God's grace and the help of family we made it safely down to Mexico. I was originally booked for a Sunday flight so I could start getting radiation. 15 minutes before we were supposed to leave for the airport we got a call saying the flight was cancelled. We didn't get on anything for Monday either. The storms made all the Monday flights fill up quickly. We thought a good friend might be able to get us a good deal heading out on Tuesday but that would mean us flying standby. Because of the storms there was no longer room on that flight either. He told us that Milwaukee has a very reasonably one way direct flight to San Diego. We called Katelyn's family to see if someone would be willing to drive us there in the morning to catch an 8:30 flight.<br /><br />Josh and Hannah were picked for the task. My wonderful father-in-law took several seats out of their big van and put a mattress in there for Katelyn and I to sleep in on the way up. We met them at 3:20 and were on our way to Wisconsin. The bumpy ride caused some discomfort in my back, but I slept pretty well on the 4 hour drive. It sure beat being crammed in a seat on a connecting flight. We made to the airport in great time. We checked in and the lady ended up bumping me up to first class free of charge. What an enormous blessing, thank you Jesus!<br /><br />We made it to our gate and I got drugged up for the flight. Vicodin plus Morphine still didn't take away the pain I had. The back wasn't as bad, it was the pain radiating down my whole left leg from pressure on a nerve. The flight started off smoothly. I was pretty comfortable, and thought I would be able to get some sleep. Wrongo! I had had a hard time driving to Dr. Schock's office in the week and that was just sitting for 10 minutes. How would a 4 hr flight go? One minute at a time it felt like. Luckily I had enough room to kneel down in front of my seat and put my arms on my seat and get some relief. The people around me probably didn't know what was going on. We finally arrived in San Diego around 11 am. We were picked up and I was able to lay down in the back of the van for some much needed relief.<br /><br />We crossed the border and headed straight to radiation. By this point my left leg is extremely numb from sitting on that long flight. It had not gotten near that bad at home. Radiation went fine and we came back to the clinic for some more treatment. They gave me some detox and I tried to rest. The back pain has been slowly getting some relief but the sensation in the leg is getting worse. When I try to sleep in any position pressure gets put on the leg and I can't sleep. I probably got about 3 hours of sleep last night. Still far from ideal.<br /><br />Dr. Rubio talked to us about the previous culture and said that it was mainly dead cells that were causing the inflammation. He said it doesn't help either that you are skinny because you don't have any fat to cushion the swelling. We are planning an MRI for sometime in the next few days to see what we can find. He also is going to call his physical therapist to see if she can help relax my leg and bring me some relief. All I want to do is sleep. No pain med I have taken in the past month has been able to allow that to happen. No number of times during the night spent crying out in pain to God has allowed that to happen.<br /><br />That has been the hardest part. We know we have so many people praying for us, our friends, families, church families, complete strangers. Katelyn and I cry out to God every night. We put on our spiritual armor. We pray in the name of Jesus, we cast off, we declare death on the cancer cells, we come against anything standing in the way of the healing, and `all we get is a dial tone coming from the other end. That has been so very difficult. I know God has been there and is with me at all times, but during the hardest times I want to be able to feel him the closest.<br /><br />We know that He has a purpose for all this. We trust and cling to His promises. We know that He will never leave us or forsake us. We know that all power is given to him in heaven and earth, and lo he is with us always. We just don't always feel it. I know someday I will look back and see His hand throughout the whole journey, but for some reason in the midst of the suffering you just don't see it. Jesus endured it. Job felt it. God didn't give him answers, just more questions. Like Job I know that my Redeemer lives, and that is what keeps us going. Through all the tears, sleepless night, pain meds, IVs, flights, everything. He is with us. In Him we live and move and have our being, so I'm not going to give up now. He has a mighty plan and purpose for our lives, and I'm not going to let some disease of the enemy keep my family from doing what we are supposed to do. We have all been purchased with a price, not of something incorruptible, but the precious blood of Jesus. A lamb without blemish. Let us all live knowing that we are His!!! </span>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-61118847474258914722010-06-25T01:22:00.000-05:002010-06-25T01:23:08.922-05:00Thursday, June 24, 2010 9:05 PM, CDT<br /><br /><span style="color:#000099;">Well, it's been a pretty rough past few weeks. Last week I fought fevers on and off. By the fourth night we decided we should probably get it looked at. We drew blood the next morning to check counts and look for infections. The counts came back pretty normal and they never found any growth on the culture. Once the fevers passed the tumor site started to become painful again. The inflammation is causing lots of discomfort, to the point of not being able to sleep again. Apparently my body started to get used to the Vicodin I was taking, and it was no longer as effective at controlling the pain. We hesitated to go back down to Mexico because chemo and radiation can cause swelling. We were very thankful that there were no infections as well.<br /><br />I went into work on Monday a little bit, but other than that I spend my days trying to catch up on the sleep I lost at night. It is very disheartening. A typical night includes me going to bed at 9, rolling around til about 11. Getting up and either using a heat pad or icing the tumor. Maybe taking a hot bath. Four or 5 times a night crying out to God on the living room floor asking for some relief. Sounds like fun, huh?<br /><br />Today we went into Dr. Schock to get some more blood drawn so that Rubio can test it and see what he thinks. Schock upped my meds to Vicodin along with time-released Morphine. I had my first tablet today and I am still in lots of pain. My left leg is tingling quite a bit from the inflammation and it makes it hard to sleep.<br /><br />I try to play with my girls but even that is painful at times. They can't jump and climb on me like they used to. It is very difficult. Thankfully Katelyn has been wonderful at keeping my hopes up, but being in pain for that long is exhausting. We hope to hear good news from the blood culture in Mexico. We will probably get the results back on Monday. We will be getting another MRI in July to see what's going on.<br /><br />Please pray for supernatural grace, wisdom, and discernment as we battle this ugly disease. I am tired of what it is taking from me. Pray for hope and that God would clearly speak to us and manifest His presence each step of the way. Katelyn had a dream a while back that she was writing my temperature down and fighting fevers. She remembers that it was a big spiritual battle that was going on. Pray for us. We need it. We thank you all for your faithfulness and may God richly bless you in this life and the life to come! </span>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-892953285020250772010-06-15T16:00:00.001-05:002010-06-15T16:03:28.341-05:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGGJMbRbl_2ih1fx4TdAnm-3scUtB4WxmeSGZ6GCHy8gcKc5yuF8eV5w0BFy-jNkvEq57SqyDks64H7v_Gtm9yKOMwVeE5wtErOQrxYWApNJvDouJWZLyHExBM1sUHPEQgnrIqEVWivUNu/s1600/DSC_0100_005cnvrt.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 323px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483108855147479570" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGGJMbRbl_2ih1fx4TdAnm-3scUtB4WxmeSGZ6GCHy8gcKc5yuF8eV5w0BFy-jNkvEq57SqyDks64H7v_Gtm9yKOMwVeE5wtErOQrxYWApNJvDouJWZLyHExBM1sUHPEQgnrIqEVWivUNu/s400/DSC_0100_005cnvrt.JPG" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Tuesday, June 15, 2010 3:54 PM, CDT<br /><br /><br />We're back!<br /><br />We had an amazingly refreshing time in San Diego. Pretty sure Jordan's favorite part was the very superior mattress he got to sleep on. Yes, sleep! Praise the Lord! And mine was the highly superior toilet paper. :) It was so good to see my man re-energized. We frequented an organic market & deli, the beach, a few little seaside restaurants, & thoroughly enjoyed reading and relaxing at our hotel. We also were so blessed to go to church and worship and be renewed in the proclamation of the Word!<br /><br />We arrived home on Thursday night. Arawen was an amazing traveler, our flights were all on-time and our final stop before home was in Goodfield to reunite with Jaycee! She enjoyed her time with both sets of grandparents, but today she queried "Where am I?" when looking through our San Diego pictures. It's so completing to be all together again, and we're thankful to be getting back into a routine.<br /><br />Jordan's doing ok. He's not bouncing back like I think we both assumed he would. We wanted the quick fix. In this case, the 10-day fix. But, the disease is serious and healing takes time. However, we're more than willing to persevere in helping his body heal!<br /><br />His energy level is still fairly low, but he's not dragging himself around. He still feels what he calls "sensations" in his tumor site, but the painfulness is nearly nonexistent. He's struggling with some pain in his shoulder muscles, but the blame is on a horribly uncomfortable plane ride, not a mass of multiplying cells. He's also experiencing some fevers, but they break and depart quickly. We're counting our blessings and are so thankful for how much better he is doing!<br /><br />We've both had scriptures laid on our hearts to give this battle against cancer to the Lord. Jordan shared 2 Chronicles 20 with me yesterday. Great story! Amazing example of how God wins the battles and how non-dependent He is on us! You should read it. Maybe Jordan will feel so moved to expound upon it later.<br /><br />We're learning to release it to Him and let Jehovah set the ambush for us. Thanks for joining us in the fight, or rather, the surrender. :)<br /><br /><strong>...For the battle is the LORD's, and he will give you into our hands.</strong> -David to Goliath (1 Sam 17:47) </div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-20856407248870441112010-06-04T12:47:00.003-05:002010-06-04T13:05:01.232-05:00<div align="left"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh91fpNObJuUdYoWyeLhqIBh04NdZBycICpP-xOzeQMpgD_ETiWukfWvZNW-vK50MoueR8nPhxwyKlIPIJ2eV2JXKEsv-dzoIu_n6BI6jZjggQYcyeNl0nyrq9CTG0280Po3RqjbMHQ8ueb/s1600/DSC_0028+-+Copy.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 301px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478980437917086546" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh91fpNObJuUdYoWyeLhqIBh04NdZBycICpP-xOzeQMpgD_ETiWukfWvZNW-vK50MoueR8nPhxwyKlIPIJ2eV2JXKEsv-dzoIu_n6BI6jZjggQYcyeNl0nyrq9CTG0280Po3RqjbMHQ8ueb/s400/DSC_0028+-+Copy.JPG" /></a> <span style="font-size:85%;">Arawen saying "Cheese!" and playing with her daddy in our hospital room.</span><br /><span lang="EN"><br /><p></p><p>We talked with Dr. Rubio at length yesterday after the blood results came back and just wanted to update all of our pray-ers.<br /><br />The blood cultures did reveal some "abnormal cells." (This means cancer cells- it just doesn't sound as bad.) There is also a significant amount of inflammation and necrosis. Inflammation meaning swelling of body tissue mostly due to the biological warfare of good cells and bad cells. Necrosis meaning death; in Jordan's case a bunch of dead bad cells are still floating around in his body. Thankfully, it's mostly the bad (cancer) cells that are dying!<br /><br />On the whole, we were greatly encouraged, so Praise Jesus for His divine design of our immune system! Jordan's is still putting up a valiant fight.<br /><br />Why the pain? Yeah, I'm still struggling with this one. This was the first time Jordan's Mexico followups had been stretched out to 3 months. In order for the healing process to progress smoothly, the body needs a lot help in getting rid of the large amounts of cells that are being attacked and killed by the immune system. Detox. Detox. Detox. His treatment in Mexico includes a lot of detox (chelation, rife therapy, oxygen, etc.) We hit a speed bump. Besides the cleansing vegetable juices we were doing daily, he went the longest his body's been without heavy-duty detoxification. We have already discussed ways we can step up his home detox program which will allow his 'sewer system' to work efficiently and keep us on track to continue lengthening his checkups. Taking into consideration that Jordan's tumor site is uncomfortably close to major nerves, & all of the activity & build up going on right there, his body began protesting.<br /><br />Although Jordan's pain has drastically decreased since we arrived, his energy and appetite are nearly nonexistent and his body continues to defy sleep. He wrestles with stiffness & his pillow all night. He does sleep, he just doesn't sleep for very long at a time, waking nearly every hour.<br /><br />In classic Jordanian humor, when asked by another patient how he felt, my husband replied: "Oh... like I need a 6-day nap." Even at his worst, he's tossing out some chuckles. It's so hard to see him sapped of strength and to have his responsiveness chopped in half. But, he really is a champion! Never once have I had to fear he would give up. He has buoyed my spirits and pointed my gaze to eternity more times than I can count, and I'm not even the sick one. He has embraced the promises and actively pursued the good that we know God will bring from this. Last Thursday, after we got the MRI results back, he came home at lunchtime to be with me. One of the first things out of his mouth was something about how God was going to use this in our lives. He has truly surrendered to God's purification process and has become better, not bitter. It's been amazing and humbling to see Jesus so up-close in him. He is my best friend, my lover, and, next to the promise of eternity, my greatest earthly blessing!<br /><br />In the toilet paper aisle of life, I never would've chosen the scratchy, one-ply, nauseatingly scented Mexican brand with which I've been re-acquainted. Nope, I'm headed for the upper-class end of the aisle; 3-ply, quilted, UNscented, uber soft, practically a disposable egyptian cotton would be lovingly placed in my cart. Give me comfort, and give it to me all day, every day. But I don't get to pick. After all of my coaxing, protesting, and temper tantrums, God re-stocks the toilet paper, not I. He's the one on the throne, knows what's best, knows how much comfort I really can do without. I've slowly taken advantage of the grace to be thankful for the glory-factor of our circumstances. Not what I would've picked, but thankful to illuminate a little bit of His glory. I'm dwelling in a strange paradox: praying the suffering ends and rejoicing at being<b> counted worthy to suffer shame for his name. </b>(Acts 5:41) In the end, when all that really matters is God's magnificent glory, this promise blows my mind:<br /><b>the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.</b> (Rom 8:18) Be blessed!<br /></p><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></span></div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-79559365713823190222010-06-02T22:40:00.005-05:002010-06-02T22:54:43.106-05:00<div align="left"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrskLDgJkj7VI6pv0z13R9Bpn9dyXBaIvM00LBBD4htRb6tHxHoFWOMyOI3MJ-DM5xB-1y_2DzkycDSnQ5AuNagED9zSGeJ1uuyUru3ZUh-4_RHZ9zOke5Os4IJoxs2Br6jixwQLRXpwJI/s1600/DSC_0168.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 266px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478390369203072802" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrskLDgJkj7VI6pv0z13R9Bpn9dyXBaIvM00LBBD4htRb6tHxHoFWOMyOI3MJ-DM5xB-1y_2DzkycDSnQ5AuNagED9zSGeJ1uuyUru3ZUh-4_RHZ9zOke5Os4IJoxs2Br6jixwQLRXpwJI/s400/DSC_0168.JPG" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> Pic taken at Texas Roadhouse for Jaycee's 3rd birthday two days before we left.</span><span style="color:#6600cc;"><br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;">Well, we made it to Mexico safely. I was in quite a bit of pain for the first flight to Chicago because I wanted to wait for the longer flight to take my medication. When we got to Chicago I popped some Vicodin & that helped a little bit. There was a very nice Indian man that gave up his aisle seat for a middle one so we could have all three seats to ourselves. What a blessing! We were able to lay Arawen down on the floor and then I could stretch out by lying on Katelyn's lap.<br /><br />Dr. Rubio Jr. looked at my scans and talked with us on Monday afternoon. He believes that the fingers affecting the nerves in my spine which are only about 1cm long could be due to inflammation and necrosis. We will not know for sure if it's new cancer growth 'til tomorrow when my blood cultures come back. I will be getting 6 rounds of radiation and 4 bags. The last 2 days of treatment will be cleansing my body to diminish the side effects of the radiation.<br /><br />Katelyn and Arawen are doing great. I'm so happy to have them here. It's so fun to watch Arawen lift everyone's spirits. She's learning so many new words and makes us laugh all the time. Katelyn's been there for me every step of the way and she is such a wonderful wife.<br /><br />Last night we had a special time of laughing, crying, remembering, and joking around. We talked about how amazing it is to have a faithful God through all of this. We talked about being so thankful to have my wife and daughters that mean the world to me. These past couple of weeks, Jaycee would just randomly come up to me and give me kisses on the cheek and lips. Everyday when I get home, I'm bombarded with 2 screaming, running girls. What a welcome! I'm so thankful to have 3 girls that love me so much. I want to take the time to treasure what’s really important in my life. Over 2 years ago I had a brother with the gift of prophecy pray over me. He prophesied that there would be a turning, something that seemed bad, but that God was going to use to bring Himself glory and fulfill His purposes for me. Now that word that he gave is starting to make sense. We strengthened each other with God's promises. Everywhere we go in the Word confirms to us that we are going to get through this. We've been reading through Acts and have been so inspired by the power of the Holy Spirit in that book. I love how Paul is so bold and faithful when he says that no matter what trials will come, he will press through without fear because of the Holy Spirit. We talked about the dream my dad had about my scans coming back clear. This has encouraged me so much because he doesn’t usually remember his dreams. It was great to reflect on the past few years.<br /><br />We are planning on getting away for the weekend in San Diego. We rented a car and Pricelined a hotel for really cheap. Pray that it will be a good time of relaxing and refreshing.<br />We thank you for all your prayers. Please pray for good rest. I think it’s been over 2 weeks since I slept through the night. Not sleeping at night affects my energy levels and appetite. I just want to sleep soundly like I used to. Pray that God would grant that request. </span></div>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-54229253423800804932010-05-27T22:39:00.000-05:002010-05-27T22:40:03.209-05:00Thursday, May 27, 2010 9:47 PM, CDTHello brand new computer & internet provider, you two were out of my life for over a month thanks to two little girls who cooperated together to prove that computers can be banged to death. However, my forced separation from you was truly purging and priority-realigning for me. So, hello again, you are a blessing in moderation.<br /><br />Hello brand new house that we are so thankful for! The longer I'm here, the more I like you! What a praise of divine intervention and provision.<br /><br />Hello "How do I fix this and how much does it cost?" mindset. Goodbye "Where's my phone so I can call maintenance?" mindset.<br /><br />Hello countertop space!<br /><br />Hello laundry room!<br /><br />Hello wonderful amazing backyard!<br /><br />Hello yardwork.<br /><br />Hello summer! How did we survive without you for so long? What did we do all day inside?? We are all so happy to see you!<br /><br />Hello cancer, you are most unwelcome in our season of 'new'.<br /><br />Hello opportunity to glorify God and point others to Jesus. I am trying to rejoice at your appearance.<br /><br /><br /><br />Jordan began feeling discomfort about two weeks ago. The pain continued to increase, but a couple times at the driving range and a golf tournament on Monday were suspected of having irritated his tumor site. It became so bad, and he was so sleep deprived from painful nights that he went to the doctor yesterday. They were able to get him in for an MRI in the afternoon. He called me this morning letting me know that the doctor had called with the results and the tumor has begun to grow and has two small new nodules that are invading his spine. These are most likely causing the intense pain.<br /><br />We spoke with our doctors in Mexico. Jordan, Arawen, and myself have plane tickets for Monday, the 31st with a return date of June 10th. The seriousness of this hit home when we were told they wanted us for at least a week. After further details were given and a rough draft of the treatment plan discussed, we decided on a 10-day trip.<br /><br />We have gratefully received healing prayer and the Truth of God's word spoken into our lives already. However, everybody that reads this knows that I write as a plea for more prayer. I hesitate to give medical details because they can suck the faith out of our prayers if we dwell on them. Please pray believing that God is bigger than a horribly invasive, tenacious, and hateful disease! We believe that He is; we've seen and testify to how much bigger God is than cancer. We will continue to lift up the name of Jehovah-Rapha (The God who Heals) and we will keep all of you updated.<br />To Him be the glory!the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-26202256809121889042010-03-28T23:49:00.002-05:002010-03-29T00:00:39.647-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipoTTA2eFT8J_ljgGfCEL4f5q7SMM-PSY_Eph8cr2qBuwwdENyJDxJdeiHambSuOFVf6rg5omKFXk4GksKAKmQtBR8cnfD9c65lHluYoGdC8R8JP4VPBupUKh6l1Bte310BravhDRr8NFU/s1600/2007+028.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipoTTA2eFT8J_ljgGfCEL4f5q7SMM-PSY_Eph8cr2qBuwwdENyJDxJdeiHambSuOFVf6rg5omKFXk4GksKAKmQtBR8cnfD9c65lHluYoGdC8R8JP4VPBupUKh6l1Bte310BravhDRr8NFU/s400/2007+028.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5453913535962092242" border="0" /></a><span mce_style="font-size: x-small;" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="mceItemHidden">I selected this photo because <span class="mceItemHiddenSpellWord">it's</span> one of my favorites and lately, I've been reminded of how thankful I am that my girls have a daddy!</span></span> <span style="font-size:78%;">This is one of his very first daddy-daughter moments ever minutes after Jaycee was born.</span><br /><br /><span class="mceItemHidden">We are all doing well! Jordan's followup to Mexico the second week of March came back with good reports. He got his next followup extended; he won't have to returntil June! Wonderful news! Wonderful Lord! </span><br /><br />God is abundantly blessing Jordan's work at his new job and we are so thankful to a creative, orchestrative God who does all things well and in perfect timing. We're also still on the house hunt here in Peoria, hoping to get one soon.<br /><br />The next section of this post is something that was written a while ago. I wrote it the day we got the report from his most recent CAT scan revealing that his lungs were now completely clear. I sat down in awe and thankfulness with my Jesus and about a fourth of the way into my journal entry, the beginnings of thought crept up: I wasn't supposed to keep this private. The Spirit was nudging me to eventually post what was coming from my heart to the page. The delay is due to letting Jordan read it, praying about it, a lot of procrastination, and some insecurities on my part.<br /><br />Please know that this is a snapshot of a very tender, vulnerable, uninhibited, awe-struck moment with my Father. I'm letting you in on it because I've been given the grace to obey. The scripture is Psalm 63. This is verbatim:<br /><i><br /><span mce_style="font-size: medium;" style="font-size: medium;"><br />To My Awesome Abba</span><br /><b><br /><span mce_style="font-size: small;" style="font-size: small;">I have looked upon You in the sanctuary, beholding Your power and glory</span></b><br /><span class="mceItemHidden">-at <span class="mceItemHiddenSpellWord">Bethel</span> when we praised You til we were worn out</span><br />-at BethelValpo when Jaycee & I went to the front and danced before You<br />-at Washington when dad glorified Your name with his full-of-faith sermon<br /><span class="mceItemHidden">-at <span class="mceItemHiddenSpellWord">Northwoods</span> when You imparted miraculous joy & hope & a vision of how You delight in overturning Satan's plans</span><br />-at RockChurch where we praised You in the storm & were fed Your Word<br /><b>Because Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise You</b><br />Your steadfast love is even better than Jordan's life & I give him to You<br /><b>So I will bless You as long as I live; in Your name I will lift up my hands</b><br />You are giving us boldness in our miraculous story & against-the-grain praise<br /><b><span class="mceItemHidden">My soul shall be satisfied as with fat and rich foods, and my mouth will praise You with joyful lips when I <span class="mceItemHiddenSpellWord">rmember</span> you upon my bed and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for You have been my help</span></b><br />So many sleepless nights, Father. Give me a passion to meditate on you with joyful lips!<br /><b>In the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy</b><br /><span class="mceItemHidden">I am so elated right now & full of delight in You! Thank You for the miraculous test results we got back just now! "TOTAL RESOLUTION" as per the pathologist :) I am in awe of You & overwhelmed with Your <span class="mceItemHiddenSpellWord">lovingkindness</span>, endless grace & incredible outpouring of blessing! I love You Father! Thank You, Thank You, Thank you!</span><br /><b>My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me</b><br />You have taught me this even when it feels like I'm not learning. It truly is all about You. About no one -no thing -no organization -no presumptuous man-made idea -just You! I'm holding on tight.<br /><b><span class="mceItemHidden">But those who seek to destroy my life</span></b><br />Satan, his demons, my flesh, cancer<br /><b>Shall all go down into the depths of the earth!</b><br /><span class="mceItemHidden"><span class="mceItemHiddenSpellWord">Yay</span> God! You make us triumph over our enemies!</span><br /><b>They shall be given over to the power of the sword; they shall be a portion for jackals!</b><br />Oh yeah! Thank You Jesus; this is because of You & Your work of redemption on the cross. Without You, we'd be dead.<br /><b>But the King shall rejoice in God</b><br /><span class="mceItemHidden">David wrote this when he was king. As I re-write this in my journal i say: Katelyn will rejoice in God. Right now, I feel like it. But when I don't, I </span><u>WILL</u> rejoice in God.<br /><b>All who swear by Him shall exult, for the mouths of liars will be stopped</b><br /><span class="mceItemHidden">like the people that said "incurable, & 6-24 months!" God is truth & right now God is saying: "I still have more for you" HALLELUJAH!</span><br /><b>O God, You are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh faints for You; as in a dry & weary land where there is no water.</b><br />This is at the end because after going through verses 2 through 11, You have made verse 1 true for me. You did it, are doing it, & I now believe less in myself & more in You.<br />You alone I praise & worship & thank & give all the Glory. JESUS! I shout Your name!</i>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5653818290937421614.post-48200066635852194002010-02-23T22:59:00.001-06:002010-02-23T22:59:58.219-06:00<p class="uc-subheading"> Thursday, February 18, 2010 9:24 PM, CST </p> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">Well, it's been a few weeks since we've updated so I thought I would bring things up to date. Katelyn just picked up a copy of the medical reports from my MRI and CT scan. I love reading through the report from the CT scan. There is no pulmonary nodule. There is no infiltrate.<wbr><span class="wbr"></span> There is no pleural effusion. There is no mediastinal adenopathy.<wbr><span class="wbr"></span> There is no pericardial effusion or pleural effusion. Impression: Complete resolution of the nodules in the lungs! I don't really understand most of it, but the last sentence tells me all I need to know. <br /><br />Before we went down to Mexico the first time we went down to St. Louis to Barnes Jewish Hospital. We met with three specialists and the last one was a cardiothora<wbr><span class="wbr"></span>cic surgeon. When he looked at the cd of my medical records he counted at least 16 spots on each lung. And now, a complete resolution of the nodules in the lungs. What an amazing miracle!<br /><br />Eac<wbr><span class="wbr"></span>h time I think about it I just thank God. I command the rest of the cancer in my pelvis to leave my body. God has given us authority and I want to be faithful to what He has given. Jesus told his disciples that it was needful for him to go because he could then send the Holy Spirit. He also said that the same works that He did we shall do, and greater works than these. That is so exciting to me. <br /><br />Corinthians tells us we are new creatures, ambassadors for Christ, and ministers of reconciliat<wbr><span class="wbr"></span>ion. Ephesians tells us we are joint heirs with Christ, blessed with all spiritual blessings, and seated in heavenly places with Christ. What an amazing identity and authority he has given us. We are not to trust in man's wisdom, but in the power of God. I am learning that the Holy Spirit was not just sent to convict of our sin, but to quicken us as HE quickened Christ. To guide us into all truth, to help us, to comfort us, to bring all things to remembrance.<wbr><span class="wbr"></span> I want the Holy Spirit to be the ruler of my heart.<br /><br />A verse I think of often is John 3:8, the wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you don't know where it comes from or where it is going. So is every one that is born of the Spirit. A life in the Spirit is unpredictab<wbr><span class="wbr"></span>le and exciting. Life in the Spirit is full of joy. If we are attentive to Him he will probably ask us to get out of our comfort zone, but that is where we find God a lot of times. If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat. I pray that we all would get out of the boat and learn to live life in the Spirit.<br /><br />My new job is going well. I have some great co-workers and the transition has been pretty smooth. I still have a lot to learn but I am so thankful for the opportunity.<wbr><span class="wbr"></span> It's nice only having a 15 minute drive to and from work. Thank you Jesus for the new job.<br /><br />Katelyn and I have been asked to speak on different occasions. We could use your prayers that God would continue to use our situation to glorify His name and draw people to Himself. Thanks for your prayers.<br /><br />I am scheduled to go back to Mexico the middle of March for a few days. I have been a little under the weather with a sore throat and a cough, but I think I am through the worst of it. Other than that I have been feeling pretty well. I want to continue to fight what's left in my pelvis so I can be completely cancer-free.<wbr><span class="wbr"></span> Please join me in prayer. May God richly bless all of you for your faithful intercessio<wbr><span class="wbr"></span>n. </span>the schroshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07193433420100293506noreply@blogger.com1