So, things that did not happen... at all.
We did not ride an elevator as a family, exit the elevator, and then turn around to see the elevator doors already closed & an uncertain wail coming from behind them. At least our younger daughter (in the stroller) made it out.
In the same spirit, I did not walk into a store ahead of Jaycee, begin to grab a cart, and look back just in time to see the automatic doors slam into her bewildered-looking face. At least Arawen was safely in the cart. Also, a 2-year-old's body is enough mass to make automatic swinging doors open back up again. Just so you know. NOT because I would know anything about it.
We did not enter a restaurant, the door did not close behind us, and yep, you guessed it, Jaycee was NOT staring at us through the glass on the other side. Hey, Arawen made it. All 3 of these incidences did not occur within the span of 2 weeks.
I did not only 'let' but invited & prepared the opportunity for my child to 'wash dishes' in the kitchen by herself. I did not have full & complete knowledge that this most certainly would end in a huge wet (but clean) mess. This did not keep her very delightedly occupied for a long time. That was NOT my intent.
While at Panera (this time Jaycee made it into the building), Arawen was not placed on her back on the (very slippery) leather bench we were sitting on. She also did not squirm herself right off said bench onto the floor & under the table. This of course did not happen because she was lying right next to me. She did not cry profusely. When I went to dive after her, my shoulders did not get wedged between the table & the leather bench. I, therefore, did not find myself in a very awkward position, bent over, butt kind of sideways & up, comforting my baby under the table, only able to lift her about 12 inches off the floor. Jordan was not very bewildered at why I couldn't just end all of the embarrassment & surface with my quieted child. He did not eventually have to bend over & under on the opposite side of the table & take her from me. At this point, both of our butts were not facing directly towards everybody else in the restaurant. I did not consciously avoid making any sort of eye contact with all other patrons from then on, because of course, NONE of this happened. Nope. That was not me!
There were other things that I recall not happening... diaperless children...making dessert on the floor...trying very hard to convince myself that crying children go back to sleep on their own...forgetting coats at church.... but all of that cannot be expounded on right now. It is high time to be off the computer, considering that Jaycee did not use her stacking toys (the kind with HOLES in the bottom) as cups...for milk, try to feed her little sister raisins, and Arawen did NOT just puke all over me.