Thursday, October 1, 2009

We made it home safely. The trip was uneventful and exhausting. We were so ready to get back to our little girl! It was overwhelming to get to see her at the airport and hold her again. Their were tears of joy and thankfulness and relief. For the sister's reunion though, there was just giggles. It was the cutest thing ever.

Jordan went back to work yesterday with doctor's orders to not overdo it. Overall, he feels really well, just a little lower energy, some fatigue, and occasionally some slight nausea. We're learning the ropes of his treatment regimen he is supposed to follow at home. I was taught at the hospital how to administer his injections he receives four times a week. He has a pill organizer very full of medications. Mostly, it's natural supplements that build up the immune system and contain cancer-fighting substances.

The recovery from cancer also requires a significant diet change. Much more fresh, raw, and natural. Less meat and dairy. And very limited sugar, processed, and refined. We're easing into it, as it gets a little overwhelming to try to switch abruptly. We keep reminding ourselves that Jordan has much more to live for than the food he's been living off of up til now. Pray for wisdom, perseverance, and creativity as we pursue these changes. We're going to need it.

As far as "getting back to normal" goes, we're not.

I feel all strteched, strung, and wrung out. But at the same time, totally sustained. We're back to the same people, places, and things, but we're different. Inarguably, irrevocably, searingly different. I don't know how all the pices fit back together. I do know that unto whom much is given, of him shall be much required. We've been abundantly blessed, we've had prayers miraculously answered. I get to live my life (albeit fragile & unpredictable) with the love of my life. Jordan gets to train his girls up, teach them all the things he thought, just two months ago, was slipping from his reality. Jaycee and Arawen get to keep their daddy. We are painfully aware of this huge blessing. We prayed for a miracle, knowing that with it would come great responsibility.

I remember the weekend we found out Jordan's cancer was way worse than originally thought. Some dear friends invited us out to their lake on a beautiful summer day. A lady there asked me if I was just looking for some normalcy. I quietly answered in the affirmative. It was the expected answer and I was far from being conversive. But as I stood there swinging Jaycee in the baby swing with my roving thoughts, I knew it wasn't true. I wasn't looking for "normal." After Jesus redeemed me, I had never sought after "normal." The prayers I prayed, the desires I had, the gifts I'd been given, the God I served; all of that was far from normal. I never wanted normal. I wanted Amazing. I wanted Supernatural.

For the last three years of our marriage, Jordan and I have been praying that no matter where God sent us or what we did, He would receive all the glory from our lives. We prayed that with something like going to Mexico in mind. But we prayed it consistently. Maybe it took three years of seeking direction, and wondering what we were supposed to do for us to really mean it. Because, when we got plummeted into the missionfield "Cancer," God's glory remained our desire.

To God be the glory for the remarkable u-turn in Jordan's health. He did this and no one else. Our awesome, all-powerful, un-normal God. He not only worked a miracle in Jordan's body, He purified us, He taught us how to pray, He is still using this in our lives in some very formative ways.
It's Amazing.
It's Supernatural.
It's what I've always wanted.
How ironic.
Actually, maybe the better way to put is how unexpected.

God answered our prayers in an entirely out-of-the-box kind of way. It's not what we would have chosen. Going to a Mexican orphange would have been selected far and above the Mexican hospital. (Again, Mexican orphange or hospital- irony, or divine creativity?) In a way though, it is what we chose. God gets all the glory. And, that's what we wanted when we started our marriage with "extraordinary" in mind.

But what about now? To be real honest, this scattered and stretched feeling isn't all that pleasant. I feel a little lost. I feel like I'm still trying to figure out what happened. Where does fulfilling this huge responsibility come into play? What if I do get "back to normal" and I miss the whole point?

Quite obviously, we're still in need of the Body of Christ and the power of your prayers. We also would ask for prayers for an upcoming high school event at which we've been asked to speak. We've accepted. What we're actually going to say is still in question.