Not Me! -Summer edition

Wow! It's July 6th! And since the last time I posted many things did not happen that are very noteworthy and also chuckleworthy that I would like to tell you about. But I did not forget all of those things and so I am not trying desperately to remember anything funny from the last 3 months that I can share with you. I am not trying to do this simply because I love the new "Not Me" logo...

I did not get all the way through the check out lane and loaded back into the cart at WalMart with all of my prospective purchases and then realize that my wallet was at home. No, no, no- that was not me- because I might be in denial about how many previous times this has happened.
This does not happen on a semi-regular basis.
I also did not let my child lick peanut butter off of the table knife before, during, and after making PBJs. Sticking even un-sharp knives in children's mouths is not exemplary, therefore I do not do this-
on a regular basis.
My child was not found out on the balcony fully to partially naked riding her scooter, eating her lunch, shooting the squirt gun, or just yelling "HI" to everyone who happnes by. I am a mother who believes in decency and therefore I do not let, endorse, or encourage this behavior-
on a regular basis. No, Not Me!
I am not loving summer simply because it's warm, the pool is close, and the exceedingly delightful discovery that swim diapers can be rinsed, rung out, and reused. I do not pull off, rinse off, ring out, and put back on my delicate-skinned babies chlorine and urine soaked swim diapers!
No, especially not as the usual course of action! Not me.
Finally, I am not totally procrastinating absolutely all of my household chores as I write. This absolutely never happens on a semi-regular, regular, or dare I write-
daily basis. Nope. That is not me! Definitely not.

So, what aren't your habits?

And just for fun- some photo love- nevermind- it is NOT I who can never quite figure out how to upload pics to Blogger without wasting a bunch of time. ARgh! Not Me!

Not Me! Monday

So, things that did not happen... at all.

We did not ride an elevator as a family, exit the elevator, and then turn around to see the elevator doors already closed & an uncertain wail coming from behind them. At least our younger daughter (in the stroller) made it out.
In the same spirit, I did not walk into a store ahead of Jaycee, begin to grab a cart, and look back just in time to see the automatic doors slam into her bewildered-looking face. At least Arawen was safely in the cart. Also, a 2-year-old's body is enough mass to make automatic swinging doors open back up again. Just so you know. NOT because I would know anything about it.
We did not enter a restaurant, the door did not close behind us, and yep, you guessed it, Jaycee was NOT staring at us through the glass on the other side. Hey, Arawen made it. All 3 of these incidences did not occur within the span of 2 weeks.

I did not only 'let' but invited & prepared the opportunity for my child to 'wash dishes' in the kitchen by herself. I did not have full & complete knowledge that this most certainly would end in a huge wet (but clean) mess. This did not keep her very delightedly occupied for a long time. That was NOT my intent.

While at Panera (this time Jaycee made it into the building), Arawen was not placed on her back on the (very slippery) leather bench we were sitting on. She also did not squirm herself right off said bench onto the floor & under the table. This of course did not happen because she was lying right next to me. She did not cry profusely. When I went to dive after her, my shoulders did not get wedged between the table & the leather bench. I, therefore, did not find myself in a very awkward position, bent over, butt kind of sideways & up, comforting my baby under the table, only able to lift her about 12 inches off the floor. Jordan was not very bewildered at why I couldn't just end all of the embarrassment & surface with my quieted child. He did not eventually have to bend over & under on the opposite side of the table & take her from me. At this point, both of our butts were not facing directly towards everybody else in the restaurant. I did not consciously avoid making any sort of eye contact with all other patrons from then on, because of course, NONE of this happened. Nope. That was not me!

There were other things that I recall not happening... diaperless children...making dessert on the floor...trying very hard to convince myself that crying children go back to sleep on their own...forgetting coats at church.... but all of that cannot be expounded on right now. It is high time to be off the computer, considering that Jaycee did not use her stacking toys (the kind with HOLES in the bottom) as cups...for milk, try to feed her little sister raisins, and Arawen did NOT just puke all over me.

"Not Me" Monday

For all of those who are about to read this post- before you do, please pray for MckMama's baby Stellan. His 5-month old heart is failing.

Monday! This is becoming my favorite day of the week. I get to remind myself of what a good mom I am & revel in this upcoming week that hasn't yet been harried, dirtied, disheveled, clumsied, or generally lived in. Yet. On the other hand, LAST week, well, that week got lived in & many things did not happen.

I did not call my brother and ask him where he was only to hear my husband's voice telling me he was right next to me. That was not me.

My daughter did not wake up in the 8:30-9 a.m. range every single day this week except the morning after I had irresponsibly stayed up 'til midnight. I did NOT drag myself out of bed, put a bowl of grapes & a granola bar in the living room & then go back to bed. Um, yeah, whoever that groggy-eyed zombie was, it certainly wasn't me!

Throughout the week, my nearly-two-year-old-rapidly-vocabulary-expanding daughter did not refer to me as "Babe." She did protest impatiently "Babe! Babe!" when I wasn't paying attention to her (which never happens). She did not call expectantly to me from the bathroom when she was done "BA-ABE!" I did not find myself yelling back: "I AM YOUR MOM! YOU CAN CALL ME 'MOMMY'!"

I did not throw all of the couch cusions onto the floor for an indoor jungle gym for Jaycee to play on. Jaycee was not half dressed. It was not super fun & I did not take a video of it. While videoing, I did not ask her what was on her bottom because I wanted her to talk about 'wonder' (underwear). She did not proceed to go through the rest of her bathroom vocabulary & I was not trying to keep my heaving laughter quiet so it wouldn't ruin the video.

I did not find myself explaining to my husband the difference between 'clean' & neat' when he came home from work one day & the house was a wreck but all of my carpet & furniture (including the cushions laid out on the floor) had been cleaned with a carpet cleaner. I am not very grateful to my good friend Jackie for letting me borrow it. After 3 days of going over every room in our apartment, I do not hope to be a proud owner of that thing one day! It also did not do wonders to a certain ketchup stain that did NOT happen.

I positively, absolutely did not become so engrossed in a radio program & my task of slicing oranges that I failed to notice my daughter trying to crawl up the front her highchair. She had not already placed her bowl of scrambled eggs & ketchup on the tray. The result was NOT a crying child with a highchair on top of her in the middle of a huge eggs & ketchup mess. I was not just 3 feet away! AND, I did NOT proceed to scrape up the eggs & put them back in Jaycee's bowl! AND I did not take pictures while she tearfully explained to me "faaaall." And there is most certainly NOT incriminating evidence against me!

We did not get to go see 2 babies yesterday. I did not forget to bring fresh batteries. Who does that when there are adorable, beautiful, gorgeous brand new babies to photograph? Not me! I did not have to take pictures with my phone and/or borrow some batteries so I could capture these awesome shots. I am NOT super excited to feature on my blog:

Adelai Aever Guingrich

(She & Arawen are 3 months apart & they are already best friends. They don't have a choice because I am NOT the kind of mom that picks her children's friends for them.)

The other amazing miracle we went to see AND I am not an incredibly proud aunt to is:

Jonah Ray Getz
I am NOT biased & I do not love this picture. This is not Arawen's favorite cousin because I am also not the kind of mom that chooses favorite cousins for her children. There also is NO reason that the babies featured here are photographed with my children. I do NOT think that a picture of a baby is awesome, but a picture of a baby & one of my children pretty much doubles the cuteness. I am NOT proud like that, and as said before, I am not biased. There is also no reason that only Jordan's arms made it into these photographs. That was NOT on purpose.

MckMama, the originator of "Not Me!" Monday has a very sick baby in the hospital right now with a racing heart beat. You don't have to go over there & read her blog, just say a quick prayer lifting baby Stellan & his family up to a God who heals.

Feel free to enjoy the "Not Me!" below & have a blessed week.

Not Me! Monday

Ahh... Monday! I just love this brand new hassel-free week looming before me. Last week, on the other hand, the one I've already lived through, yeah that one... that one had a lot of things that did not happen in it. (But, I am in good company.)

First & foremost; at this present moment, I do not have an open wound on the inside of my lip. It most certainly did not come from leaving the toothbrush in my mouth while reaching up to do my hair which led to my hand shanking the toothbrush into my lip which got a hole in it from my very sharp tooth. Secondly, I absolutely do not have an identical open wound right next to the other one! I did not inflict this wound upon myself in THE EXACT SAME MANNER! This FOR SURE did not happen THE VERY NEXT DAY! This did NOT happen because I would not tell such humiliating stories on my very own blog. Nope. Not me!

While at Cold Stone buying a gift card, I did not ask the check out lady for a gummy bear for my daughter because there was a tub of them right next to the register. I also did not make sure I asked her for this tiny piece of free merchandise AFTER I had already paid and had my credit card safely back in my wallet just so she wouldn't try to charge me. Who thinks of that!? Not me! I was not very confused when she walked all the way down the counter to the OTHER tub of gummy bears & came back with an ice cream dish mounded with those tiny pieces of free merchandise. I also most certainly did not thank her profusely & hand all of them to Jaycee. Jaycee did not devour all of the gummy bears that I did not feed her in her carseat (minus 3 which she did not sweetly hand up to me) in about 5 minutes.

I did not get stopped in the parking lot of the grocery store by a nice man wondering if I was Katelyn Schroeder because he had just given the service desk a credit card with that name on it. No. Not me!
I did not lock the keys in my car after church on Wednesday night. No way. Not me!
I did not get all loaded up & over to Sam's Club with the express purpose of printing out pictures there & discover that the CD of prints was still in my computer. It also did not follow that my recently retrieved CD did not work & we came home from 2 trips to Sam's utterly defeated. Nope. Not me!

I did not put too-small shoes on my child knowing full well that her heels were already red from them just to keep her happy. That would be giving in to the demands of a toddler & I do not do that. No, no, definitely not me! The next time we went out, I did not put too-large shoes on my child knowing full well that she might have a little harder time walking in them. I also did not laugh out loud at her when she had to stop & stand with her legs wobbling back & forth while her toes were in, but her heels were out. The look on her face was not absolutely hilarious & the way she confusedly looked up at me and said "shoes? shoes?" did not make me about lose it. That would be laughing at my child's struggles & I do not do that. Absolutely Not Me!

So, what did you NOT do last week?

Profoundly Seth

Profoundly Seth is one of the blogs I stalk. It really has touched me & spoken into my life as a mom in a lot of ways. This amazing Christ-centered family is raising money for their deaf son's surgery to receive cochlear implants via an organization called "Rhyan's Hope" so that he will be able to hear. They are also raising money for an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" which offers captured memories to families whose newborns die. Their son before Seth died tragically right before he was born for reasons still unknown. Their fundraiser is called "Profound Pictures" because they will also be giving away a camera package. The day it ends would have been his second birthday. I would like to use up a tiny little space on my blog (not read my many, I know, but still) to get the word out about this family.

Have a great day everybody, I may be back for another "Not Me! Monday"

Not Me Monday

This is a blog carnival I am participating in because it's fun. Here, on Mondays we get to divulge all of the things we did not do in the past week. We rejoice in our clean slate & the brand new mistake-less week ahead of us & get to entertain our blog readers. Head on over to MckMama's site for some more UNconfessions.

I did not spend an inordinate amount of time last week looking for Arawen's one and only pacifier. I am not a one-pacifier mom because my child's attachment to that little plug is growing & I would not risk the hours of distress this could cause her if I happened to not be able to find it. I did not, knowing full well the growing attachment, totally procrastinate going to Target & buying more. Target is definitely NOT just 2 miles from my house.

I did not let Jaycee get into 3 decks of cards at once. Our floor was not covered in playing cards after she was done. This most certainly did not happen almost every day this past week with my full knowledge. It also is NOT happening right now, as I type my "Not Me Monday."

I did not get out to run errands with my 2 girls in tow for the first time since Arawen was born. Arawen is definitely not 10 weeks old today. The errands I ran did NOT take me all day and I did NOT forget to bring A's one-and-only pacifier! I did not feed Jaycee solely granola bars and a free cookie from Schnucks for lunch that day. Jaycee did not drop said cookie on the ground. While we were getting everything together, out of the van, and into a cart, a fellow shopper did not sit in the parking lot waiting for us to get out of the adjacent parking space. I did NOT stand there & wait for her to park, watching to make sure she didn't run over the cookie. I also most certainly did NOT wait for her to get out & walk into the store, look surreptitiously around, & proceed to quickly pick up the cookie, blow it off & give it back to Jaycee!!! THAT would be gross.

At our last stop to Target, I did not discover that, although visiting public restrooms is one of J's favorite things to do, she had pooped her pants. I did not, after like a second of deliberation, decide she could live with it. We did NOT spend our whole Target trip with a putrid aroma hanging over us. THAT also would be gross.

While giving Jaycee a bath, I did not leave her there to play with the bathroom door open so I could still hear her. After playing for a little bit, my child did not get herself out of the tub & walk up to me dripping wet with blood pouring from her finger. When I ran over and asked what had happened, she did not stare at me sweetly & repeat perfectly, "Happen." I did NOT discover to my horror that I had left my razor within her reach!! I absolutely, positively did NOT promptly receive the "Worst Mom of the Year" award!!! Jaycee did not walk around proudly displaying her bandaid without so much as a whimper. I am not kind of afraid at how hard we are going to have to discipline a child with such a high pain tolerance.

Well, this has not been super fun, & maybe even slightly therapeutic for me. I did not read over this and laugh really hard. I also did not update my blog last week just so I could do this today. I am not done already.