Thursday, April 17, 2008

Where is God when it hurts?

We just heard a sermon on Job. It was riveting, to the point, and it didn't answer the problem-of-evil questions in my mind. But it didn't claim to, in fact, he said that God made it that way- unfathomable and confusing to our finite minds, in part because He loves it when we come to him with our wrestling, our out-pourings, and yes, God's big enough to handle our "why God?" questions. (Just be careful of demanding His answers; you don't want to be in the position of receiving a terrifying, four-chapter lecture from the Almighty. Job 38-41)

One of the things we have always, always prayed for in our children was good health, from before she was born, we've entreated God for a healthy baby. Jaycee had a follow-up appointment at her doctor's last week and she was weighed (naked) three times on two different scales because they thought for sure there was some mistake. She had lost 10 ounces over the past 6 weeks. She is now not even on those stupid growth curve/percentile charts. Going from the 70th to the 30th, I kept thinking- it's normal to not be 'normal'. What's normal anyways? how can they expect my child to be at the 50th mark when only half of the other kids in the world are? I'm not going to let some un-individualized curved pink line stress me out. But when we didn't even make it on that curved pink line, I experienced several emotions, somewhat unfamiliar to me as a new mom and none of them allowed me to think 'it'll be okay'. This is not okay. I recalled all the times others had picked her up and commented on how light she was, of how even Jordan and I had noticed, and how her jeans were fitting a little loosely. Her follow-up was for her respiratory problems- she has difficulty breathing through her nose, and it's only seemed to get worse recently. She had been on an antihistamine to clear up any problems in case of allergies, but had 'failed' it. She also has super-enlarged tonsils and fluid behind her ear drums which makes her pediatrician think that she may have problems with her adenoid and thyroid glands. We got referred to an ear/nose/throat specialist in Peoria and are currently waiting to get in. She also got switched to another antihistamine just to cover all the bases before we go see the specialist. She will go in for a weight check next week and if she hasn't gained will go to the children's hospital for a blood work-up to check for blood complications. Your prayers are welcome.

Also, with my grandpa just being diagnosed with a disease that is both debilitating and fatal, (see my cousin's blog for details) the pain in our family is fresh. He hasn't been feeling well for quite some time and now it looks like he may not have too much longer to be here with us. It's just painful! full of pain. it's hard to watch my family respond in their pain, it's difficult to see him wan and tired and unable to get up. Again, thanks for your prayers.

I don't know the "Why does God do what He does?" but I do know that God is.
Matt 28:20 "and lo, I am with you always." -Jesus
So where is God when it hurts? He's here. listening to our heart cries. And through all the bad news, and 'could-be's and 'what-if's, He shows up- more than that, He delights in showing up! In the sermon it was made clear that the problem is with my perspective, the illustration was given of a stage, where everything that was going on was visible, and then there's another stage, up on the roof of the church, nobody can see what's going on up there- but it's there- the divine drama. And what's going on up there is directly affecting the stage down where we can see. So my perspective is warped, it's incomplete and myopic and limited. Therefore I can't know the 'why's and 'why not's. But I do see the rays of awesome intervention and goodness and blessing coming down from that heavenly stage. The "Praise Gods", which are everywhere once I get my self-pity glasses off.
Praise God that Jaycee has wonderful brain development and is learning to walk. Praise God for financial provision and the peace He's giving Jordan and I through everything. Praise God for the life-change in Papa and the hope he now has for his "new beginning". Praise God for Papa's great-grandson who is growing in Kirsten's womb. Praise God for the break through in stem cell transplantation and the bankable cord blood of this baby that could help his great-grandpa be cured. Praise God for the daily answers to prayers in all the little things. Praise God for the throne of grace where we can run to in time of need for grace and mercy. (Heb 4:16) Praise God for His listening ear and His sovereignty and His goodness!

May we all pray for the faith of Job who, after being dealt the unfathomable blow of everything he owned and all his children being taken from him...
"Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, and said 'Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord'" Job 1:20-21
P.S. I look forward to posting more answers to prayer!


Kirsten said...

We will be praying for Jaycee!!! I really got a lot out of this post, I have been struggling with actual scripture related to "why God" and struggling with some doubt, this was really encouraging!
Love you all!

Jeff and Abby said...

So glad to hear about your blog! I love it! Hey- it's scary when things aren't quite as "normal" as you'de like. Especially when it's your child they're talking about. It sure seems as though you guys are doing what you're supposed to be doing- having faith that our God is in control and that He is constantly watching over little Jacy. She's such a doll! Looking forward to reading your blog! Ok if I add you to my blog roll???