Thursday, June 24, 2010 9:05 PM, CDT

Well, it's been a pretty rough past few weeks. Last week I fought fevers on and off. By the fourth night we decided we should probably get it looked at. We drew blood the next morning to check counts and look for infections.​ The counts came back pretty normal and they never found any growth on the culture. Once the fevers passed the tumor site started to become painful again. The inflammatio​n is causing lots of discomfort, to the point of not being able to sleep again. Apparently my body started to get used to the Vicodin I was taking, and it was no longer as effective at controlling the pain. We hesitated to go back down to Mexico because chemo and radiation can cause swelling. We were very thankful that there were no infections as well.

I went into work on Monday a little bit, but other than that I spend my days trying to catch up on the sleep I lost at night. It is very dishearteni​ng. A typical night includes me going to bed at 9, rolling around til about 11. Getting up and either using a heat pad or icing the tumor. Maybe taking a hot bath. Four or 5 times a night crying out to God on the living room floor asking for some relief. Sounds like fun, huh?

Today we went into Dr. Schock to get some more blood drawn so that Rubio can test it and see what he thinks. Schock upped my meds to Vicodin along with time-releas​ed Morphine. I had my first tablet today and I am still in lots of pain. My left leg is tingling quite a bit from the inflammatio​n and it makes it hard to sleep.

I try to play with my girls but even that is painful at times. They can't jump and climb on me like they used to. It is very difficult. Thankfully Katelyn has been wonderful at keeping my hopes up, but being in pain for that long is exhausting.​ We hope to hear good news from the blood culture in Mexico. We will probably get the results back on Monday. We will be getting another MRI in July to see what's going on.

Please pray for supernatura​l grace, wisdom, and discernment as we battle this ugly disease. I am tired of what it is taking from me. Pray for hope and that God would clearly speak to us and manifest His presence each step of the way. Katelyn had a dream a while back that she was writing my temperature down and fighting fevers. She remembers that it was a big spiritual battle that was going on. Pray for us. We need it. We thank you all for your faithfulnes​s and may God richly bless you in this life and the life to come!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010 3:54 PM, CDT


We're back!

We had an amazingly refreshing time in San Diego. Pretty sure Jordan's favorite part was the very superior mattress he got to sleep on. Yes, sleep! Praise the Lord! And mine was the highly superior toilet paper. :) It was so good to see my man re-ener​gized. We frequented an organic market & deli, the beach, a few little seaside restaurants​, & thoroughly enjoyed reading and relaxing at our hotel. We also were so blessed to go to church and worship and be renewed in the proclamatio​n of the Word!

We arrived home on Thursday night. Arawen was an amazing traveler, our flights were all on-time and our final stop before home was in Goodfield to reunite with Jaycee! She enjoyed her time with both sets of grandparent​s, but today she queried "Where am I?" when looking through our San Diego pictures. It's so completing to be all together again, and we're thankful to be getting back into a routine.

Jor​dan's doing ok. He's not bouncing back like I think we both assumed he would. We wanted the quick fix. In this case, the 10-day fix. But, the disease is serious and healing takes time. However, we're more than willin​g to persevere i​n helping his body heal!

His energy level is still fairly low, but he's not dragging himself around. He still feels what he calls "sensations" in his tumor site, but the painfulness is nearly nonexistent. He's struggling with some pain in his shoulder muscles, but the blame is on a horribly uncomfortab​le plane ride, not a mass of multiplying cells. He's also experiencin​g some fevers, but they break and depart quickly. We're counting our blessings and are so thankful for how much better he is doing!

We've both had scriptures laid on our hearts to give this battle against cancer to the Lord. Jordan shared 2 Chronicles 20 with me yesterday. Great story! Amazing example of how God wins the battles and how non-depende​nt He is on us! You should read it. Maybe Jordan will feel so moved to expound upon it later.

We're learning to release it to Him and let Jehovah set the ambush for us. Thanks for joining us in the fight, or rather, the surrender. :)

...For the battle is the LORD's, and he will give you into our hands. -David to Goliath (1 Sam 17:47)

Arawen saying "Cheese!" and playing with her daddy in our hospital room.

We talked with Dr. Rubio at length yesterday after the blood results came back and just wanted to update all of our pray-ers.

The blood cultures did reveal some "abnormal cells." (This means cancer cells- it just doesn't sound as bad.) There is also a significant amount of inflammation and necrosis. Inflammation meaning swelling of body tissue mostly due to the biological warfare of good cells and bad cells. Necrosis meaning death; in Jordan's case a bunch of dead bad cells are still floating around in his body. Thankfully, it's mostly the bad (cancer) cells that are dying!

On the whole, we were greatly encouraged, so Praise Jesus for His divine design of our immune system! Jordan's is still putting up a valiant fight.

Why the pain? Yeah, I'm still struggling with this one. This was the first time Jordan's Mexico followups had been stretched out to 3 months. In order for the healing process to progress smoothly, the body needs a lot help in getting rid of the large amounts of cells that are being attacked and killed by the immune system. Detox. Detox. Detox. His treatment in Mexico includes a lot of detox (chelation, rife therapy, oxygen, etc.) We hit a speed bump. Besides the cleansing vegetable juices we were doing daily, he went the longest his body's been without heavy-duty detoxification. We have already discussed ways we can step up his home detox program which will allow his 'sewer system' to work efficiently and keep us on track to continue lengthening his checkups. Taking into consideration that Jordan's tumor site is uncomfortably close to major nerves, & all of the activity & build up going on right there, his body began protesting.

Although Jordan's pain has drastically decreased since we arrived, his energy and appetite are nearly nonexistent and his body continues to defy sleep. He wrestles with stiffness & his pillow all night. He does sleep, he just doesn't sleep for very long at a time, waking nearly every hour.

In classic Jordanian humor, when asked by another patient how he felt, my husband replied: "Oh... like I need a 6-day nap." Even at his worst, he's tossing out some chuckles. It's so hard to see him sapped of strength and to have his responsiveness chopped in half. But, he really is a champion! Never once have I had to fear he would give up. He has buoyed my spirits and pointed my gaze to eternity more times than I can count, and I'm not even the sick one. He has embraced the promises and actively pursued the good that we know God will bring from this. Last Thursday, after we got the MRI results back, he came home at lunchtime to be with me. One of the first things out of his mouth was something about how God was going to use this in our lives. He has truly surrendered to God's purification process and has become better, not bitter. It's been amazing and humbling to see Jesus so up-close in him. He is my best friend, my lover, and, next to the promise of eternity, my greatest earthly blessing!

In the toilet paper aisle of life, I never would've chosen the scratchy, one-ply, nauseatingly scented Mexican brand with which I've been re-acquainted. Nope, I'm headed for the upper-class end of the aisle; 3-ply, quilted, UNscented, uber soft, practically a disposable egyptian cotton would be lovingly placed in my cart. Give me comfort, and give it to me all day, every day. But I don't get to pick. After all of my coaxing, protesting, and temper tantrums, God re-stocks the toilet paper, not I. He's the one on the throne, knows what's best, knows how much comfort I really can do without. I've slowly taken advantage of the grace to be thankful for the glory-factor of our circumstances. Not what I would've picked, but thankful to illuminate a little bit of His glory. I'm dwelling in a strange paradox: praying the suffering ends and rejoicing at being counted worthy to suffer shame for his name. (Acts 5:41) In the end, when all that really matters is God's magnificent glory, this promise blows my mind:
the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Rom 8:18) Be blessed!

Pic taken at Texas Roadhouse for Jaycee's 3rd birthday two days before we left.


Well, we made it to Mexico safely. I was in quite a bit of pain for the first flight to Chicago because I wanted to wait for the longer flight to take my medication. When we got to Chicago I popped some Vicodin & that helped a little bit. There was a very nice Indian man that gave up his aisle seat for a middle one so we could have all three seats to ourselves. What a blessing! We were able to lay Arawen down on the floor and then I could stretch out by lying on Katelyn's lap.

Dr. Rubio Jr. looked at my scans and talked with us on Monday afternoon. He believes that the fingers affecting the nerves in my spine which are only about 1cm long could be due to inflammatio​n and necrosis. We will not know for sure if it's new cancer growth 'til tomorrow when my blood cultures come back. I will be getting 6 rounds of radiation and 4 bags. The last 2 days of treatment will be cleansing my body to diminish the side effects of the radiation.

K​atelyn and Arawen are doing great. I'm so happy to have them here. It's so fun to watch Arawen lift everyone's spirits. She's learning so many new words and makes us laugh all the time. Katelyn's been there for me every step of the way and she is such a wonderful wife.

Last night we had a special time of laughing, crying, remembering​, and joking around. We talked about how amazing it is to have a faithful God through all of this. We talked about being so thankful to have my wife and daughters that mean the world to me. These past couple of weeks, Jaycee would just randomly come up to me and give me kisses on the cheek and lips. Everyday when I get home, I'm bombarded with 2 screaming, running girls. What a welcome! I'm so thankful to have 3 girls that love me so much. I want to take the time to treasure what’s really important in my life. Over 2 years ago I had a brother with the gift of prophecy pray over me. He prophesied that there would be a turning, something that seemed bad, but that God was going to use to bring Himself glory and fulfill His purposes for me. Now that word that he gave is starting to make sense. We strengthene​d each other with God's promises. Everywhere we go in the Word confirms to us that we are going to get through this. We've been reading through Acts and have been so inspired by the power of the Holy Spirit in that book. I love how Paul is so bold and faithful when he says that no matter what trials will come, he will press through without fear because of the Holy Spirit. We talked about the dream my dad had about my scans coming back clear. This has encouraged me so much because he doesn’t usually remember his dreams. It was great to reflect on the past few years.

We are planning on getting away for the weekend in San Diego. We rented a car and Pricelined a hotel for really cheap. Pray that it will be a good time of relaxing and refreshing.​
We thank you for all your prayers. Please pray for good rest. I think it’s been over 2 weeks since I slept through the night. Not sleeping at night affects my energy levels and appetite. I just want to sleep soundly like I used to. Pray that God would grant that request.

Thursday, May 27, 2010 9:47 PM, CDT

Hello brand new computer & internet provider, you two were out of my life for over a month thanks to two little girls who cooperated together to prove that computers can be banged to death. However, my forced separation from you was truly purgi​ng and priority-re​aligning for me. So, hello again, you are a blessing in moderation.​

Hello brand new house that we are so thankful for! The longer I'm here, the more I like you! What a praise of divine interventio​n and provision.

H​ello "How do I fix this and how much does it cost?" mindset. Goodbye "Where's my phone so I can call maintenance​?" mindset.

Hel​lo countertop space!

Hello laundry room!

Hello wonderful amazing backyard!

He​llo yardwork.

He​llo summer! How did we survive without you for so long? What did we do all day inside?? We are all so happy to see you!

Hello cancer, you are most unwelcome in our season of 'new'.

Hello opportunity to glorify God and point others to Jesus. I am trying to rejoice at your appearance.​



Jordan began feeli​ng discomfort about two weeks ago. The pain contin​ued to increase, but a couple times at the driving range and a golf tournament on Monday were suspected of having irritated his tumor site. It became so bad, and he was so sleep deprived from painful nights that he went to the doctor yesterday. They were able to get him in for an MRI in the afterno​on. He called me this morning letting me know that the doctor had called with the results and the tumor has begun to grow and has two small new nodules that are invading his spine. These are most likely causing the intense pain.

We spoke with our doctors in Mexico. Jordan, Arawen, and myself have plane tickets for Monday, the 31st with a return date of June 10th. The seriousness of this hit home when we were told they wanted us for at least a week. After further details were given and a rough draft of the treatment plan discussed, we decided on a 10-day trip.

We have gratef​ully received healing prayer and the Truth of God's word spoken into our lives already. However, everybody that reads this knows that I write as a plea for more prayer. I hesitate to give medical details because they can suck the faith out of our prayers if we dwell on them. Please pray believing that God is bigger than a horribly invasive, tenacious, ​and hateful disease! We believe that He is; we've seen and testify to how much bigger God is than cancer. We will continue to lift up the name of Jehovah-Rap​ha (The God who Heals) and we will keep all of you updated.
To Him be the glory!

I selected this photo because it's one of my favorites and lately, I've been reminded of how thankful I am that my girls have a daddy! This is one of his very first daddy-daughter moments ever minutes after Jaycee was born.

We are all doing well! Jordan's followup to Mexico the second week of March came back with good reports. He got his next followup extended; he won't have to returntil June! Wonderful news! Wonderful Lord!

God is abundantly blessing Jordan's work at his new job and we are so thankful to a creative, orchestrative God who does all things well and in perfect timing. We're also still on the house hunt here in Peoria, hoping to get one soon.

The next section of this post is something that was written a while ago. I wrote it the day we got the report from his most recent CAT scan revealing that his lungs were now completely clear. I sat down in awe and thankfulness with my Jesus and about a fourth of the way into my journal entry, the beginnings of thought crept up: I wasn't supposed to keep this private. The Spirit was nudging me to eventually post what was coming from my heart to the page. The delay is due to letting Jordan read it, praying about it, a lot of procrastination, and some insecurities on my part.

Please know that this is a snapshot of a very tender, vulnerable, uninhibited, awe-struck moment with my Father. I'm letting you in on it because I've been given the grace to obey. The scripture is Psalm 63. This is verbatim:


To My Awesome Abba

I have looked upon You in the sanctuary, beholding Your power and glory
-at Bethel when we praised You til we were worn out
-at BethelValpo when Jaycee & I went to the front and danced before You
-at Washington when dad glorified Your name with his full-of-faith sermon
-at Northwoods when You imparted miraculous joy & hope & a vision of how You delight in overturning Satan's plans
-at RockChurch where we praised You in the storm & were fed Your Word
Because Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise You
Your steadfast love is even better than Jordan's life & I give him to You
So I will bless You as long as I live; in Your name I will lift up my hands
You are giving us boldness in our miraculous story & against-the-grain praise
My soul shall be satisfied as with fat and rich foods, and my mouth will praise You with joyful lips when I rmember you upon my bed and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for You have been my help
So many sleepless nights, Father. Give me a passion to meditate on you with joyful lips!
In the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy
I am so elated right now & full of delight in You! Thank You for the miraculous test results we got back just now! "TOTAL RESOLUTION" as per the pathologist :) I am in awe of You & overwhelmed with Your lovingkindness, endless grace & incredible outpouring of blessing! I love You Father! Thank You, Thank You, Thank you!
My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me
You have taught me this even when it feels like I'm not learning. It truly is all about You. About no one -no thing -no organization -no presumptuous man-made idea -just You! I'm holding on tight.
But those who seek to destroy my life
Satan, his demons, my flesh, cancer
Shall all go down into the depths of the earth!
Yay God! You make us triumph over our enemies!
They shall be given over to the power of the sword; they shall be a portion for jackals!
Oh yeah! Thank You Jesus; this is because of You & Your work of redemption on the cross. Without You, we'd be dead.
But the King shall rejoice in God
David wrote this when he was king. As I re-write this in my journal i say: Katelyn will rejoice in God. Right now, I feel like it. But when I don't, I WILL rejoice in God.
All who swear by Him shall exult, for the mouths of liars will be stopped
like the people that said "incurable, & 6-24 months!" God is truth & right now God is saying: "I still have more for you" HALLELUJAH!
O God, You are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh faints for You; as in a dry & weary land where there is no water.
This is at the end because after going through verses 2 through 11, You have made verse 1 true for me. You did it, are doing it, & I now believe less in myself & more in You.
You alone I praise & worship & thank & give all the Glory. JESUS! I shout Your name!

Thursday, February 18, 2010 9:24 PM, CST

Well, it's been a few weeks since we've updated so I thought I would bring things up to date. Katelyn just picked up a copy of the medical reports from my MRI and CT scan. I love reading through the report from the CT scan. There is no pulmonary nodule. There is no infiltrate. There is no pleural effusion. There is no mediastinal adenopathy. There is no pericardial effusion or pleural effusion. Impression: Complete resolution of the nodules in the lungs! I don't really understand most of it, but the last sentence tells me all I need to know.

Before we went down to Mexico the first time we went down to St. Louis to Barnes Jewish Hospital. We met with three specialists and the last one was a cardiothoracic surgeon. When he looked at the cd of my medical records he counted at least 16 spots on each lung. And now, a complete resolution of the nodules in the lungs. What an amazing miracle!

Each time I think about it I just thank God. I command the rest of the cancer in my pelvis to leave my body. God has given us authority and I want to be faithful to what He has given. Jesus told his disciples that it was needful for him to go because he could then send the Holy Spirit. He also said that the same works that He did we shall do, and greater works than these. That is so exciting to me.

Corinthians tells us we are new creatures, ambassadors for Christ, and ministers of reconciliation. Ephesians tells us we are joint heirs with Christ, blessed with all spiritual blessings, and seated in heavenly places with Christ. What an amazing identity and authority he has given us. We are not to trust in man's wisdom, but in the power of God. I am learning that the Holy Spirit was not just sent to convict of our sin, but to quicken us as HE quickened Christ. To guide us into all truth, to help us, to comfort us, to bring all things to remembrance. I want the Holy Spirit to be the ruler of my heart.

A verse I think of often is John 3:8, the wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you don't know where it comes from or where it is going. So is every one that is born of the Spirit. A life in the Spirit is unpredictable and exciting. Life in the Spirit is full of joy. If we are attentive to Him he will probably ask us to get out of our comfort zone, but that is where we find God a lot of times. If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat. I pray that we all would get out of the boat and learn to live life in the Spirit.

My new job is going well. I have some great co-workers and the transition has been pretty smooth. I still have a lot to learn but I am so thankful for the opportunity. It's nice only having a 15 minute drive to and from work. Thank you Jesus for the new job.

Katelyn and I have been asked to speak on different occasions. We could use your prayers that God would continue to use our situation to glorify His name and draw people to Himself. Thanks for your prayers.

I am scheduled to go back to Mexico the middle of March for a few days. I have been a little under the weather with a sore throat and a cough, but I think I am through the worst of it. Other than that I have been feeling pretty well. I want to continue to fight what's left in my pelvis so I can be completely cancer-free. Please join me in prayer. May God richly bless all of you for your faithful intercession.