Monday, March 23, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Ahh... Monday! I just love this brand new hassel-free week looming before me. Last week, on the other hand, the one I've already lived through, yeah that one... that one had a lot of things that did not happen in it. (But, I am in good company.)

First & foremost; at this present moment, I do not have an open wound on the inside of my lip. It most certainly did not come from leaving the toothbrush in my mouth while reaching up to do my hair which led to my hand shanking the toothbrush into my lip which got a hole in it from my very sharp tooth. Secondly, I absolutely do not have an identical open wound right next to the other one! I did not inflict this wound upon myself in THE EXACT SAME MANNER! This FOR SURE did not happen THE VERY NEXT DAY! This did NOT happen because I would not tell such humiliating stories on my very own blog. Nope. Not me!

While at Cold Stone buying a gift card, I did not ask the check out lady for a gummy bear for my daughter because there was a tub of them right next to the register. I also did not make sure I asked her for this tiny piece of free merchandise AFTER I had already paid and had my credit card safely back in my wallet just so she wouldn't try to charge me. Who thinks of that!? Not me! I was not very confused when she walked all the way down the counter to the OTHER tub of gummy bears & came back with an ice cream dish mounded with those tiny pieces of free merchandise. I also most certainly did not thank her profusely & hand all of them to Jaycee. Jaycee did not devour all of the gummy bears that I did not feed her in her carseat (minus 3 which she did not sweetly hand up to me) in about 5 minutes.

I did not get stopped in the parking lot of the grocery store by a nice man wondering if I was Katelyn Schroeder because he had just given the service desk a credit card with that name on it. No. Not me!
I did not lock the keys in my car after church on Wednesday night. No way. Not me!
I did not get all loaded up & over to Sam's Club with the express purpose of printing out pictures there & discover that the CD of prints was still in my computer. It also did not follow that my recently retrieved CD did not work & we came home from 2 trips to Sam's utterly defeated. Nope. Not me!

I did not put too-small shoes on my child knowing full well that her heels were already red from them just to keep her happy. That would be giving in to the demands of a toddler & I do not do that. No, no, definitely not me! The next time we went out, I did not put too-large shoes on my child knowing full well that she might have a little harder time walking in them. I also did not laugh out loud at her when she had to stop & stand with her legs wobbling back & forth while her toes were in, but her heels were out. The look on her face was not absolutely hilarious & the way she confusedly looked up at me and said "shoes? shoes?" did not make me about lose it. That would be laughing at my child's struggles & I do not do that. Absolutely Not Me!


So, what did you NOT do last week?

2 comments:

Heidi said...

Hilarious...I'm so glad you started your blog back up. You provide the comic relief to my day! :)

Jeremy & Nancy said...

Hey! Welcome back to bloggers world! We are loving your comic postings. About the razor.......that exact same senario DID NOT happen to us when Wade was about 6 weeks old and Wyatt did not loose the entire pad of his pointer finger and we DID NOT have blood everwhere! Here's to better days!