It's been another one of those crazy weeks. After finding out the news from the CT scan of the lungs we started praying about and researching other clinics. With that many metastases on the lungs we know that my condition is extremely serious. Back in August they counted at least 16 spots on each lung but stopped counting because we were getting depressed. This time the pictures showed the same thing, if not more spots. They were all over. It has been extremely difficult dealing with that news but we have not lost hope.
Looking back over this past year we have so blessed. I have been able to work, play, we bought a new house, I got a new job. MY quality of life up until recently has been pretty amazing. Thinking of what it would have been like with the original chemo regimen they had me on, I can't imagine what this past year would have been like. I probably would not have been able to work and probably would weigh about 140 pounds. We have been thankful for this past year. God has really blessed it.
We feel like we are in the same boat as a year ago but they said I may not even live 6 months. We are going to continue to fight and trust that God will still bring complete healing even though things seem to be getting worse. l have lost quite a bit of weight over the last few months. Please pray that I will get my appetite back and that I can stay nourished. Right now, I really need to concentrate on my diet and not feed the cancer. It is difficult, but I believe God can bless it and give me the discipline to eat the foods that will help my body the most. Katelyn has been great at supporting me in this and I am thankful for that. Pray for her perseverance as well and that she could continue to encourage me in what I eat.
She has been absolutely amazing. If I had to sum it up I would say she has been a rock. The many times I would break into tears of severe pain she would always be there to comfort me and pray for me. She has been so willing to get me whatever I need and I am so in awe of the way she loves me. I keep telling her there is a giant mansion in Heaven waiting there just for what she has done on my behalf. Continue to lift her up in your prayers. It is very difficult for her to see me this way and I know she grows very weary at times. All I can say is thank you so much Jesus for the amazing wife of 4 years. I hope she will be my wife for another 70 years.
We have been looking into clinics in Atlanta, New York, and Texas. They all kind of have different approaches and each one sounds better when you are talking to someone over the phone about it. We talked to a doctor from Atlanta today and he said that sarcomas are very difficult to treat. They can respond very well to treatment and then mutate and find a way around it. We have been doing lots of thinking and praying and trying to decide where we should go next. We just feel like we are at the end of the road here at Rubio's and it's time for a change. No hard feelings. They have been so accommodating and we are thankful for the treatment and the help they provided this past year.
We decided tonight that we are going to fly out of San Diego tomorrrow and head home for the weekend to be with family and friends. We will then decide where we will go from there. We may even stay home if we feel God leading us to trust in complete healing around home. We don't know for sure. We do look forward to being home, though.
They ended up doing a nerve block in my back tonight. They stuck a needle in my spine and gave me morphine and another med. They will send a pump or two home with us then so we can continue the doses. Each dose lasts about 30 hours. I feel better already. All week I have had nerve sensations that cause my left leg to be tight all the time. It is very uncomfortable and has made it very difficult to walk and sleep. It feels great to get some relief but we know that it is just a band aid right now, and is not fixing the underlying problem of the tumor in the pelvis. Hopefully, it will help the flight home be a little more enjoyable than the flight out.
So how can you pray for us? Pray for a safe trip home tomorrow. Pray for strength for me and recovery for me. Pray that we can be a light to those that we come into contact with this weekend. Pray that we can be re-energized with supernatural joy and hope this weekend as we have missed our family and friends so much. Pray for wisdom and discernment as we decide where to take the next step. Pray for God to be glorified no matter what the outcome is. Thanks for all your prayers.
We have had many dreams and visions as a family for our future. We have had people pray and prophesy incredible things into our lives. God has given us confirmation that we will get through this. Katelyn made a great point this morning and said maybe we are putting all our hope in those dreams and not in the Dream Giver. I thought about that a lot today and I think she hit the nail on the head. God wants us to want Him and Him only. He wants our total focus and attention. He says we will find him when we seek for Him with our whole hearts. Joseph had a dream. Things didn't quite go the way I think he thought they might after receiving the dream. Between the pit, Potiphar, prison, and the palace it says the Lord was with him. In the end, he was able to tell his brothers that the Lord meant it for good. It says the word of the Lord tried Joseph. Did he cling to his Lord, or to his dream? We want to cling to Jesus and trust that whatever his will is we are willing to do it. Thank you Lord for bringing that word through Katelyn. She is so right. Pray that we can forsake everything else and just cling to our Savior and in what he has in store for us.