Friday, November 13, 2009 7:52 AM, CST


This picture was taken the day we got back. I posted one of all of us (plus Timmy) taken right before we left. There were tears after that was taken when we had to leave Jaycee. There were tears before this one was taken when we got to hold her in our arms again at the airport. Funny how tears go with happy and sad.

We're all doing well. We're delighting in the Lord and the pain-free, energy-reco​vering health that Jordan's experiencin​g! Thanks for all of your prayers during his followup. He is back to being hard at work for his girls during the busy harvest season. The girls and I are slowly adjusting to the pool-less weather. I'm also getting my toes wet with the new diet change and wading through recipes and a plethora of information. Jaycee and I have a new "carrot juice" routine- prepared da​ily for Jordan's (and our) consumption. We're enjoying it with only tiny little panic attacks at the grocery store when it seems like EVERYTHING has high fructose corn syrup.


I pray for a little boy named Stellan because I read his mom's blog. Stellan has a rare heart condition that makes his heart go into super fast rhythm. This past week he had a heart surgery that went far and beyond what all of his doctors and specialists hoped. Post surgery, they actually tried to make his heart go back into tachycardia by going through his esophagus and sending electrical pulses and guess what, after the doctor "tried very aggressivel​y," Stellan's heart did NOT begin to beat fast. That means he's fixed. It means God heard all those people praying in faith and blew the doctors out of the water with how well their attempt to fix a 10-month-ol​d's heart went. Praise God!!!

But, the day before Stellan's surgery, his heart relap​sed into the dangerous rhythm and gave out. He flatlined, lost oxygen to his brain, and had to be electrocute​d back to life. They thought he was dying right there on the ER table.

My thoughts while vacuuming yesterday: Why did God have to put his parents through that? Why did they have to go through all of the wrenching emotions of thinking they were going to lose their son? Why did they have to worry about brain damage and his ability to even get through a surgery? Wh​y didn't God heal him right when the prayers started when they found out about his heart condition in the womb? God knew He was going to heal him- why did He have to put his family through that horrible day before they got to the wonderf​ul outcome? It's like God was just flexing His muscles. Like he wanted to show off, to put on display His power by contrasting it against how bad it could be. Is God theatrical, have a flair for drama?

And then I remembered that verse in Isaiah: The LORD will lay bare his holy arm in the sight of all the nations, and all the ends of the earth will see the salvation of our God. Isaiah 52:10
Can't you just see it? That divine sleeve being rolled up revealing the huge, divine arm and the declaration of strength that doesn't even require speech- it's simply seen- by all nations. God does flex His muscles. He does show off. God is God. He gets all the glory and He knows it. He designed it that way.

He's also sovereign.

He's also the Master Teacher and I know that even though Stellan's folks are still reeling from the tidal wave of emotion and the speed with which they're going through it, they're learning things. God is teaching them and has taught them a lot through this trial. Stellan's parents still have questions and are confused, thankful, relieved, jittery, worn out, and are wondering what's next for their family.

It sounds so familiar. What an epiphany I'm having.

I got to be you- all of our amazing blog readers and prayer warriors. I got to sit on the sidelines, look at it objectively​, sympathetic​ally, pray for someone that I don't know but care for and with whom I only have a cyberspace relationshi​p. Ok, some of you (a lot of you) have much more than a cyberspace relationshi​p with us, but I enjoy the parallelism.​

I am giving God the glory and magnifying His name because a little boy in Boston no longer has to have a permanent central line and receive medication 8 times a day. I am praising Him. I am in awe of Him. Is this how you all feel? I'm so happy for you!

I love this feeling. I love answered prayer. All I can say is "Hallelujah!" and "Praise Jesus!" and "Yay God!"

I don't have to deal with that reeling feeling, the disorientin​g vertigo, the "what just happened?" sensation. I'm not feeling my way through a labryinth of guilt and confusion for still questioning a Heavenly Father that just did what I was begging Him to do. I'm not shaking off lies from the enemy that God just went "Psych!" and then set us right back down where we were. I'm not being tempted to tiptoe around an omniscient Savior because I don't want Him to notice how little I've progressed and trigger another, more colossal test of faith. I'm not ashamed of my pleas for wanting to know the "why" and the "what now?" I'm not disappointe​d in myself for having gone through a transformin​g miracle and seeing the same old ugly inside.

Nope. I'm just praising God and relieved and excited for my brother and sister in Christ. I count it a priviledge to be a part of the prayer task force, the Body, and a wisp of sweet aroma in God's nostrils. I learned a lesson. And it was fairly pain free. Sure, I spent a little emotional energy on this family, but at the end of the teary blog posts, I shut the laptop and went to bed.

It was like I was in Calculus class and then went down the hall to Spanish. I love learning to speak Spanish. I could live in Spanish class. I'll take 20 credit hours of Spanish, please. Math, Science, Social Stud​ies, History? No, thank you. I'm not good at those. Thos​e do not come easily to me. I don't enjoy those subjects. B​ut, at some point, God calls us to learn how to calculate equations and where to put punctuation marks. Before I get lost in an analogy with which I'm not even that familiar, (homeschool​s don't have halls or classrooms- my Mom learned me at the kitchen table- Thank you Mom, you're the best! pleas​e notice that I have not ended any of my sentences with a preposition as of yet), I will digress.

Som​ething else I've been pondering lately; If I really believe God is who He says He is, will the striving to do things in my own strength cease? I believe it will. If I believe that God is Savior and He saved me, -not myself, or the Sunday ​School teachers, or even the godly parents that brought me up in the knowledge o​f the Word- not even a sliver of a portion of my salvation credits to anyone else, then the sanctificat​ion and the teaching, and the instructing is also all of God's doing. God saves. God sanctifies. Period. I have been trying to rest in the fact that God is Rabboni- Master- Teacher. If God's the Master Teacher and He's got me in Calculus class in the Fall of 2009 -as horrifying ​and terribl​y hard as derivatives and integrals are- then God knows thats what I'm supposed to be learning. I also have to believe, that if God is who He says He is- my Father- then He's not wasting breath. He's not getting up in front of the class for no reason. His lessons aren't poorly planned, or timed. They're exactly what His student needs, and if anybody can get His student to learn anything, it's the Master, the Designer, and the Father of that selfsame student. It's indisputabl​e.

So, I am learning.​ I am sanctifi​ed. I am being made holy. I've got to be. If God is who He says He is- and I believe it- there's no way God's plan for me is not working. Even though it feels that way sometimes. ​

I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day. -Me (2 Timothy 1:12)

I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. -God (Ps 32:8)

Thursday, October 29, 2009 12:54 PM, CDT

I can't believe that it has been so long since we updated but I guess time has been flying. Things have been going pretty well. I am getting a lot of my strength and energy back, especially in the last week or two. I have been working 3/4 days and have been doing lots of bowhunting.​

Our talk at the high school retreat went well. God really blessed it. It was neat going back through all we had been through and seeing how faithful He was each step of the way. We have learned so much and have seen God's miraculous power through it all.

I got back down here to Mexico on Tuesday afternoon. They did all my detox, gave me some chemo, and did the vaccines. I think they will do chemo each day until I leave. I do not have to go to radiation, though. It has been going pretty well. I have been staying in a hotel the past two nights because the clinic has been full. Tonight there is a room open here so I will get to stay here at the cancer center, and then I come back home tomorrow.

Th​e doctor said my blood levels look really good and when he examined my pelvis he thinks the tumor has gone down in size by 90%. He said to keep doing what I'm doing and come back in a month. If things continue this way he said that I won't have to come down as often which would be great.

It has been neat to come back and see how some of the patients are doing that we met when we were down here. Most are doing really well. It has also been neat to meet the new patients. We have a great time and have lots of laughs together during meal time.

Thanks again for your continued prayers and intercessio​n. Thanks also for all of the support and nice things that have been done on our behalf. Katelyn and I have really been praying that God would reveal to us where He wants to use us. To whom much is given, much is required and we just Him to have His way with us. Pray for wisdom and revelation for us. Please pray for the other patients down here as some of them are in pretty rough shape.

Thank you God for manifesting your goodness and love to us. We are forever grateful and are excited to share what He has done in our lives with others. May we declare His works and the glorious majesty of His kingdom to all those we encounter.




Tuesday, October 6, 2009 7:34 PM, CDT

It's great to be home. Things have been going pretty well and we are so grateful to be back home and be together as a family again. God is continuing to bless us and we are constantly amazed as we look back and see what he has done. At the time when certain things happen you don't always understand, but you can look back and see God's hand each step of the way.

My energy level has come back quite a bit in the past few days. I started back to work on Wednesday and have been working about 3/4 days. I realized that I lost a fair amount of strength in the past 4 weeks but I am trusting that it will come back quickly. Deer archery season also opened last week and I have been thankful to get back out in the stand and spend some more alone time with God. There's nothing like watching the sun rise on those cool October mornings. I haven't gotten one yet but I am excited for some organic venison!

We continue to be overwhelmed by love and support, and we thank God for each one of you. We called down to the cancer center today and it sounds like I will go down for 3 days of treatment t​he last week of October. I will probably just go down by myself since it is just for a short trip.

On Saturday Katelyn and I are supposed to speak to a group of high school kids about our journey. We would greatly appreciate your prayers. Pray that God would give us boldness and that he would use our experience and testimony to encourage others to trust in an almighty God. Thanks so much for your prayers.

We made it home safely. The trip was uneventful and exhausting. We were so ready to get back to our little girl! It was overwhelming to get to see her at the airport and hold her again. Their were tears of joy and thankfulness and relief. For the sister's reunion though, there was just giggles. It was the cutest thing ever.

Jordan went back to work yesterday with doctor's orders to not overdo it. Overall, he feels really well, just a little lower energy, some fatigue, and occasionally some slight nausea. We're learning the ropes of his treatment regimen he is supposed to follow at home. I was taught at the hospital how to administer his injections he receives four times a week. He has a pill organizer very full of medications. Mostly, it's natural supplements that build up the immune system and contain cancer-fighting substances.

The recovery from cancer also requires a significant diet change. Much more fresh, raw, and natural. Less meat and dairy. And very limited sugar, processed, and refined. We're easing into it, as it gets a little overwhelming to try to switch abruptly. We keep reminding ourselves that Jordan has much more to live for than the food he's been living off of up til now. Pray for wisdom, perseverance, and creativity as we pursue these changes. We're going to need it.

As far as "getting back to normal" goes, we're not.

I feel all strteched, strung, and wrung out. But at the same time, totally sustained. We're back to the same people, places, and things, but we're different. Inarguably, irrevocably, searingly different. I don't know how all the pices fit back together. I do know that unto whom much is given, of him shall be much required. We've been abundantly blessed, we've had prayers miraculously answered. I get to live my life (albeit fragile & unpredictable) with the love of my life. Jordan gets to train his girls up, teach them all the things he thought, just two months ago, was slipping from his reality. Jaycee and Arawen get to keep their daddy. We are painfully aware of this huge blessing. We prayed for a miracle, knowing that with it would come great responsibility.

I remember the weekend we found out Jordan's cancer was way worse than originally thought. Some dear friends invited us out to their lake on a beautiful summer day. A lady there asked me if I was just looking for some normalcy. I quietly answered in the affirmative. It was the expected answer and I was far from being conversive. But as I stood there swinging Jaycee in the baby swing with my roving thoughts, I knew it wasn't true. I wasn't looking for "normal." After Jesus redeemed me, I had never sought after "normal." The prayers I prayed, the desires I had, the gifts I'd been given, the God I served; all of that was far from normal. I never wanted normal. I wanted Amazing. I wanted Supernatural.

For the last three years of our marriage, Jordan and I have been praying that no matter where God sent us or what we did, He would receive all the glory from our lives. We prayed that with something like going to Mexico in mind. But we prayed it consistently. Maybe it took three years of seeking direction, and wondering what we were supposed to do for us to really mean it. Because, when we got plummeted into the missionfield "Cancer," God's glory remained our desire.

To God be the glory for the remarkable u-turn in Jordan's health. He did this and no one else. Our awesome, all-powerful, un-normal God. He not only worked a miracle in Jordan's body, He purified us, He taught us how to pray, He is still using this in our lives in some very formative ways.
It's Amazing.
It's Supernatural.
It's what I've always wanted.
How ironic.
Actually, maybe the better way to put is how unexpected.

God answered our prayers in an entirely out-of-the-box kind of way. It's not what we would have chosen. Going to a Mexican orphange would have been selected far and above the Mexican hospital. (Again, Mexican orphange or hospital- irony, or divine creativity?) In a way though, it is what we chose. God gets all the glory. And, that's what we wanted when we started our marriage with "extraordinary" in mind.

But what about now? To be real honest, this scattered and stretched feeling isn't all that pleasant. I feel a little lost. I feel like I'm still trying to figure out what happened. Where does fulfilling this huge responsibility come into play? What if I do get "back to normal" and I miss the whole point?

Quite obviously, we're still in need of the Body of Christ and the power of your prayers. We also would ask for prayers for an upcoming high school event at which we've been asked to speak. We've accepted. What we're actually going to say is still in question.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009 6:17 PM, CDT

What a great God we serve? I am so thankful for all the news we have heard in the last week. God has been faithful through this whole journey. We have never felt alone. He has continued to give us supernatural joy and hope. He has blessed us with amazing friends and family. We also have met some great people down here.

Last week we went to a party at one of the nurse's churches to celebrate Mexico's Independence Day. There was good food and Christian music. It was a lot of fun. We also went to a basketball gameat the stadium in Tijuana with Kiko, the maintenance man down here. It was a blast. We also had two singings at the Cancer Center. We had Mennonites, Amish, and AC's. It was a lot of fun. We sang traditional hymns that most of us know. It was just need to worship with people of different backgrounds but that serve the same great God. It was a good week.

Our weekend was great. We stayed with the Duggers and had an amazing time. We biked around Coronado Island on Saturday afternoon and then went to downtown San Diego for a delicous meal and then for ice cream at Ghirardelli's. Sunday we went to two different church services, went to the beach, and hang out with a couple that Mark and Laura know really well. They were great. We just all sat around and talked about how God is working in our lives.

Now it is back to treatment. My last full week. I have been feeling pretty well overall. I don't have a lot of energy but I haven't had much nausea or other side effects. I got chemo last night and I will get it tonight just as a precaution. I had no side effects from the chemo last night. They just give about 10% of the dosage than in the states. I will keep getting detoxed and my vaccines up until Friday. I also will do radiation until Friday. Friday night we will head to Mark and Laura's and then catch our plane early Saturday morning. They will give me a home program with supplements, vaccines, etc. They said I will need to come back in a month for 2-3 days just for a check up.

We are so excited to get back home. I have been so thankful for all the time I have been able to spend with Katelyn and Arawen, but we miss Jaycee so much. Her vocabulary had been growing so fast and we feel like we missed out on a lot being away from her. We know that it was worth it and it has given us a new perspective to make the most of the time we have with her. Arawen said momma and daddy for the first time last week. She growls a lot and is a climbing machine. Every one loves her down here. She is such a happy baby and lifts the spirits of the staff and the patients. It's has been great to have her down here.

Thanks so much for all of the prayers and emails and cards and finances that you all have blessed us with. We can never thank you enough. I think of what would happen if we all prayed with this same fervency all the time. I believe God has used our situation to stir a lot of different people up and for that we give God all the glory. I talked to someone who was starting to fast with his wife, something they really never did much before. God truly is amazing and so much bigger than our situation, and we just want His name to be magnified.

Please pray that the treatment the rest of the week would do what it was intended to do and that we could make it home safely. To God be the glory great things He has done. We look forward to seeing you all when we get home. God bless.

We just spoke with Dr. Rubio. Jordan still has cancer. In fact, he thinks that his cancer has been going on for 5 or 6 years. Five or six years of a deadly, bad-cell-producing, body-overtaking disease. But, Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift, the cancer in Jordan's body is dying. The mother tumor (in his pelvis) is losing the battle to the disease-fighting cells, and the baby tumors (in his lungs) are consequently being cut off from their life source and dying as well.

It's a little process oncologists like to call REMISSION. Yes, folks, you heard it here:

REMISSION!

Thirty-nine days since the launch of this CaringBridge site and I get to write the word Remission? I am undone and overwhelmed by the love of our Father. We give all Glory to Him who alone is worthy!

There's still an internal wrestling match over numerous questions. But right now, all I can be is grateful and all I can say is "Thank You, Father!"

Thank You for being a miraculous God.

Thank You for giving us Your son.

Thank You for manifesting Your love to us through our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Thank You for being the Master Teacher and purifying and growing us through this.

Thank You Father, for this fire.

Thank You Father, for allowing us to glorify You in some small way.

Thanks for amazing parents.

Thanks for amazing family.

Thanks for two beautiful girls.

Thank You for bringing us together.

We love You. In all our imperfection, we still cling to our Abba and give You praise and thanks.

Miraculously grateful,

Jordan and Katelyn

Friday, September 11, 2009 3:27 PM, CDT

Hello from Tijuana. Not too much has changed over the past couple days. Things have gone pretty normally. I usually have to take a nap in the afternoons becuase the radiation wears me out a little. Early next week they are going to do a scan of my pelvis to see hopefully that the tumor is completely gone or has shrunk substantially. I am really not in any pain I just get a little nauseous once in a while from the treatments.

Wednesday afternoon I felt good and was even able to get in the pool and swim a few laps. It felt good to get some exercise. Katelyn and I usually go for a walk at night, so that is something we look forward to.

There are some amazing stories of things that take place down here. Yesterday a man left that 19 years ago had been down here with stage 4 cancer. He was healed and now his wife is down here getting treated for cancer. A lady named Karen left the other day who after two weeks was told that her cancer was in remission. A man is down here now that was healed of leukemia. Another lady down here has cancer in her mouth and had so many infections that she had be on a feeding tube. Now she is looking great and each day eats more and more through her mouth. What an awesome God we serve.

Those are just a few stories. It gives us so much hope seeing these survivors come back and hearing their stories. Thanks for all the prayers. Through the power of prayer and the Holy Spirit we trust that we too will be long time survivors.

This weekend my cousin Joanne is coming down and we are going to hang out in San Diego. I get done about noon tomorrow and then we will be able to get out of here. The weekends are so refreshing just to get out and hang out with friends and family. Pray that my energy level reamains high and that I can thoroughly enjoy the weekend.

Continue to pray for my sweet little wife. She has been nothing short of amazing. She has taken such good care of me and I feel so blessed to be married to her. She has a huge heart and loves me more than anyone else ever has. Pray that God would sustain her, bless her thoughts, give her hope, and use her in any way He sees fit down here. Thanks to all and God bless you. I love you, babe!

09-09-09

We had an amazing past weekend with Mark and Laura (Leman) Duggar! They blessed us in an incredible way by opening their home up to us. We were so refreshed and got some much needed good relaxation and delightful fellowship. This is all of us on Coronado beach.

But onto the update about Jordan. Aunt Marge says "Write!" and I say "Yes, ma'am."

Jordan began IPT therapy last Monday, the day we got here. IPT is low-dose chemo drugs given through an IV along with glucose. The cancer cells are attracted to the sugar and open up, allowing the chemo to be more effective in its demolition. He also started low-dose, localized radiation on Tuesday. The week of chemo and radiation was full of ups and downs and he had several normal- albeit unpleasant- reactions to it. Fatigue, chills, sweats, and slight nausea. The doctor hopes for the first week of chemo that he did to be his last.

This past Monday he started what they call his "vaccine." It literally is a customized vaccine where they inject back into his body his own blood. These disease-fighting blood cells have been isolated and introduced to the de-camoflouged cancer cells so they recognize it. They told him he will start to feel achy because the 'trained' cells that are re-entering his body are going into his bone marrow to get billions and billions of copies made so they can attack the cancer en masse. But that's a good sign- it means his bone marrow is busy.

A normal day for Jordan:

--Before breakfast- get hooked up with chelation. It's basically enzymes and electrolytes designed to flush out the bad stuff while building up his immune system.
--Breakfast.
--After Breakfast- de-tox, rife therapy, magnets, twice a week- foot bath.
--Sometime in the morning- radiation. They get in a van and go somewhere for this - I've never been along. It's called "Radio Terapia de Baja California" and all of the patients receiving radiation take turns getting radiated. It's basically a party.
--More stuff in his IV, and a nap.
--Lunch
--Cabbage- this is placed on his radiation site and is a natural radiation de-toxer. It is boiled and hot and very smelly. It takes 30 minutes.
--Ginger and spice soak. They give us premeasured bags of this spice mixture that we put in the tub and he soaks in it. This also takes 30 minutes.
--Shower.
--Nap, computer, reading, etc.
--Dinner.
--Social time with other patients.
--Vaccine.
--Bed.

It really is a full day for him. Morning 'til evening. He has not reacted adversely to his vaccines yet and loves not being hooked up to something during the night. He sleeps much better that way.

And now for the huge praise: Jordan had lung x-rays taken yesterday and the report shows that the cancer has stopped spreading and the spots are becoming more translucent and smaller. We and the doctors are full of hope! Thank you Jesus! Thank you prayer warriors! We are giving God all the glory.

I will extol thee, my God, O king; and I will bless thy name for ever and ever. Ps. 145:1

Saturday, September 5, 2009 12:33 PM, CDT

This is one of the last pictures of our family all together, taken when we dropped Jaycee off at my parent's home. Somehow, a straggler got in there.

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so... Ps. 107:2

"How are you doing?"

"Okay."

"How are you really doing?"

Well, since you asked... you now get the long version.

I am blessed. This is a statment that is always true regardless of circumstances. A good one to fall back on when you don't want to be dishonest and the desire to elaborate has long since left you.

I am often in disbelief, or a fog, or a haze of some sort when at times I cannot believe that medical records/reports/bills/statistics/information and the necessity of keeping them straight is now suddenly a large part of my life.

I am sometimes overwhelmed. I am sometimes an emotional train wreck. I am sometimes in denial.

I was on the verge of wallowing in self pity. No, I was wallowing in self pity; I was on the verge of doing it all the time. Until our Father stepped in with his miraculous blessing of joy. And hope. Praise Jesus!

I am not talking about a "I'm plastering a smile on my face because I'm a Christian and Christians are supposed to always be happy" joy. I'm talking about a real joy. Imparted from my Father. It is nothing I'm sustaining, or conjuring up on my own. It's a gift.

A week after the meeting with the doctor, the one that left us with the devastating "terminal" stamp, we had another meeting. A prayer meeting. Prayer meetings are miraculous in and of themselves- For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. One of our friends who is a pastor at Northwoods Community Church gathered some believers together to pray for us, over us, and with us. It was a Spirit-filled evening. Spirit-filled Christians coming together to the Throne in one accord. We were so blessed. As the time went on, and the believing prayers went up, I began to be excited. I was filled with hope and joy. I caught a vision of how God loves to flip Satan's plans over on him. I realized how, at the time of Satan's greatest triumph, it really was his point of defeat. He worked so hard to see the Son of Man hang on that cross and with Jesus's final breath, he sealed his doom. It was actually God's plan all along to thwart the devils conniving schemes and make his point of 'victory' his undoing by redeeming mankind through the blood of The Lamb. AWESOME! It just makes me want to exalt the LORD, in His own strength: to sing and praise His power. Ps. 21:13. I left rejoicing in the Salvation of the Lord, in the might of His power, in the unsearchable depths of His love. I believe God is using these terrible circumstances to springboard us into the breakthrough and outpouring for which we have been asking Him. I left filled with miraculous joy and hope. I do not use the term 'miraculous' lightly. It sounds cliche, but I mean it sincerely. This is one of the most precious blessings God has provided us with since this all started. No longer does Jordan have the burden of a disease, a fight to fight, a Godly perspective to maintain, Glory to seek, prayers to pray, and a wife to try to make smile. God took care of the last one for us in a supernatural, sustaining, abudant way.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. Eph. 3:20

And that's how I'm doing...since you asked.

Thanks again for all of the prayers. The further we go we see God perfectly planning and answering them. When we arrived down here we felt a mighty rushing of God's peace that He had sent us down here. That first meeting with Dr. Rubio was so refreshing. Each appointment in the states the reports would get worse with little talk of hope and long life. Dr. Rubio said we would form a team with me, Katelyn, the medical staff, and God. He and his staff has encouraged us to pray often down here. Finally, a doctor realizing where the real healing power comes from.

I thought of the story of the twelve spies. God had told them that the land was already theirs. There were just supposed to go and check it out see what was there. 10 of them got back and said that we are not ably to go up against the people for they are much stronger. I feel like the doctors we have met with in the states have had this same attitude. They feel like there is not much hope. The staff down here seems like they have the Joshua and Caleb spirit. Let us go up at once for we are well able to overtake it.

The staff down here does not diminish the fact that I have a very aggressive cancer. They feel that God has given them wisdom to develop these alternative methods of treatments. Each time we have met with Dr. Rubio and his son they continue to stress the power of prayer and forgetting what the American doctors have told us. They have been really encouraging.

The treatment plan is diet, low dose chemo, radiation, detox, and vaccines. The food here is pretty good and most of it organic. The chemo is low dose so that they can control the side effects. I had some yesterday and I am hooked up right now as I type. For detox they do foot baths and they hook me up to a rife machine that sends out electronic pulses. They also use other methods for cleaning me out that I won't go into detail about. Yesterday they drew blood to test my levels and start prepaing my vaccines. They said all of blood levels looked really well, especially after having that big dose of American chemo. My vaccines will be ready the first part of next week.

I have been feeling pretty well. Yesterday I didn't have much of an appetite. Today it is much better and I feel like my energy level is already increasing. I can sense the prayers and can feel the treatments are already healing. The pain in my back is down to just a sensation once in a while. What an amazing God we serve!

Katelyn said she would post some pictures of my bald head so I will tell you the whole story. The early part of last week I was on my way to work and I ran my fingers through my hair, and more hairs than normal came out. Then I grabbed a clump of about 10 hairs and they came out with ease. I brought my mom's clippers home and had Katelyn give me a buzz. Then I scuffed my head putting my girls into the van and realized that it left about a quarter-sized bald spot. Then I put a hat on and took it off and took several hairs with it. So on Saturday afternoon we finally decided to just shave it all off. It was kind of sad at first but we ended up having a lot of fun with it. We did not know if I would have a good head for it but we found out that its not too bad. She used the clippers with no attachment and then shaved the rest a few times with a razor. It's starting to get tan down in the 85 degree weather and I think it will end up looking pretty good.

Once again, thanks for all the prayers. Pray that each treatment will work the way it is intended and that my body will fight the disease the way it was intended to. We love each one of you and are daily overwhelmed by love and blessings from friends and family.

Hola from Mexico!

We made it. Arawen was a trooper, and is finally getting to sleep for a period longer than 30 minutes. We've had a consultation, a tour, supper, and his first medications are dripping into his mediport already.

Thanks for praying for safe travels. We're one bag short, but it's being delivered -hopefully. :) Hope seems to be the theme around here and we are trusting in our "God of hope." (Rom. 15:13)

Love to all of our fellow hopefuls- Jordan, Katelyn, and Arawen

P.S. More to follow- including pictures of Jordan's new 'do.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 2:51 AM, CDT

We had a wonderful, time in the Ozarks. We were blessed to be Mom and Dad Schroeder's timeshare guest, blessed to be with Jay and Jackie, and blessed to have Kent and Jan's boat to enjoy. Thank you Jesus for vacation! The weather was nice. The place was excellent. The girls were good. The food was amazing. The company was exceptional. It was a blast.

Again, we cannot say thank you enough for all of the prayers you all have prayed, do pray, and will pray for us. It's an eternal gift and a blessing bigger than we realize. So, thanks for lifting us up while we were gone and continuing to be who you are- the Body of Christ.

We are so thankful for all of the prayers, notes of encouragement, material blessings, and hugs (cyberspace and in-real-life) we've received from our brothers and sisters in Christ.To all who prayed for direction and guidance in regards to treatment options- God answered in amazing ways (does He ever do it differently?)

We knew we needed the week to be away, but we also had a lot of praying to do and decisions to make. It took until about Thursday before we stopped pretending nothing was wrong and really buckled down; making phone calls, following different leads we had gotten and calling numbers people had given. On the trip home we spent a lot of time on the phone and God opened a lot of doors, confirmed, and allowed a lot of things to just fall into place. It was like dominoes.

Jordan called me when I was running errands a while back; I think it was the 3rd day after his first gut-wrenching chemo treatment. He told me he was done with chemo. He wasn't bitter, he was just matter-of-fact. I supported.

It's going to take a miracle of God for Jordan to live past 24 months. Does he really want to spend that time throwing up, losing weight, losing hair, and feeling incredibly ill? But are we really okay with not using any of the God-given resources available and not fighting this? I should say I hesitantly supported when he told me he wasn't doing any more chemo. I am not okay with doing nothing. But we aren't doing nothing. We're praying our hearts out; and prayer is huge.

Long story short, and many prayers later- we are traveling to Mexico next Monday for alternative cancer treatment. We're still learning the scientific technicalities but, basically this treatment regimen uses the pre-programmed disease-fighting cells in your blood to create a customized 'cancer vaccine'. They'll change his diet drasticallly, boost his immune system in every way possible, and create a climate in his body best suited for fighting cancer. And he'll still do chemo. But on a much lesser, body-destroying scale. He'll be getting it in doses that are about 10% of what his treatment would be here.

For those of you interested in more information, click here for the website. For those of you who like to look at pictures, click here for pictures of where we will be staying for the next 4 weeks. For those of you who pray, please continue!

That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Eph 3:16-19

We're on vacation! Praise God!

I've been thinking of this prayer in Ephesians that Paul prays for his brothers and sisters in Christ.

We went to the cancer center on Friday to have Jordan's blood drawn to see what his levels looked like and if the medical personnel would give him the go ahead for being gone. The concern was that he would be away during the period of time that cancer patient's blood levels usually dip dangerously. All of the counts were fantastic and his white blood cells were up from last time! His pain level has gone down and his appetite is back. With thankfulness, we're giving God all the glory and thanking our "Aarons" and faithful prayer warriors for lifting us up.

But that doesn't mean you can stop. We need prayers for wisdom and discernment as we seek God about what treatment to pursue and how best to help Jordan's body fight this disease.

We're in the Ozarks so if we don't update for awhile it's because we're relaxing, boating, swimming, having a blast, and thinking about how much our Father loves us.

Thursday, August 13, 2009 5:33 PM, CDT

First off I just want to say thank you for all the love and support that I have gotten. I am constantly overwhelmed by the number of people lifting my name and my girls up to the throne room. As I opened the various cards today that I received in the mail, I reflected on how much God loves me. He spared no expense when He chose to redeem me. He who gave us His son why would he also not freely give us all things. I have thought often of John 6 since I found out about my situation. Jesus had given a number of "hard sayings" and from that point a number of his "disciples" stopped following him from that point on. Jesus then turns to his disciples and asks them if they too are going to abandon him when times get tough. Peter, never lacking a quick response replied with with the right answer. Lord, to whom would we go?

As I encounter each day and am tempted to complain and be defeated, and give up, I think of what Peter said. Lord, where else could we go. You have the words of eternal life. Never in my life have i relied so much on the promises of God and His love for me. People tell me often how they are thinking and praying for me. I then think of the Father and how his thoughts towards me are innumerable. They are more than the sands of the sea. Ephesians tells us that we are God's masterpiece, his poema, created in Christ Jesus unto good works. No matter what happens I know that God is working this for His glory. That has been the prayer on my heart and Katelyn's heart from the beginning.

I trust that as you visit this site you will be encouraged and your love for the Father will continue to grow. There is no other name under Heaven, whereby we must be saved. He is the way, the truth, and the life. One of Katelyn and I's favorite verses about the Father is Romans 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. I will cling to these exceeding great and precious promises as I seek to glorify his name. Who else could we turn to? I trust that I will be healed and that God will touch lives along the way. Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. I pray that each one of you will seek for that abundant life and that your joy may be full in Jesus.

Ninety-seven hours since launch date and the number up by the orange heart reads "2237." That's about 2.6 0.4 visits per minute. (edited with the correct number because I know my dad reads this and he'll notice. my math skills are very fallible.) If this wasn't about my husband with a terminal disease, I'd feel like a celebrity.
It's actually not that accurate. By the time I was done setting this up, adding the first entry, and editing the guestbook, the number was 6. But hey, it errs on the generous side, and if it makes us feel good, I'm not going to complain.

Thank you dearly for all of your entries in the guestbook. We read them all. I especially especially love it when people say they are praying; preferably along with words like "often" and "constantly." I was just advised by a dear friend to be patient with the people that say things, but don't say the right thing. Not everybody will say what I need or want to hear, so I am to be aware, be prepared, and purpose in my heart to handle the situation in a Christ-like manner. I was thankful for the advice. It sounds so easy.

To you, my readers, here are my thoughts on words of encouragement- and please do not let this in any way hinder you from signing the guestbook. As stated, we read them all. We appreciate them all. I'm somewhat of a pragmatist. I also firmly believe in the power of prayer. If I hear that you're thinking of me- that's nice, but if the thought doesn't turn into a petition at the Throne, it doesn't accomplish anything for me. Nonproductive. It doesn't even encourage me. Because the last thing I need is more thoughts about me. I have plenty of those all on my own.

We need prayer. I know this like I know the ache in the back of my heart. And that's the most you can do for us. It might be the least you can do in your mind, but in my mind, it's the most. Spending your valuable time standing in the gap for us and petitioning for a miracle of healing at the feet of our Heavenly Father is an awesome gift. From the bottom of our hearts, Thank you.

I struggled with starting this site. It seemed somewhat sappy and morbid and sad. CaringBridge is for people that are curious about people that are dying. The only people I've heard of associated with CaringBridge are now dead. I had a conversation with my mom when I was wrestling with the idea. Why? Is it because they want to know all the details? Isn't it enough to know that it's horrible and crippling and deadly? Is it because everybody dies, and seeing how someone they know (or kind of know) approaches death is intriguing? We'll all be there someday, so we want to ponder the journey of someone else? Sad events are big news. Everybody likes a good news story. Solomon said it is better to enter the house of mourning than the house of mirth, but I always thought people would choose SixFlags over a funeral any day. Is it cleansing, good for the soul, therapeutic to enter into the grief of another? Maybe it takes our attention off of ourselves. Maybe it helps add perspective to the day-to-day annoyances, irritations, and big decisions that really aren't that critical when the eternity of souls and the realness of pain are a little more forefront in our thinking. I'm probably biased, but when it's someone as young, handsome, strong, and amazing as Jordan, it just makes it that much more tragic. He's 24. He has a young wife and 2 beautiful girls to provide for; he has so much life to live. What is it that makes that orange number leap up every time I check? I don't know. I do know, however, that I used to go to Tyson Aschliman's blog. I'd cry every time, and then I'd pray for him and Leslie and TJ. ...and sometimes I wouldn't.

So, I write. Because if we stay on your minds, we may stay in your prayers. I update not because you need to know, but because we want you to know how to pray. If you care enough to come, you're more likely to care enough to pray. I've surprised myself with how often I've updated already. But that number is so beckoning. If i've got an audience, I've got a piece of your attention, and I just may get a piece of your intercession. I also put the photo in the entry every time because I appreciate the entertainment value of looking at pictures and I'm trying to take advantage of the advertisement factor of putting a picture into your head. More memorable.

It's all very selfish, really. But nobody blames a drowning man for scrambling for the lifejacket.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:55 AM, CDT

So, I'm not going to lie; "Yesterday was hard" is an understatement.

Nothing they didn't warn us about beforehand happened. Nothing we hadn't heard and nodded our heads to in response. Nothing we didn't 'know' about already became our reality yesterday.

But there's a big difference between 'knowing' - "I understand the context, syntax, and meaning of the sentences being spoken to me" and 'KNOWING' - "I'm spending the seconds and minutes of my day in completely foreign territory- unfriendly, rocky, emotional, watching-my-husband-puke-his-guts-out territory."

My thoughts are pretty jerky. My prayers even more so. Everybody in that treatment room was old. I watched those clear bags hanging from a pole on wheels slowly drip down into those clear tubes that ran down and around and up into Jordan's chest. "There go the rest of our children." "There goes a normal marriage." "There goes all of our happy plans."

And yet, still I hope. As if I can't help it. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. Rom. 8:20-21
We are designed to hope. Subjected to it. I hope in the "God of hope." I hope in the God of the Old Testament, win-a-battle-with-just-two-guys God. I hope in the God of the New Testament, "Lazarus, come forth!" God.

I have so many more thoughts. I'm learning a lot. I think.

When Lexi came by with her amazing gift there was a journal included. Jordan and I both decided to write in it through all of this. I have prayed about sharing what goes from our pen to that paper on this site. It scares me, but God asks a lot of his children to do scary things. Joshua comes to mind and I receive God's assurance along with him; "Be strong and of good courage."

This is the first entry. It's Jordan writing. His entries will be in blue. I just decided that right now.

7-25-09 According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ, which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you. And having this confidence I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith. Philippians 2:20-21, 23-25. I obviously look forward to heaven but I feel it is more needful for me to be there for my girls. I believe God has a life-long of Kingdom work for me. He has given me the gift of faith and more than anything I desire His name to be glorified- not to me, but to Your name be the glory, whatever the circumstances. I love You Lord and am full of hope.

July 15- I remember just in time to call Dr. Schock's office in the afternoon to make an appointment for Jordan. They had an opening for the first slot the next morning but I scheduled it for the morning of the 17th because he had forgotten his phone and I couldn't double check with him.

July 16- As soon as the office opens I call to try to get him in for the appointment that morning. We're there within the hour. Blood samples drawn and an MRI scheduled for the 24th.July 20- Dr. S. calls Jordan saying the blood test for rheumatory arthritis came back clear. Methodist calls saying they have a cancellation and we can come in for the last slot that night for the MRI.

July 21- Jordan gets a call in the morning saying that the MRI showed a growth in his back. Biopsy scheduled for the 23rd. My phone isn't working except to text. I get to my neighbor's phone to hear from Jordan. This was hard. Jill came over to give me Jesse's cell for the day and take Jaycee for me. I got out of the house later and just stayed with Jill for the day.

July 23- We find out that the spot is about 4x3x2 inches, it's on the back of his left sacroiliac wing. Biopsy goes well. Dr. Chee took 12 samples; he usually takes 4, making sure we wouldn't have to come back for another biopsy. Jordan reacts to the sedation medication with a fainting spell and vomiting. He's a little out of it also. We're told one of the samples looked like lymphoma. Another one didn't. Good news: lymphoma is very treatable. Lymphoma is cancer. I can't wait to get out of the car and into Jill's so I can cry.

July 24-27. Terrible horrible waiting. I call the doctor's office every day. The fact that I'm annoying does not bother me at all. Dr. Schock finally personally calls my cell phone to assure me that everybody is doing their job as quickly as possible. The tests they're running the laboratory take several steps and a lot of time. He is calling to the lab every day. My cousin Lexi comes over to bring an amazing gift and chat about nothing.

July 28. Call from Dr. S. calls. Preliminary findings: malignant small round cell tumor. It's definitively cancer. What kind? What to do? We don't know. Oncologist appointment scheduled for the 30th.

More horrible waiting.

July 30. Dr. S. calls. They think it's Ewing sarcoma. Oncology appointment. I interrogate the doctor. We don't get to go on vacation. Jordan's mom and my grandma take notes. Nothing is very definitive because he doesn't treat sarcomas. EKG, mediport, and PET scan ordered.July 31. We see the sarcoma specialist at Illinois CancerCare. I am encouraged by her hopefulness and the fact that she won't go ahead with anything until she gets a definitive second opinion fromt he experts at Harvard. She's had a few adult Ewing sarcoma patients in her practice that she's treated. She wants us to go on vacation. An appointment scheduled for the 7th with her nurse practitioner to go over all the results and the treatment plan.

July 31-Aug 2. Will & Lexi, Matt & Kirsten and U.Rick & A. Carol send us on a weekend to the Indiana Dunes. We relax, have fun try not to think, and are super blessed.

Aug 3. EKG

Aug 4. PET scan.

Aug 5. Mediport placed. More blood samples drawn.

Aug 6. Call Illinois CancerCare in the morning for PET scan results. "They don't have anything." But they need Jordan to come in for more bloodwork. Nevermind, they don't need bloodwork but the Dr. wants to see him. He calls to let me know and says I can come, but if it doesn't work don't worry about it. Nevermind, they want me to be there. I keep getting sick to my stomach in waves. Jenny Schick has almost left the pool when I run over to ask her to watch the girls. Everything is fragmented. "We're waiting for the blood results." "They agree with the diagnosis." "PET scan results very abnormal." "Multiple metastases to both lungs." "Stage 4." "Noncurable." "Worse than we thought." "Some patients live 2 years." I can't think right. I can't even walk out of there right. It's all jilty and stiff. We hug in the parking lot but don't really cry. We have to get back to the girls. I only cry after I try calling both my parents on the way home and can't get a hold of them. And then I sob.

Aug 7. Teaching appointment with the CNP about chemotherapy. Scheduled for Monday. It'll take about 5 hours. Next treatment is in 3 weeks in the hospital. It'll take 5 days. We may not get to go on vacation.

As some of you may or may not know, Jordan has recently been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer known as Ewing sarcoma. I just created a CaringBridge website. I'm updating both the blog and the web page at the same time. Here is my very first entry over at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jordanschroeder copied and pasted into our blog:

I can't believe I'm doing this. We actually have a blog. This reminds me of our blog. Just this one is for sick people.

I hope to update this site and our blog simultaneously (thank you copy-and-paste). Some people know of our blog, some don't, some people know of Jordan's illness, some don't.

Selfishly, I'm trying to rally as many prayers as possible because I believe in the power of prayer and we are in need of a miracle.To clarify and make sure that there's no misinformation going around I should start out with a brief timeline of what's been going on with us of late. It shouldn't take that long; after all, it's been less than a month since I called the doctor's office to make an appoint for Jordan per request because his activity level had been decreasing as his pain increased. But it all seems like one very long nightmare and I don't want to right now.

Suffice it to say, it will take a miracle of God if Jordan lives longer than 24 months. So, that's what we're asking people to pray for. We're claiming the promises of the "peace that passes understanding" and the "joy of the Lord as our strength." I'm very willing to forgo feelings of peace, rest, hope, etc. I actually don't want a feeling, I want a miracle.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Phil 4:6

As you lift us to the Throne, let your request on our behalf be for a miracle of healing in Jordan's body. Thank you.

Not Me! -Summer edition

Wow! It's July 6th! And since the last time I posted many things did not happen that are very noteworthy and also chuckleworthy that I would like to tell you about. But I did not forget all of those things and so I am not trying desperately to remember anything funny from the last 3 months that I can share with you. I am not trying to do this simply because I love the new "Not Me" logo...

I did not get all the way through the check out lane and loaded back into the cart at WalMart with all of my prospective purchases and then realize that my wallet was at home. No, no, no- that was not me- because I might be in denial about how many previous times this has happened.
This does not happen on a semi-regular basis.
I also did not let my child lick peanut butter off of the table knife before, during, and after making PBJs. Sticking even un-sharp knives in children's mouths is not exemplary, therefore I do not do this-
on a regular basis.
My child was not found out on the balcony fully to partially naked riding her scooter, eating her lunch, shooting the squirt gun, or just yelling "HI" to everyone who happnes by. I am a mother who believes in decency and therefore I do not let, endorse, or encourage this behavior-
on a regular basis. No, Not Me!
I am not loving summer simply because it's warm, the pool is close, and the exceedingly delightful discovery that swim diapers can be rinsed, rung out, and reused. I do not pull off, rinse off, ring out, and put back on my delicate-skinned babies chlorine and urine soaked swim diapers!
No, especially not as the usual course of action! Not me.
Finally, I am not totally procrastinating absolutely all of my household chores as I write. This absolutely never happens on a semi-regular, regular, or dare I write-
daily basis. Nope. That is not me! Definitely not.

So, what aren't your habits?

And just for fun- some photo love- nevermind- it is NOT I who can never quite figure out how to upload pics to Blogger without wasting a bunch of time. ARgh! Not Me!

Not Me! Monday

So, things that did not happen... at all.

We did not ride an elevator as a family, exit the elevator, and then turn around to see the elevator doors already closed & an uncertain wail coming from behind them. At least our younger daughter (in the stroller) made it out.
In the same spirit, I did not walk into a store ahead of Jaycee, begin to grab a cart, and look back just in time to see the automatic doors slam into her bewildered-looking face. At least Arawen was safely in the cart. Also, a 2-year-old's body is enough mass to make automatic swinging doors open back up again. Just so you know. NOT because I would know anything about it.
We did not enter a restaurant, the door did not close behind us, and yep, you guessed it, Jaycee was NOT staring at us through the glass on the other side. Hey, Arawen made it. All 3 of these incidences did not occur within the span of 2 weeks.

I did not only 'let' but invited & prepared the opportunity for my child to 'wash dishes' in the kitchen by herself. I did not have full & complete knowledge that this most certainly would end in a huge wet (but clean) mess. This did not keep her very delightedly occupied for a long time. That was NOT my intent.

While at Panera (this time Jaycee made it into the building), Arawen was not placed on her back on the (very slippery) leather bench we were sitting on. She also did not squirm herself right off said bench onto the floor & under the table. This of course did not happen because she was lying right next to me. She did not cry profusely. When I went to dive after her, my shoulders did not get wedged between the table & the leather bench. I, therefore, did not find myself in a very awkward position, bent over, butt kind of sideways & up, comforting my baby under the table, only able to lift her about 12 inches off the floor. Jordan was not very bewildered at why I couldn't just end all of the embarrassment & surface with my quieted child. He did not eventually have to bend over & under on the opposite side of the table & take her from me. At this point, both of our butts were not facing directly towards everybody else in the restaurant. I did not consciously avoid making any sort of eye contact with all other patrons from then on, because of course, NONE of this happened. Nope. That was not me!

There were other things that I recall not happening... diaperless children...making dessert on the floor...trying very hard to convince myself that crying children go back to sleep on their own...forgetting coats at church.... but all of that cannot be expounded on right now. It is high time to be off the computer, considering that Jaycee did not use her stacking toys (the kind with HOLES in the bottom) as cups...for milk, try to feed her little sister raisins, and Arawen did NOT just puke all over me.

"Not Me" Monday

For all of those who are about to read this post- before you do, please pray for MckMama's baby Stellan. His 5-month old heart is failing.

Monday! This is becoming my favorite day of the week. I get to remind myself of what a good mom I am & revel in this upcoming week that hasn't yet been harried, dirtied, disheveled, clumsied, or generally lived in. Yet. On the other hand, LAST week, well, that week got lived in & many things did not happen.

I did not call my brother and ask him where he was only to hear my husband's voice telling me he was right next to me. That was not me.

My daughter did not wake up in the 8:30-9 a.m. range every single day this week except the morning after I had irresponsibly stayed up 'til midnight. I did NOT drag myself out of bed, put a bowl of grapes & a granola bar in the living room & then go back to bed. Um, yeah, whoever that groggy-eyed zombie was, it certainly wasn't me!

Throughout the week, my nearly-two-year-old-rapidly-vocabulary-expanding daughter did not refer to me as "Babe." She did protest impatiently "Babe! Babe!" when I wasn't paying attention to her (which never happens). She did not call expectantly to me from the bathroom when she was done "BA-ABE!" I did not find myself yelling back: "I AM YOUR MOM! YOU CAN CALL ME 'MOMMY'!"

I did not throw all of the couch cusions onto the floor for an indoor jungle gym for Jaycee to play on. Jaycee was not half dressed. It was not super fun & I did not take a video of it. While videoing, I did not ask her what was on her bottom because I wanted her to talk about 'wonder' (underwear). She did not proceed to go through the rest of her bathroom vocabulary & I was not trying to keep my heaving laughter quiet so it wouldn't ruin the video.

I did not find myself explaining to my husband the difference between 'clean' & neat' when he came home from work one day & the house was a wreck but all of my carpet & furniture (including the cushions laid out on the floor) had been cleaned with a carpet cleaner. I am not very grateful to my good friend Jackie for letting me borrow it. After 3 days of going over every room in our apartment, I do not hope to be a proud owner of that thing one day! It also did not do wonders to a certain ketchup stain that did NOT happen.

I positively, absolutely did not become so engrossed in a radio program & my task of slicing oranges that I failed to notice my daughter trying to crawl up the front her highchair. She had not already placed her bowl of scrambled eggs & ketchup on the tray. The result was NOT a crying child with a highchair on top of her in the middle of a huge eggs & ketchup mess. I was not just 3 feet away! AND, I did NOT proceed to scrape up the eggs & put them back in Jaycee's bowl! AND I did not take pictures while she tearfully explained to me "faaaall." And there is most certainly NOT incriminating evidence against me!

We did not get to go see 2 babies yesterday. I did not forget to bring fresh batteries. Who does that when there are adorable, beautiful, gorgeous brand new babies to photograph? Not me! I did not have to take pictures with my phone and/or borrow some batteries so I could capture these awesome shots. I am NOT super excited to feature on my blog:

Adelai Aever Guingrich

(She & Arawen are 3 months apart & they are already best friends. They don't have a choice because I am NOT the kind of mom that picks her children's friends for them.)

The other amazing miracle we went to see AND I am not an incredibly proud aunt to is:

Jonah Ray Getz
I am NOT biased & I do not love this picture. This is not Arawen's favorite cousin because I am also not the kind of mom that chooses favorite cousins for her children. There also is NO reason that the babies featured here are photographed with my children. I do NOT think that a picture of a baby is awesome, but a picture of a baby & one of my children pretty much doubles the cuteness. I am NOT proud like that, and as said before, I am not biased. There is also no reason that only Jordan's arms made it into these photographs. That was NOT on purpose.

MckMama, the originator of "Not Me!" Monday has a very sick baby in the hospital right now with a racing heart beat. You don't have to go over there & read her blog, just say a quick prayer lifting baby Stellan & his family up to a God who heals.

Feel free to enjoy the "Not Me!" below & have a blessed week.

Not Me! Monday

Ahh... Monday! I just love this brand new hassel-free week looming before me. Last week, on the other hand, the one I've already lived through, yeah that one... that one had a lot of things that did not happen in it. (But, I am in good company.)

First & foremost; at this present moment, I do not have an open wound on the inside of my lip. It most certainly did not come from leaving the toothbrush in my mouth while reaching up to do my hair which led to my hand shanking the toothbrush into my lip which got a hole in it from my very sharp tooth. Secondly, I absolutely do not have an identical open wound right next to the other one! I did not inflict this wound upon myself in THE EXACT SAME MANNER! This FOR SURE did not happen THE VERY NEXT DAY! This did NOT happen because I would not tell such humiliating stories on my very own blog. Nope. Not me!

While at Cold Stone buying a gift card, I did not ask the check out lady for a gummy bear for my daughter because there was a tub of them right next to the register. I also did not make sure I asked her for this tiny piece of free merchandise AFTER I had already paid and had my credit card safely back in my wallet just so she wouldn't try to charge me. Who thinks of that!? Not me! I was not very confused when she walked all the way down the counter to the OTHER tub of gummy bears & came back with an ice cream dish mounded with those tiny pieces of free merchandise. I also most certainly did not thank her profusely & hand all of them to Jaycee. Jaycee did not devour all of the gummy bears that I did not feed her in her carseat (minus 3 which she did not sweetly hand up to me) in about 5 minutes.

I did not get stopped in the parking lot of the grocery store by a nice man wondering if I was Katelyn Schroeder because he had just given the service desk a credit card with that name on it. No. Not me!
I did not lock the keys in my car after church on Wednesday night. No way. Not me!
I did not get all loaded up & over to Sam's Club with the express purpose of printing out pictures there & discover that the CD of prints was still in my computer. It also did not follow that my recently retrieved CD did not work & we came home from 2 trips to Sam's utterly defeated. Nope. Not me!

I did not put too-small shoes on my child knowing full well that her heels were already red from them just to keep her happy. That would be giving in to the demands of a toddler & I do not do that. No, no, definitely not me! The next time we went out, I did not put too-large shoes on my child knowing full well that she might have a little harder time walking in them. I also did not laugh out loud at her when she had to stop & stand with her legs wobbling back & forth while her toes were in, but her heels were out. The look on her face was not absolutely hilarious & the way she confusedly looked up at me and said "shoes? shoes?" did not make me about lose it. That would be laughing at my child's struggles & I do not do that. Absolutely Not Me!

So, what did you NOT do last week?

Profoundly Seth

Profoundly Seth is one of the blogs I stalk. It really has touched me & spoken into my life as a mom in a lot of ways. This amazing Christ-centered family is raising money for their deaf son's surgery to receive cochlear implants via an organization called "Rhyan's Hope" so that he will be able to hear. They are also raising money for an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" which offers captured memories to families whose newborns die. Their son before Seth died tragically right before he was born for reasons still unknown. Their fundraiser is called "Profound Pictures" because they will also be giving away a camera package. The day it ends would have been his second birthday. I would like to use up a tiny little space on my blog (not read my many, I know, but still) to get the word out about this family.

Have a great day everybody, I may be back for another "Not Me! Monday"

Not Me Monday

This is a blog carnival I am participating in because it's fun. Here, on Mondays we get to divulge all of the things we did not do in the past week. We rejoice in our clean slate & the brand new mistake-less week ahead of us & get to entertain our blog readers. Head on over to MckMama's site for some more UNconfessions.

I did not spend an inordinate amount of time last week looking for Arawen's one and only pacifier. I am not a one-pacifier mom because my child's attachment to that little plug is growing & I would not risk the hours of distress this could cause her if I happened to not be able to find it. I did not, knowing full well the growing attachment, totally procrastinate going to Target & buying more. Target is definitely NOT just 2 miles from my house.

I did not let Jaycee get into 3 decks of cards at once. Our floor was not covered in playing cards after she was done. This most certainly did not happen almost every day this past week with my full knowledge. It also is NOT happening right now, as I type my "Not Me Monday."

I did not get out to run errands with my 2 girls in tow for the first time since Arawen was born. Arawen is definitely not 10 weeks old today. The errands I ran did NOT take me all day and I did NOT forget to bring A's one-and-only pacifier! I did not feed Jaycee solely granola bars and a free cookie from Schnucks for lunch that day. Jaycee did not drop said cookie on the ground. While we were getting everything together, out of the van, and into a cart, a fellow shopper did not sit in the parking lot waiting for us to get out of the adjacent parking space. I did NOT stand there & wait for her to park, watching to make sure she didn't run over the cookie. I also most certainly did NOT wait for her to get out & walk into the store, look surreptitiously around, & proceed to quickly pick up the cookie, blow it off & give it back to Jaycee!!! THAT would be gross.

At our last stop to Target, I did not discover that, although visiting public restrooms is one of J's favorite things to do, she had pooped her pants. I did not, after like a second of deliberation, decide she could live with it. We did NOT spend our whole Target trip with a putrid aroma hanging over us. THAT also would be gross.

While giving Jaycee a bath, I did not leave her there to play with the bathroom door open so I could still hear her. After playing for a little bit, my child did not get herself out of the tub & walk up to me dripping wet with blood pouring from her finger. When I ran over and asked what had happened, she did not stare at me sweetly & repeat perfectly, "Happen." I did NOT discover to my horror that I had left my razor within her reach!! I absolutely, positively did NOT promptly receive the "Worst Mom of the Year" award!!! Jaycee did not walk around proudly displaying her bandaid without so much as a whimper. I am not kind of afraid at how hard we are going to have to discipline a child with such a high pain tolerance.

Well, this has not been super fun, & maybe even slightly therapeutic for me. I did not read over this and laugh really hard. I also did not update my blog last week just so I could do this today. I am not done already.

My annual post :)

Ok, playing 8-month catch-up: After we announced that we were having a second baby like this:

(Look close, it says "BIG SISTER.")

at Jaycee & Timmy's first birthday party,

we went on vacation to beautiful California.
At the end of the trip, our daughter ended up in the ditch of "Scenic Route 1" along the Pacific coast. Yeah, we'll probably always call it "Carsick Route 1." If I ever lack for post inspiration I'll tell this story. It's a good one.
In August Jaycee had her surgery: she recovered like a champ and we give God all the glory for her big belly! :) She gained 7 pounds in 4 months and is now in the 60th percentile for weight instead of not even being on the charts! Praise God!
Jaycee learned to drive a big rig with her daddy this fall.

We dressed up as Whos from Dr. Seuss for Halloween.

Then we went & helped Jordan celebrate his huge kill! Jaycee warmed up to him pretty fast. Good thing, because his head now graces our living room wall. (the deer's, not Jordan's)

After she touched him,

she clapped for herself. We're really into cheering yourself on in this family.

All THREE of us girls continued to grow...

Then Christmas came around... it didn't take long for Jaycee to catch on to the whole tearing off the paper as fast as you can thing.

Eleven days later Arawen Joy Schroeder was born. January 5, 2009. Thank You Jesus for our second healthy little girl! Welcome to the world, baby girl. You are loved!

This is the very first picture of Arawen ever... very very cropped.

She weighed 7 lb. 12 oz. (as you can see)So happy to have her out!

Grandma T. enjoying her minutes old granddaughter.

Jaycee & Arawen meet. You better get used to each other, girlies!Now, we're a family of 4! I can hardly believe it.

As you can see, this is a very general overview of the last 8 months. We did other things in between. But we spent a LOT of time here

and here!